Dude. So far behind on everything. AKA Days 12-16.

Well.  It seems that I'm not Superwoman.  And that's not because I don't have a red cape with matching tights.  I can't do it all.  And thus, am very far behind on many things, the least of which my poor daughter had to wear dirty jeans to her field trip.

NaNoWriMo:  So far behind on my writing that I'm contemplating bagging the whole thing.  Or, maybe I'll just aim for 40K words and be happy that I didn't lose my mind.

South Beach Diet:  We ended our two weeks of Phase One.  Both my Hubs and I made it through, unscathed, with a combined weight loss of 25 pounds.  12 of those were mine.  Not too shabby for just 2 weeks of paying attention to what I stuck in my mouth and avoiding carbs like they were covered in rat poison.

Now we're on to Phase Two.  Which is the really long portion of this whole shebang.   It's where we begin to reintroduce starches and carbs and fruit and yummy stuff back into our diet.  And I'm trying to not panic as I roam the aisles at the grocery store, planning each meal so we don't puff up like puffer fish because I fed us the wrong kind of rice.

I shall not be talking much about SBD anymore (much to my and your relief, I'm sure) because I'm kind of sick to death of talking about it.

Harry Potter:  Heading to my local theater this Friday morn to watch this epic movie that I'm quite sure is the best thing ever.  And then I'm eating a piece of cake.  Shut up.  Yes I am.

The End.

Day Ee-lev-ohn. NaNoWriMo and South Beach

If I fall asleep whilst writing this post, forgive me, kind reader.  It's been a very long day.

NaNoWriMo:  Week two kicks your butt.  Or maybe it's just my butt that's feeling kicks.  I mean, I'm doing ok word wise.  It's just the daily set a side time to write is going to be uber challenging for me because I'm also working a million hours this week.  (Woot for employment!)  It took me all day to finally sit at the computer to bust out a scene or two.

Also, I feel like I've just crested this immense hill that my main character had to summit.  And I'm totally scared to read what I wrote in fear that I'll read it and say, "man, my writing totally sucks rocks".  So I'm just going to keep writing without revising anything, lest I quit in throws of desperation for how much I suck as a writer.  Where is Stephen King when I need to ask him questions?

This is what I was thinking today as I was mopping the floors at my job:  what makes a writer?

I mean, here I am, writing.  Does that make me a writer? What about when I write a grocery list or a rent check.  Am I a writer?  Do I have to be published to be called a writer?  I've not had the pleasure of publishing, aside from the daily PUBLISH POST action I do when I post these little novels of drivel.  It's mind boggling.  And you know what I decided whilst all that mopping?  This:  I've got to buy a Swiffer.

South Beach Diet:  Today's temptation:  Bagel chips.  Also, I made sushi rice krispies for work and had to pretend that cockroaches had crawled on them so I didn't cram them into my cheeks like a squirrel.  Also, my Hubs deliberately coughed all over something that was making us jones for carbs.  He knows just what to do, man.  So, weight loss stands at 10 lbs.  I wore a shirt that used to fit like sausage casing earlier this year and was happy to see that today, it fit normal.  Although it's still the color of sausage casing, which makes me think I need to rethink my wardrobe colors.  So, lots of victories, both in the conquering temptations, weight loss and wearing nicely fitting shirts.  Sweet.  And thank God that the first two weeks are almost up.

I'm going to bed.

Day 10: NaNoWriMo and South Beach Diet

Day 10.  A week and a half in.  So let's get to it.

NaNoWriMo:  It's fitting to me that I'm about to bust through the 20K word count tonight, making my deadline that much closer.  As I told my good writing friend, it's official.  I've become obsessed with writing.  Today, I treated myself to lunch today at Qdoba (naked burrito) whilst out doing a bagillion errands and the entire time, I kept thinking about my main character and all she's going through.  It's a wee bit painful, because she's at the pinnacle of despair, her whole world is kind of collapsing.  I have to go up for air quite frequently, so that I can view her from afar before I plunge back into her world.  Very intenseish.

South Beach:  8 lbs gone in just 10 days.  I'm throwing a party when I hit 10 lbs.  And only serving hummus.  You're all invited.  It'll be a BYOB.  Bring your own bottle...of water.

Today was also painful on the food front because I had to make a food that was red for work tomorrow.  So I made sushi rice krispie treats.  It's rice krispie treats formed to look like pieces of sushi, wrapped in red fruit roll ups, Swedish Fish on top for nagiri, red sugar crystals as sesame seeds.  My awesome buddy and pal, Winn, is the inspiration behind that particular madness.  I'm pretty sure that I'm never going to get the butter off my hands.  It was, in one simple word:  sticky.  Very very very sticky.  Here's hoping they go over well at work.  Also, I forgot to take a picture.  Because my hands were covered in butter.

But I didn't cheat.  Not at all.  Not even to pop one tiny red sugar crystal in my mouth.  And for that, I'm kind of proud of myself.  Because two weeks ago?  I might've licked the counter clean of all the spilled sugar.

Hope your Wednesday is humpy and lumpy like my sushi.

Day 9: NaNoWriMo and SBD, with some Christmas crafts thrown in for spice

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas here at Chez Murphy.  That doesn't mean that I have my tree up already, or lights twinkling in the windows.  It doesn't mean that I'm watching movies with my kids like Elf or Polar Express.  It also doesn't mean that I'm whipping up batches of cookies or wreaths of fudge, planning my holiday menus with care.  Nay.

What that means here at my house is that I'm busy making Christmas crafts.

I do this every year.  I blame my mother, who started me early down this road, making sequined ball ornaments for teachers, watching her crochet a baby afghan for the procreating teachers I had through the years.  So, in keeping with family tradition, I make at least half of the gifts that we give away.

Sometimes it's a scarf, sometimes it's a toe sock filled with dry rice and cloves to be heated up in the microwave to sooth those tense muscles.  Sometimes, it's a rag doll, or a doll quilt.

This year, I only had a few crafts to undertake.  Which is good, because between my full time job as a wife/mom, my part time job at the mall and the full/part time job as a wanna be writer, there was hardly any time to pick up a knitting needle.

So this year, I focused on my two nieces, living abroad in Germany.  Just about everything I've ever given them has been either hand sewn or knitted.  I like this, I hope that one day, they remember Aunt Kearsie as that Lady Who Made Me Cool Stuff That I Probably Just Drooled On Or Let The Dog Use As A Chewtoy.

For my youngest niece, I added to her collection of felt food and made these:

Felt utensils

A flipper spatula, a rubber spatula, a wooden spoon, a whisk and an utensil cup, to hold them all.  I might get crazy and add to this, it just depends on time.

Then, for my older niece, I found out she collects elephants.  Sooo, I sewed this little thing up:

Now back to our regular junk.

NaNoWriMo:  inspiration struck twice yesterday, which had me at my keyboard, tap tap tapping away.  I've just put my main character into the worst situation possible, which made my head hurt and I had to take a giant break where I watched the first episode of Conan on TBS and ate a leisurely lunch.  Now I'm back, refreshed, if not a bit sleepy from my Zucchini Lasagna, and ready to write some intense scenes.  Or watch a movie.  With my Snuggie.

South Beach:  Totally bored to death, but I lost 2 more lbs so whatareyougonnado?  Tonight, I'm making something uber easy:  Italian Chicken.  I'm just beating the tar out of a couple of chicken breasts and marinading them in Italian dressing, then cooking at 325 for an hour.  Boom.  

Hope your day is oisome. 

Day 8: NaNoWriMo and South Beach

*Yawn*  Man, I'm getting up earlier and earlier thanks to stupid DST.  Ok ok it's not stupid, but dude, I really don't want to be waking up at 6:00 in the morning.  I'm not that much of an achiever, I tell you.

Let's get to it.

NaNoWriMo:  I'm doing just peachy.  At least today.  Also, wasn't that such a pessimistic thing to say?  It's because my main character is, indeed, a mega pessimist.

Also, I'm super excited because I introduced a new character.  She was so needed.  She's named after my 12th grade English Honors teacher, Ms. Shaddy.  Woot!  Also, I loved Ms. Shaddy because she was super fun and she loved me because I used colloquials with every breath.  And her red pen loved my papers because I'd write things like "MacBeth was rad".  And she'd circle that RAD and jot to the side COLLOQUIAL.  What's awesome about Parasomnia, is that I can use colloquials ALL THE TIME.  Muahahaahahaha!

Also, I wonder if Ms. Shaddy remembers the time in a class discussion that I referred to one of the characters in the book Martin Chuzzlewit by Charles Dickens as "Mr. Peckersniff".  Also, unless you know that book or characters or were in that classroom, you'll not understand one word of that.

But my favorite memory of Ms. Shaddy's class was from the last day of class.  I found a cardboard cut out of Mel Gibson somewhere in Ms. Shaddy's room.  Just the top half from the movie Lethal Weapon.  And all the students and Ms. Shaddy signed the back of it.  Mel sat in the passenger seat of my Dodge Rampage as we drove around town.

Good times, good times.

South Beach:  While I'm SO OVER THIS AND JUST WANT A PIECE OF BREAD ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ALMIGHTY, I am excited that I am, indeed losing the weight.  Not a whole lot, but a little.  So.

Also, last night I made the yummiest dinner ever and have to put the recipe here for you.  Because I need content Because I think you'll like it.

Stuffed Peppers

You'll need:

Peppers (I used red, orange and yellow, but green would be fine too)

Ground turkey (I got taco flavored kind, because that's all the store had)

1 can of tomato sauce

1/2 an onion, chopped

Mexicanny cheese

*Brown rice (in recipe, but we can't have that until next week so we just omitted)

Preheat oven to 350.  Wash your peppers. Slice them in half any way you want.  Clean out seeds and ribs.  Place on baking dish sprayed with cooking spray and bake for 15 minutes.  Whilst peppers are baking, brown your meat.  I added less than 1/2 a chopped onion.  You could add spices as well but mine was already taco flavored.  After meat/onions are browned, add the can of tomato sauce.  (Also add cooked rice if you're including this)

Take peppers out of oven and put scoops of meat mixture in each pepper shell.  Top with cheese (I used 2% Colby or something) and bake for 20 minutes.

Voila.  And yummy.

Hubs and I each got two halves, leaving him enough for lunch.

*if you included rice, you'd have lots to work with.

Sooo, happy Monday.

Days Six and Seven: NaNoWriMo and SBD with a sprinkle of DST

Man I love me some abbreviations.

I'm combining Saturday and Sunday together b/c dude, nothing exciting enough happened to warrant a special post for each.  Also, it's weird updating the bloggage today, as I never do on the weekends.  I might have to do other weird things today, like pluck my eyebrows and dust my baseboards.  Wait, I better not get too ahead of myself.

NaNoWriMo:  Still plugging right along.  Like my diet, I fear this next week will be me repeating over and over "Dude, I am SO OVER THIS".  I must stay the course and blah blah keep writing blah blah write write yada yada waaaaaaah.  My word count is doing just fine though.  Not anorexic at all.  But it could definitely use some protein.

Aaaand segway to next, um, segment.

South Beach:  Diet is fine blah blah not cheated yet blah blah.  Man, I need some cake.  No, I need some Twizzlers.  No!  I need a Diet Coke!  Yes!  That I can have.  One nice thing:  I perched on the scales, held my breath and thought nice light thoughts of down feathers floating gently in the breeze and saw that in 6 days I'd lost 6 lbs.  Not too shabby.  It gives me enough drive to see what the numbers will be by the end of next week.  Also, I'll bet a piece of cake weighs 6 lbs.  Shut up, yes it does.  *repeats to myself over and over*

Today I must make more Baked Egg Cups.  Seriously, such an easy recipe, easy to store in the fridge, easy to pop in the microwave, easy to eat.  It's just plain easy.  And, I ate the last one day.  So.

Daylight Savings Time:  Oh haaaaiii, DST, thanks for waking me up bright and early at 6:45 a.m.  I want to like you, but I fear me waking up earlier in the day will only force me to be either a) way more industrious and cleany housish or b) spend way more time wasting the hours on the computer, throwing blankets of guilt on my conscience, hating your guts.  Let's hope for a), shall we?

Happy Sunday.

Day Five: NaNoWriMo and South Beach Diet

Man.  Today is a wicked awesome day.  For several reasons.  You're dying to know why, aren't you?  Of course you are!

Ok, so NaNoWriMo:  I did an unplug today with my dear friend, Marisa, whom I want to heap accolades and gratitudes to for talking me down from my mental ledge yesterday.  I've been writing blather and nonsense in a novel form, feeling horrendously inadequate, questioning every life choice I'd made, wanting to quit already.  It's so amazingly wonderful to have someone there who completely understands the desperation and frustration and all kinds of tions you go through whilst writing.

Also, for the uninformed, an unplug is where you don't play on Facebook or answer emails or paint your toenails, you just sit and write for an hour.  And probably will be the reason I have any sort of success in this whole writing bizness.

Also, two majorly huge humongously awesome things happened today whilst unplugging.

1.  I figured out the name of my book.  May I introduce you to a little novel called PARASOMNIA?  Yes, I'm beaming with pride.  It's like holding my first born.  Except this one doesn't poop on me.  Also, if anyone uses my name for their book, I might have to find you and cut you.

2.  I figured out the ending of my book.  Woot!!  Seriously, that was why I was on that mental ledge yesterday, pulling my hair and eyelashes out, throwing my hands up to the sky in a plea for strokes of brilliance or at least something decent like.  So now, all these words are going somewhere.  Writing a book, at least for me, is like trying to decipher what shape an object is in the dark.  I know it's there, I just can't figure out what it is.  And then slowly, slowly it's like ohhhh this is a square.  Or something.  Also, I just know all your dirty minds out there have taken these past few sentences and tweaked them to your base and wicked means.

South Beach:  Nothing to report, other than I sifted through about eleventy hundred pieces of Halloween candy for something to put in my kids' lunch boxes and escaped the incident with nary a piece of sweet chocolate and peanut butter in my mouth.  Phew.  It was a close call.

We're here to the weekend, which I foresee as being a hard time for me and the Hubs.  We're getting munchies and cravings and just in general want to stuff our faces with something normal.  Like bread.  We must stay the course.  We must plan our meals and snacks.  We must go to the library because we need new books.  Or wait, that's just me.

I hope you have a very very happy Friday.

Day Four: NaNoWriMo and South Beach

So.  It's Day Four.  You're dying to know my thoughts on said day.  I shall appease you, because I am merciful.

NaNoWriMo:  As you can see by my word count over there ---> I'm doing ok.  Not spectacular.  Not incredible.  But ok.  Kind of like my haircut right now.  I'm praying for inspiration and genius to strike me, for plot and structure to flow through my neatly trimmed nails/fingers.  I'm hoping for good music to inspire me.  But I can't shake the feeling that I'm quite possibly a giant poser.

For fun, here is the song that inspired my little story.



Such a fun song.  Kind of like the voice of my main character.  Now if only I could figure out what's going to happen to her...

South Beach Diet:  Also going well.  You know, the Hubs and I were talking last night about the last time we did the SBD way back in 2005.  I think we fell off the wagon early, probably because of a holiday or a vacation or something fatty and caloric.  And what the difference is between that previous endeavor and now.  I think the biggest difference is that we're doing this new way of life/eating for health, not just to look high school skinny.  Although, I wouldn't turn my nose up of I dropped oh, say 60 lbs.  It could happen.  Shut up, yes it can.

I think the biggest element of success this time around is planning.  Now, I'm not a good planner.  Sure, I like my lists and writing lists and carrying lists and thinking of lists.  But using said lists?  Not so good at that.  I lose my list.  Or fish it out of my bag to find my list folded up with a wad of gum stuck in the middle.  Or with kid snot on it.  So at the grocery store I wing it most of the time.  Or I plan a craft.  Say, sewing a queen sized quilt (this is a true story).  Except, I get to the fabric store and have nary a clue just how big the dimensions are for a queen sized quilt.  And so said quilt really becomes fit for a twin sized bed.  I'm just not good at planning.

But this time I had to kick that planning in the butt.  So I planned and set out all our meals.  That includes breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I know what you're thinking.  You're feeling overwhelmed by it all, frustrated by the whole idea.  I know, sweet reader.  I understand.  I normally feel this way too.  My husband says the word "plan" and I get the hives.  But this time, I don't know, it's just working.

Now, I'll be realistic and admit that it's just day four, there's plenty of time for temptation (like the fresh Krispy Kreme today at work or the myriads of Halloween candy in my kitchen) to kick me around and beat me into submission.  But I feel different this time.  Stronger, maybe?  Determined?  I don't know.  But I like it.

A quick recipe:

Pinto Beans with Salsa

You'll need:

Crock pot

Bag of dried pinto beans

Jar of salsa

Water

Wash beans.  Soak beans overnight.  I did this using my crackpot.  In morning, drain beans, pick out the gross stuff like rocks.  Put back in crock pot.  Empty jar of salsa (I used a big jar).  Fill same jar with water.  Add to beans.  Cook on low for 12 hours. 

My beans could've used a bit more water, but the family seemed to enjoy them.

Bon Appétit.

Back to NaNo...

Day Three of NaNo/SBD

Are you bored to death yet?  Well, don't look now, folks, but we've got 27 more days in the month of November.

So.  NaNoWriMo.  Still writing.  In fact, I need to up my word count.  I read an interesting blog post by Maggie Stiefvater, author of Shiver, one of my faves.  She had a different look on NaNo, I'm glad I read it because it was good to see both sides of the, um, thing.  Also, I'm so glad I want to be a writer, because words are my life and all I can think of to describe the issue of NaNo is "thing".  Man.  I blame working today as reasons why my brain is pudding.  Also my feet are dead.  Dead, I say.

South Beach Diet.  Still on it.  Already losing weight.  I know I know, I'm not supposed to weigh myself every day.  Well, get over it.  I'm going to.  Because my scale is right.there.  And I really want to know.  So weigh every day I shall.  And you can't stop me.

I'm sorry, kind reader.  I blame the Halloween candy in my kitchen calling out to me.  It's those Almond Joys.  Durn you, Almond Joys!

Anyways, let me share with you another good low carb meal that I made last night.  Because I know you're not nearly bored enough.

Zucchini Lasagna

You'll need:

Two or three zucchini (depending on size), sliced in pretty little round slices, skin still on

Spaghtetti sauce (I bought this way expensive sugar free kind)

1 lb ground turkey (you could use beef but I never do)

Mozarrella cheese (shredded, preferably 2% or low fat kind)

Brown your meat. When browned, drain if necessary.  Put meat back in skillet, add in spaghetti sauce, heat until warm.  Spray a glass casserole dish (I use the regular 9 x 13 or whatever) with cooking spray.  Put thin meat/sauce layer on bottom of dish.  Layer of zucchini slices.  Meat/sauce layer.  Sprinkle with cheese.  Zucchini layer.  Meat/sauce layer.  Cheese.  Repeat until you've depleted your zucchini/meat/sauce/cheese. Bake at, oh I don't know, something like 350 for 20-25 minutes.  Or until bubbly.  Or until the zucchini isn't tough.  Or until you think it looks done.  

Voila.

It was nummy.

Happy...what day is today?

Day 2: NaNoWriMo/South Beach

Welp, folks, I managed to make it through one entire day of NaNoWriMo and South Beach.

As you can see I added a little widget thingy to help me keep track of my word count.  Because it's all about counting words this month.  Look over there -->  See it?

You may be wondering, why am I writing about NaNoWriMo and South Beach on this here blog?  Well, it's because I figure if I make my goals for both public, to all three of you who read this, then you three kind readers will help keep me accountable.  But if I do it alone, then it'll just be more room for failure.

NaNoWriMo:  I'll just be writing a few scenes today.  One of the beautiful things about NaNo is that they like you to fly by the seat of your pants.  And that's just the way I like to write.  It's a rush, almost, sitting here at my Mac, with nary an idea of what will come out as the result.  It's like verbal lip rings.  Daring and bold, and a bit risky.  I like it.  So I'll be writing lots of scenes, just to spit them out.  And then revise them later.  String them together.  Fix words and whathaveyou.  All in hopes it turns into a novel.

South Beach:  So I didn't cheat at all yesterday, despite the two giant bowls full of candy from my kids' trick or treating forays.  I would say I deserve a Klondike bar, but alas, they are not South Beach approved.  I did find a good recipe I'll share, because I can't bore you enough with my "day to day run of the mill shizz"  (Love that, Shelley!)

Baked Egg Cups

(I found this recipe on my Spark Recipe app on my iPrecious)

Preheat oven 350 degrees.  Spray cups of muffin pans with cooking spray.  I did all twelve.  Even though the recipe only calls for six.  I'm an overachiever. 

You'll need:

Ham slices (I used Canadian bacon instead, because that's what I had)

Eggs (I would use large eggs, not jumbo or dude, you'll be overflowing with eggs)

Salt/Pepper (I also used Paprika)

Cheese (low fat, 2% kind)

Chives (didn't use this at all, because I didn't have any)

After cups are sprayed, line cups of muffin tin with ham or Canadian bacon slices.  They will stick up out of the cups.  This is ok.  I used two Canadian bacon slices for each cup, overlapping them.  Bake for 10 minutes.  Take out of oven, crack open an egg and pour it into the Canadian bacon cup.  Break yolk slightly.  Salt, pepper, paprika.  Bake for 10-15 minutes, depending on how you like your eggs.  Add cheese.  I skip this part for myself, because I don't have to have cheese.  Call me weird.  Serve immediately.  Or, do like I did and put them in an airtight container so Hubs and I can grab one each morning, heat it up and voila!  Breakfast.  

Also, today, after I do my cleaning/laundry/blahblah/writing/music listening/Ellen watching I'll start making felt toys for my two awesome nieces.  I must get a head start on this because they are in Germany, so I must account for shipping.

I shall be using this picture as inspiration:

This is from the etsy shop royalrugrats and they make amazing felt toys, should you be in the market for such niceties.

Also I have one last locker hooking project.  I know, I know, you wish I'd shut up about locker hooking if I'm not going to do my tutorial.  I agree, frustrated friend. I shall get right on that, after NaNo is over.

Happy Tuesday.

We interrupt this regularly scheduled blogpost to bring you breaking news

Ok, so it's not exactly breaking news but whatev.

So it's November 1st.  November shall be an interesting, challenging and very different month for me.  Why, you ask?  Well, inquisitive reader, let me tell you.

November is all about two things.  Well, really more like three or four things, but for sanity's sake, let us just touch on two things.  I hope you've washed your hands.

1)  NaNoWriMo.  It begins today.  That means for the next month, I shall write my novel, piece by piece, bit by bit, word by word, iTunes playlist by iTunes playlist.  It shall be a writing fest.  Or, a tool which drives me over the edge and I lose my mind, wearing my bra outside my clothes and eating clothespins dipped in mustard.  Whichever.  My goal every single day is to hit a word count of 1,667 words.  Some days, I'll be full of the words, spilling them here onto my trusty Mac, ready for the next day.  Some days, I'll be sitting here plucking my eyelashes, desperate for words to smack me upside my head.  I shall keep you abreast of the situation.  Also, I shan't use the word "abreast" ever again.  *washes eyes*

2)  Today also begins the day that my Hubs and I embark on a journey of low-carbness.  His doctor recommended the South Beach Diet for him, and as I'm a kind of gal to jump on the wagon with you should you hurdle down the road of weight loss, I am joining him in this endeavor.  Also, it's just way too hard shopping for two kinds of meals.  I'm nothing if not simple.  So today, after I sit here at my Mac, writing all this nonsense to you, I shall stand up, get out of my pajamas, clean up a little (because my mind likes a calm and soothing atmosphere and I'm tired of tripping over shoes), I shall sit back down to my computer, write a bit, then I shall head to the kitchen, where the magic happens (diet magic, although I'm not opposed to other kinds of magic, like laundry magic or toilet cleaning magic) and whip up some breakfasty things for me and Hubs to grab in our crazy busy lives.

I know, my life is so riveting, you're dreading the end of my post, wherein I close the door to my life, leaving you wanting more.  I know, kind friend.  But never fear, I shall be back tomorrow, with more drivel and nonsense and updates on writing and diet magic.  I am so benevolent, aren't I?

So, should you want to join me on either journey as above referenced, let me know!  There's room on my wagon for more.

Happy Monday.

Another list. Let's just call a spade a spade. Or call Keyboard Confessions a list.

It's been a really boring busy week.  I've spent most every day watching Dexter on Netflix writing awesome and interesting and importanty stuff.  Also, I lie tell the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me I need some cake.

1.  So today, I'm at my kids' school, being an awesome room parent.  Feeding kids high fructose corn syrup and complimenting their costumes.  My husband is not excited to be here, yet he gamely showed up to help.  Give that guy a Klondike bar.  Don't give me one though, or I'll get a stomach ache and probably will cause someone in the room to question who farted.

2.  I'm assuming no one is reading this blog anymore because I hardly ever update anymore.  It's ok.  I understand.  Also, I'm probably eating a cupcake so I'm not crying.  Feel free to feel jealous because I'm eating a cupcake.

3.  It's getting cold in these here parts of the Coloradoes.  Also, I've been coughing for almost a month.  I keep hoping that all these stomach contractions are making me skinny.  Also, I hope Halls lozenges are not fattening.

4.  Some days, folks, I wake up with nary a clue as to what the heck I'm doing with my life.  Today, nay, this entire week is one of those days, er, weeks.

5.  It is also disheartening that I shall be turning 35 in less than a month and feel as dumb and clueless as I did at the tender age of 17 and I was graduating high school.  Also, at least I had the good sense to wear jeans and Vans at my graduation, instead of stuffing myself into some random dress.

6.  Also, my Vans?  Got holes in the big toes because my big toe sticks up.  It's like all the fat in my feet goes straight to my big toe.

7.  Also, someone once told me I have ugly feet.  This was almost as fun as that one time I was told I was thick.

8.  I used my hair dryer for the first time in one three five years.  Why have I eschewed this glorious piece of machinery?  *pats my soft hair*

9.  I'm always slow on the uptake, people.  Just ask my Hubs and this one random conversation fight about DVD players.  It takes me awhile to jump onboard, people.  It's just my way.

10.  Christmas is like, less than 60 days away.  I've not even begun to shop, people.  Not.even.begun.

11.  I think I'm going to do a segment each week haha yeah right doing a book review.  Because I eat books for breakfast, people.  All three of you still reading this might really hate it like it.

12.  I signed up for NaNoWriMo.  Are you familiar with this?  It's for the budding writer, to commit to writing every day through the month of November.  Who knows, maybe I'll get this novel in my head onto my computer.

13.  I need some music suggestions, people, because my main character loves music.  Who should I check out?  Who will inspire me?

14.  Lip rings.  Your thoughts?

15.  I'm so very bored with this list I think I'll stop here.  I know you're devastated dealing with the loss ok with this.

Have a mediocre great weekend.

Keyblahboard Confessyadayadasions

Snazap.  It's that time again.  Time for me to sit down and entertain your eyeballs with my Keyboard Confessions.  Get ready.  Also, drink some caffeine.

1.  One thing I love about Halloweenish times are the scary movies.

2.  Like, I'm trying to decide sitting here all by my lonesome should I watch The Sixth Sense or Paranormal Activity?  Both are on Netflix Instant Queue.

3.  I'm totally not going to be scared.  Because I'm all adultlike and maturish.  Also, I've got pillows to hide behind.

4.  Except, I just heard a noise outside my window.  Dude.

5.  Ok, if I sit here and pretend I'm dead, maybe it'll go away.

6.  Also, dead people can type on their computers, it's the stuff shows like Ghost Hunters are made of.

7.  Man.  I'm super hungry.  Go away, ghosty person!  I need to make some Top Ramen!  So what if it's only 10:00 in the morning!

8.  Ack!  I just heard a sound!  Oh wait.  It's just my dryer turning off.

9.  Now I must do laundry.  That's truly scary, people.

10.  Equally as scary is the skillet on my stove from two nights ago with scrambled egg remains.

11.  Having lunch with my Hubs today.  I'm thinking Mexican.

12.  I'm wondering how I can include cake into today's lunch.

13.  I love cake.

14.  Speaking of love and cake, because I love you precious readers, I'm going to share with you the best thing I've read all month.  Prepare yourself.  It's all about cake.  Thank you, Marisa, for sharing this with me!!

15.  Are you dead with laughter?

16.  I Skyped today with Marisa.  I'm so glad I didn't pick my nose online.

17.  I'm reading Harry Potter, The Deathly Hallows, to prepare myself for the awesomeness of Part One of the movie coming out next month.  I cast myself at the genius feet of J.K. Rowling.  Ms. Rowling, should your genius eyeballs ever lay themselves on my humble blog, you're awesome.  Seriously.

18.  I've already planned a date for next month with my Hubs.  Care to know what I've planned?  Of course you do.  First, a rib dinner.  Because it's my one splurge of the month.  Second, pumpkin cheesecake.  Because it's amazeballs.  And then, The Deathly Hallows.  You're all welcome to join me on my date, should you want to partake of the awesomeness I've planned.  Also, I just need to let my Hubs know.  Also, it's Dutch treat.  Because um, just because.

19.  Looking for a haircut.  I'm tempted to see what I can accomplish in my bathroom with my knitting scissors.

20.  Caaaake.

Happy Friday.

The following is an excerpt from a real conversation with my husband, Lance

Me:  I know, right?

Lance:  For dang real.

Me:  Seriously.

Lance:  Word.

Me:  Fancy.

Lance:  Fancy?

Me:  Word.

Lance:  Seriously.

Me:  For dang real.

Lance:  I know, right?

Keyboard Confessions: the employed edition

So it's that time again.  Not time for ladydoctor appointments.  Not time for eyebrow maintenance.  It's time for nonsensical ramblings here on the cyber papers, known as The Blog.

1.  I have had an amazing week.  You're curious, aren't you? Just what happened this week, you ask?  Well, let me indulge you, inquisitive reader.  I am employed.

2.  I've been in training.  And at the end of the evening, I staggered home and attempted to collect the brain pudding leaking from my facial orifices, in hopes I don't forget said training.  Because dude, there's a ton of info stuffed into this here head of mine.  I work for a great company.

3.  And on Sunday? I get to touch cashmere.  It's ok to be uber jealous of me, folks.  I am pretty rock star.

4.  Except, guess what?  I need shoes.  NEED SHOES.  Because this here set of feet of mine are dying.  DYING, I SAY.

5.  Also, give it up for lunch dates with the Hubs.  Sans children.  WOOT.  I wonder how he feels today about sushi?  Or lasagna.  Or an omelet.  I'm not picky.

6.  This morning, whilst escorting my children to their bus stop, I had the most intriguing conversation with an Indian girl about Indian cuisine.  I discovered that my taste buds are still in their baby phase.  I have had nary an exotic dish from the Land of India.  So, my fair and learned readers, what Indian dish should I try?

7.  Keep in mind that I'm a total wimp with spiciness.  I'm sure babies in India suck on dollops of flaming lumps of spicy things, but this here sister cannot handle it.

8.  But you know what this sister can down?  Ice cream.  Yep.  Chocolate and Peanut Butter Baskin Robbins.

9.  My cold is here to live, I think.  Yep, practically setting up a house in my lungs as we speak, organizing a Home Owners Organization.  Mowing the lawn.  Here to stay.

10.  So, one of the best things about where I work?  There are Twilight lovers.  So, I can talk freely about my Edward doll with nary a "ohmygawd, she is cah-razy" look.  Now if only they know about Star Wars, I have found employment heaven.

11.  Also, there's other knitters.  So therefore, I can get my knit on in the breakroom.

12.  Also, I told you I would post self-pumpupedness pictures from crafts I've done.  Well guess what?  I have nary a pic to share.  Try not to hurt yourself breathing in relief.

13.  Maybe pancakes for lunch.

14.  For reasons I've yet to discover, I spent an hour watching videos of removing boils from people's backs.  Also, I'm fairly certain there's bad grammar in there somewhere.

15.  So me and the Hubs have been learning about Henry VIII.  He was kind of a douche.

16.  Also, I've been trolling the innernets to find out of Clarice from Steel Magnolias was correct when she said Anne Boleyn had six fingers.  Any English Tudor smarties out there know the answer to that?

17.  Also, did you know that King Henry had two wives named Anne and three named Catherine (or Katherine)?  I'll bet he got confused.  Probably why he hacked so many of their heads off or divorced them.

18.  Also, I secretly wonder if anyone in England is trolling the innernets to discover the history behind famousy Americans.  Like Madonna.  Or Mitch Hedberg.

19.  Also, I like to eat Kit Kats unless I'm with four or more people.

20.  Also, here's a nod to you Mitch Hedberg fans:  we went to the Cracker Barrels the other day and submitted our name "Dufrane, party of 5".  I'm pretty sure we were the only ones to got that joke.

Have an excellent comedy filled and executionless weekend, my friends.

Monday is a royal pain

In the immortal words of Garfield, "I hate Mondays."

--Things the Queen probably says every single Monday

Keyboard Cone-fess-shauns

Most weeks, I sit down here at my trusty computer and jot down random nonsense in a list format. Sometimes it's confessions, sometimes it's drivel.  It's anyone's guess what today's will be like.

1.  Through the miracle of technologicalaciousness, I am once again updating from the Apple store.

2.  Through the process of hermitness and nonupdateness, I have lost many a blog follower.

3.  Through the awesomeness of PMS cream, I am not crying about this.

4.  Through the somethingness of not eating after dark, I have dropped five pounds.  Or approximately 3.7 muffins from my top.

5.  It's getting chill-ay here in the Coloradoes.  This means that in the mornings, you shiver and wrap up in hoodies, and in the afternoons, you swelter if you stand in the sunshine.

6.  I've dropped red meat from my diet.  I feel gooood.

7.  Except sometimes I eat ribs.  Because I'm human and ribs are gooood.

8.  I'm such the innovator:  we are out of cereal and oatmeal for my kids' breakfast.  So I whipped up a batch of pancakes and froze them, so they can have hot pancakes each morning for breakfast.

9.  Also, they will probably fall asleep each morning in school from a carb coma, but whatev.  The point is, I'm an awesome mom.

10.  I like grilled cheesus.  But you know what I like even more than talking to a grilled cheesus?  Eating said grilled cheesus. Because cheesus likes to be in mah belleh.

11.  I'm meeting Hubs for lunch today, sans children.  It's almost a date.  Except we only have like, 55 minutes to be romanticky and sweet.  Also, budgety.

12.  Prepare for self-pumpupedness next week when I post pictures from my latest crafts.  Or, bring caffeine, lest you fall asleep whilst reading my words.  Also, self-pumpupedness is not being noticed by the spell-checker thingy.  I've finally conquered you, automatic spell checker thingy!!  Muahahahaaha.

13.  My Hubs is hot.  I'm not going to show you a picture though, because I don't want you to drool on your compy and sue me for water damage.

14.  We are aging well.  Also, I've spotted like, nineteen gray hairs in my coif.  I'm slathering on more PMS cream lest I cry about this.

15.  Also, I turn 35 in like, a month an a half.  I will be wearing black that day and handing out carnations for my friends and family to toss into my future coffin.  I'm so morbidy.

16.  That's ok, one more step closer to the cheaper side of the menu, in my opinion.

17.  I am whipping out these KCs like hotcakes.  Or, really fast.

18.  I'm dying for a Diet Coke.  Budget or no, I must hook myself up to a DC IV.

19.  Also, I've caught my first cold here in the Coloradoes.

20.  Lest you think it's more glamourous here, let me assure you that it's still coughing and mucus.

Have an excellent, mountainous, Glee-music kind of weekend, my friends.

Monday is a royal pain

Dude.  I'm so hungry my stomach is eating my liver.  

-- Things the Queen would never say.  Unless she was really hungry and right next to a Taco Bell

Keyboard Confessions: the long lost version

It's that time again.  Time for me to perch at my compy and whip out a batch of random nothings that mean the world to me and my masses.  Or, just a list for you other folks who aren't part of that masses.

1.  So it turns out that I work best undah pressah.  Like, I could blog and write and all kinds of stuff whilst working 40+ hours a week, yet now that I'm a Lady of Leisurenessosity, I can't think up anything to write that doesn't involve boogers.

2.  So, I enrolled my kids in school and applied for a job.

3.  Hahahaha, wait, lest you think I did all that just to keep my poor blog afloat, I did no such thing.  Ahem.

4.  Guess what?  I shall have to take out a small loan to afford all the school supplies for my kids, and guess what?  None of the supplies are on sale like back in August.  Alas.  Also, one of them needs 20 glue sticks.  20.  I'm pretty sure that means they're eating it for snack.

5.  Tonight, I have a job interview.  I might be Restoring some Hardware, ifyouknowhatImean.  Also, some of you might not have that store in your local mall.  So that sentence made not one lick of sense to you.

6.  Also, guess what?  I got rid of almost all my work attire upon moving here, because I needed the room for my yarn and books.  So guess what?  I shall have to be creative in my interview outfit.  I wonder if my Life Is Good Tshirts are considered dressy?

7.  Pizza dough, that's what I'm making today.  Also, I was a wee bit heavy handed in my garlic additions today.  Also, I'm planning on freezing my dough, so therefore, my ice cubes just might taste a bit Italian.

8.  I love love love that my modest Keyboard Confessions has hit the innernets like a kangaroo running from poachers.  I know at least 5 people that do them now.  I feel such the trendsetter.  And proud too.

9.  Also, guess what?  I almost cried whilst applying for employment at my local mall.  I mean, I have a college degree for pete's sake and I'll be lucky to make minimum wage.  What is wrong with this picture?

10.  However, that Subaru Forrester shall be mine, I say.  MINE.

11.  When me and the Hubs first moved here, we used to play a game called "who can spot the most Subarus".  It got old real fast because guess what?  I'm pretty sure the Subaru is the state car of the Coloradoes.  It was like "there's a Subaru, there's a Subaru, there's a Subaru, there's a Subaru, there's another....this is boring."

12.  I owned a Subaru for five days once upon a time before it was stolen at a dollar theater parking lot.  It's a thrilling, gripping story, I tell you.  Fear not, I got it back.  Eventually.

13.  Also, here in the Coloradoes?  Guess what?  You can't live here without blowing your nose at least three times a day because of the boogers.  It's true.  Ask anyone here.

14.  Actually, don't ask just anyone, because only a few select members of the Coloradoes are probably secure enough in our coolness to discuss boogers freely.  I am a member and I'm proud of it, I tell you.

15.  But just here on the innernets, people.  Not in real life because I got a rep to protect.  Also, I'm not really sure what that rep is, but it's something importanty.  Also, if someone talked to me about boogers in real life, my Hubs would so be facepalming.  It's true.  Ask anyone here.

16.  I made homemade dishwasher detergent.  I'll bet you're dying for me to share the recipe, aren't you? You can't get enough of my tutorials.

17.  Speaking of tutorials, I'm still planning my tutorial on How To Be A Lockerhooker.  You can't wait, can you?

18.  You know what I'll miss the most about being with my kids nonstop?  The fighting.  Their nonstop, incessant, daily, hourly bickeringfightingnamecallingsometimesslapping.  I shall shed a tear, I tell you.

19.  Except if I shed a tear, there might be an increase in the abovereferenced boogers.  I shall have to chew gum to distract myself from the tears/boogers.

20.  Unless I bite my tongue whilst chewing the gum.  There shall be tears.  And we've come full circle.

Have an amazing and booger free weekend, my friends.

Thursday Confessions

Time means nothing anymore, so who cares if I post this random list today instead of tomorrow?  Not I, I say.

1.  My garbage disposal is called The IN-SINK-ERATOR.

2.  I find this awesome.

3.  I find it disturbing that I'm still laughing about it.

4.  Tomorrow, I shop for groceries.  You know something is super wrong with your life when you're super excited to actually get out of the house to buy groceries.

5.  Also, I'm buying black grapes for 49 cents a pound.  You'd be excited too if you had this bounty to shop from.

6.  We're having a house guest soon.  I suppose this means I need to put on real clothes instead of wearing jammies all day long.  Man.  Such work.

7.  You know your life is super exciting when you're knitting yourself a dishtowel to match the rug you lockerhooked.

8.  This post might be hazardous to your health.  Do no read while driving or operating heavy machinery.  It's so sleep-inducing.

9.  Also tomorrow?  I'm sucking down the biggest fattest Jamba Juice ever.  Don't get in the way of me and my cravings, I tell you.

10.  I just found out that two other people I know have garbage disposals called The IN-SINK-ERATOR.

11.  I am no longer laughing.

12.  You know what though?  I'm pretty peckish.

13.  Shall I have a pb&j?  Or turkey with provolone cheese with mustard?

14.  These are the exciting things I have to decide.

15.  Later on, I'll get to decide do a dark load or do a white load.

16.  I don't blame you if you want my life.  It's pretty rock star.

17.  I don't think this whole staying home thing is taking to me.

18.  If I walk for 20 minutes, I can buy myself a Diet Coke.

19.  Ooh, another choice to make:  shall I go to the library tonight to pay my 30 cents fine or go tomorrow and pay 40 cents?

20.  Man.  Maybe I shouldn't write this bloggy stuff until something more exciting happens.  I'll get back to you next year.  

Tuesday is a royal pain, especially when Monday was a holiday

I wonder if Eclipse is still playing anywhere?  Shut up.  It's a good movie.  

-Things the Queen would never say

Keyboard Confessions: the homeschool edition

So, it's Friday, which is the day I normally earmark for random nonsense in a list format.  Sometimes I actually confess things, sometimes I just don't have the energy.  Today might be one of those days where I just blather on about Diet Coke.  We'll see how it goes.

Since I'm homeschooling my two (insert noun indicating person, place or thing) now, I'm going to shake up my KC's a bit and do an alphabetical list (alphabetical list would be a common noun, common as it is not capitalized).  This is what we studied today.  You're welcome for the review.

A - A stands for ABUSE, as in, my children are not allowed to use my Febreze anymore, because they ABUSE IT when they do.  As in, they sprayed my blinds.  I found them dripping wet.  Febreze.  It's not cheap, people.

B - B stands for BOOKS.  As in, my escape from reality.  Which is why I have four on my nightstand right now.  Four.  And am heading to the library for one more which is waiting on me and they will so charge me a dollar if I don't go pick it up before tomorrow.  I know, steep fines, people.  Also, this is the secret life of a rock star.

C - C stands for CONE.  As in, a CONE from Baskin Robbins, which is right next door to us.  Right next door, I say, people.  I'm sure if you cut me, I will bleed Chocolate and Peanut Butter ice cream.  And I'll probably lick wherever you cut me.

D - D stands for DIET COKE.  Which I never buy anymore for the house which means I daily crave that wicked concoction.  Like right now.

E - E stands for ELEVENTY HUNDRED.  As in, I've asked my kids to wash their hands after pottying ELEVENTY HUNDRED times.  They always forget.  It's just gross, people.

F - F stands for FOR DANG REAL.  As in, when I told my mom my kids never remember to wash their hands after pottying she said "that's gross".  And I was like, FOR DANG REAL.

G - G stands for GOOD THINGS THE QUEEN WOULD NEVER SAY, which I think about eleventy hundred times a day and never remember to write down.  I should be making millions with what's in my mind, people.  Some of you are like, huh?  Come back on a Monday, confusified reader.  Or, read my archives.

H - H stands for HIGH ALTITUDE, which is what keeps me from baking crazy awesome bread in my bread machine.  Because we're precisely 9 million miles above sea level which means you have to perform crazy hard Pythagorean Theorem changes to your basic bread machine recipes.  Thus far, I can only make pizza dough in mine.

I - I stands for I NEED A PEDICURE.  Which I'm never going to get.

J - J stands for JELLY BEANS, which we totally got a ginormous bag of one day and ate them all.  Oh yes we did.  Also, I let my Hubs pick out the flavors and that was a mistake.

K - K stands for KNEE IS KILLING ME TODAY.  From sleeping.  I'm officially old.  I get injuries from sleeping.

L - L stands for LUNCH, WHICH I HAVE TO MAKE IN A MINUTE.  These kids, I'm telling you, they do nothing but eat.  It's like they're growing all the time or something.  *eye roll*  Also, this was said tongue in cheek, people.  Don't call DHR on me.  

M - M stands for MY POOR EDWARD DOLL IS SO NEGLECTED.  Seriously, I have no mojo for writing Edward Adventures anymore.  He just lays on my dresser all dressed up in his scarf and no where to go but the library or Walmarts.

N - N stands for NO I'M NOT A HERMIT.  Also, this might be false.

O - O stands for OLD NAVY.  Because we just shopped there and it seemed better to write that than OLIVES, WHAT I NEVER REMEMBER TO BUY AT THE STORE.

P - P stands for PILLOW PET, which is the only thing my daughter asked for her birthday.  The only thing.  Also, I just don't get the whole PILLOW PET draw, people.

Q - Q stands for QUIET, which I never ever get.  Ever, people.  Because I'm never alone now.  Ever, people.  Even on the potty, there's always some dire emergency involving child to child violence or calling poo-poo head.  A closed door means nothing in my house.

R - R stands for READING IS APPARENTLY PUNISHMENT FOR MY KIDS.  Seriously, it's like a game of Let's Make A Deal with my kids getting them to read.

S - S stands for SPACIOUS, which is the opposite of what my kitchen is.

T - T stands for TURRIBLE, JUST TURRIBLE, which is one of my favorite expressions ever and makes me laugh.  Thank you, Mr. Barkley.

U - U stands for UNDERWEAR, which I bought a bunch of recently and am enjoying the "new underwear" phase I've been living in.  If you don't get it...well, I can't help you.

V - V stands for VERY DRY, which is the state of my skin these days.  Probably because I spend most days feeling VERY THIRSTY.

W - W stands for WHEN AM I GOING TO GET A COPY OF MOCKINGJAY?  Some of you, again, are all, huh?  Seriously, people, we clearly don't spend enough time together.

X - X stands for XEROX, because, I can't think what else it should be for.

Y - Y stands for THE YOUTUBES, which I've spent countless hours researching music and videos and tutorials and learning to make high altitude bread machine pizza dough.  I love you, youtubes.  *kissy kissy*

Z - Z stands for um....ZA BLOG, ON WHICH I WRITE SPORADICALLY.  Yes.  Yes it does.

So there you have it, peoples.  Now, I must slap some lunch together, fold some laundry and then make pluck my brows.  Because I live the exciting life.

Happy happy weekendy enjoyment, people.

Monday is a royal pain

Man, I hope I don't blow this job interview.  Also, I'm super craving a hot dog with mustard.

-Things the Queen would never say

Monday is a royal pain

Dang!  The underwire in my bra just totally poked me in the armpit.

-Things the Queen would never say...probably

Keyboard....I forgot the word.

Every week I sit down and confess some things. Or when I go on vacation I just blindly ignore the fact that I even have a blog. It's a gauge to see just how much I'm missed by my masses. Thus far, no one has missed me. It seems I must tweak my experiment.

1. So. In case you forgot my name, since it's been so long since I jotted some randomness down on this cyber paper, it's Wanda. Actually, it's not really Wanda, but you'll never remember my name anyways. Or spell it. Or find it on a coffee mug. It's ok, I'm not crying or anything.  Anymore.

2. I went to the Floridas. We had a family reuniony type get together to celebrate my Gma's 80th birthday. My sister and I were the only Eskimoey gals there. Which pretty much makes us rock stars.

3. Then I whisked myself away to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter to meet up with my buddies and pals, my cyber friends turned IRL friends, Winn, Vanessa and Carrie. Total blast. Except, have I mentioned that the heat index that day was 103? No? Well, let me just say, if you're at the WW of HP and are dying of heat, grab yourself a frozen butterbeer because it is AMAZEBALLS.

4. Also, should you be at the WW of HP and the heat index is OneThousandPlusDegrees outside, skip Olivander's Wand Shop. Just...trust me. Shop online for a wand should you feel the pressing need to own one. No line in the blistering heat is worth it unless I get to make out with something cold and frosty and maybe eat some cake at the end of the line. Which did not happen with Olivander's.

5. The rides? SO MUCH FUN. You know, one doesn't always know how one is going to behave on a fast ride. One might scream bloody murder, one might cry with fear, or one might laugh maniacally. I am the maniacally laughing one. Someone has to do it. I shall do it gladly.

6. Also, sit on your shoes in the Dragon Challenge. Also, just...trust me.

7. Confession: I did not go with my children and I am almost over the guilt. I went, childless, to play with my friends in a giant theme park. I know. It's ok to be jealous of me.

8. So when we came home, we began some family celebratory stuff with the Hubs, because he missed us and stuff. And so we let our kiddos pick out a movie. They chose Beezus and Ramona. And inside my head I was all, laaaaaame. I mean, I read the books and junk growing up but seriously, I thought the movie was going to be laaaaaame. Except, most of the way through the movie, me and the Hubs were laughing, OUT LOUD even, and fighting tears. I know. So dumb of us. We get it.

9. My Gma hates my dark purple nails. If I was really sweet, I would send her a bottle of dark purple nail polish for Christmas.

10. Tell me, please, all three of you who still read this, would you care to see me explain how to be a locker hooker? You won't need special fishnet tights or anything.

11. I really want some of my sister's french toast. Would anyone care to make me some? *crickets* Ok then.

12. Man. All this inactivity on my bloggage area is taxing my brain. Also, I kind of have to pee and I'm really hungry. Distracting.

13. Ramble ramble ramble.

14. Oh! Words for the wise, don't tell people you're trying to be a writer. Because this is what they'll do. *Blink blink blink nod look elsewhere uncomfortably* And you will go *awkward smile sniff armpit furrow brow in confusion crave cake* Seriously. Only tell your mom. Because your mom thinks you can do anything. Also, she lived through all your talk of being a scientist, living in Japan in a pagoda and driving a Rolls Royce without scoffing.

15. Also, I lived that dream until I discovered I sucked at all kinds of science. Alas.

16. But it was a definite improvement from wanting to be a professional ice skater with the nickname "Twinkletoes". Don't.ask.

17. I dreamed last night I was Lara Crofty running across tightwires and riding horses to safety, all while acting super confident and strutting all slender and lithe. You can imagine my disappointment upon waking.

18. But I'll bet Lara Croft can't locker hook. *crickets* Ok then.

19. Two words. Jamba Juice.

20. You raise your eyebrows questionably to Jamba Juice? It's almost as good as Butterbeer.

Happy weekendish enjoyment.

Happiness is...

...finishing a mammoth crafting project already.  Like this one:

Dude, you really can't get the whole size and scope of this bad boy.  But it's big.  And done.  And resting happily on my kitchen floor, the room I dub The Burrow, because I'm weird that way.

Locker hooking, it's the new cool.

This post brought to you by the fabulous Leigh vs. Laundry and the Happiness Project.

Monday is a royal pain

Curse you, Eve!  Cuuurrrrsseee yoooouuuu!

- Things the Queen would never say...in public, maybe

Keyboard Confessions: the domesticky edition

If you're new around these here parts, I write random lists on Friday.  If you're not new around these here parts, you're just going "get on with it".  Yeah yeah, I hear you.

1.  I am a domesticky goddess.  It's true.

2.  I know this because I have made two loaves of bread this week.

3.  Also, I vacuumed.

4.  So I'm not going to win any awards, you say.  Yeah?  Well what if I tell you I'm about to WASH MY SHEETS.

5.  God, my life can't get any more exciting.

6.  I may have to do some Jillian Michaels.  I did some Jillian a few days ago and it's taken until today for my legs to work again.  No, I'm really not exaggerating.

7.  Guess what?  Jillian has no breasts.  I know this because she keeps demanding I do these ridiculous things called "jumping jacks".  Psh.  As if!!  Round these here parts we call those "holy cow where's the duct tape?"

8.  Also, I'm hoping the neighbors moved out downstairs.

9.  Have I brushed my teeth today?  Hmm.  I may be a domesticky goddess, but I'm not so good at remembering the inane like teethbrushing and what date it is.

10.  Also, I need to figure out a way to slice my homemade bread without looking like it's been through a bakery massacre.

11.  Today is National Cheesecake Day.  And if you're near a Cheesecake Factory, slices of cheesecake are half-price with dine in.

12.  Guess where I'm headed tonight?

13.  Also, if I don't get out of the house soon, I might start doing something SERIOUSLY DOMESTICKY like clean my bathtub.

14.  GET ME OUT OF MY HOUSE, I SAY.

15.  *weep*  I'm so bored.

16.  It's a good thing my kids fight nonstop.  *not*  At least they keep me awake.

17.  Also, I'm preparing for a vlog.  My first ever.  Because I know you're all desperate to catch a glimpse of me.  Especially where I demonstrate how to locker hook.  Not that kind of hook.

18.  Man I super need to brush my teeth.  It's a good thing I just ate some pepper jack cheese.  Such a mouth enhancer.

19.  I feel like Jesus in the beginning of that videospoofthingy.  "Just one moment of peace...please."  What videospoofthingy, you ask?  This one:



20.  AHAHAAHAHAHAAH  *wipes eyes*  oh man, that's classic.

Happy...what day is it?  Cheesecake Day?  Happy Cheesecake Day.

I Admit It, I'm A Dork: A Guest Post from Confessions From a Working Mom

If you don't read Elizabeth from Confessions from a Working Mom, I might just have to break up with you.  Because she's awesome.  As a former Working Mother who used the same exact work phone as Elizabeth, I felt an immediate kinship with her and was so excited that she's going to be hanging out with us, here at the Tomato Pad.  Lend her an ear, or an eye, and show her the lurve!



Elizabeth of Online PhD:

There are two types of people in this world.

The first type includes people like my husband. They are the people who dreaded the first day of school. They're the ones who counted down until the clock struck 3pm and the dismissal bell rang. They're the ones who wished winter vacation would never end.

Then there are those who have their first day of school outfit picked out before summer break ever starts. They're the ones who have their term papers written two weeks before they're due, and always study in study hall.

I fall into that second category.

I've always been what you would call "a dork". In fact, many times I have been called a dork. I've also been called a nerd, a geek, and a brown-noser. I've recited the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" so many times that I should have it tattooed on my upper arm.

But despite that, it still struck me as odd when I began having alarmingly nostalgic pangs for my old academic days.

It started when I took a new way home from work a few weeks ago. This is a route that takes me directly through a college campus in the town where I live. It's not where I went to school, but there were enough similarities to trigger some deep-seated emotions.

On my drive, I could see the fluorescent lights of the dormitory hallways shining even in the midst of summer break, when it was likely that not a single soul was in the building.

I could see the stoic lecture halls, vacant for the summer, awaiting the return of the giants of academia in the fall.

I could see the pristine campus quad, with acres and acres of finely manicured grass, which will be trampled on in criss-cross patterns when students return in the fall.

And, as I saw all this, I felt a lump rise up in my throat. It was a lump that told me, "This is where you belong."

I'm really not sure if that lump wanted me back on campus as a student (I've always dreamed of earning my Ph.D. in something completely engaging and utterly useless, like theology or philosophy) or as a professor (I already have a masters degree in communications, so I could teach as an adjunct member of the faculty). I'm not sure if that lump simply wanted me to pull the car over to the side of the road and walk the hallowed university grounds. I just had this all-consuming feeling that the campus setting is where I belong, and where, ultimately, I will end up.

What happens to a dream deferred? Langston Hughes pondered this very question, and the truth is, I don't know. I think we all have dreams, goals we'd like to accomplish, but we put them off. Now isn't the right time. I'll get around to doing that later. But why? Why do we put ourselves-- and our aspirations-- on hold?

I'm not sure how long it will take me to get there. I'd really like to finish paying off the degrees I already have (which, if my calculations are right, won't be until my daughter is a sophomore in college) before I apply for FAFSA yet again. But I know I'll get there.

So, the next time you think about calling me a dork, remember this: I may be your child's English 101 instructor some day. That's Professor dork to you!

Elizabeth is a content writer for Online Schools and Online MBA, who gives advice on the pursuit of education and living a healthy life. In her free time, she enjoys chasing after who toddler, who is usually chasing after the dog, who is usually chasing after the mailman. You get the idea.



~* Visit Me Online *~
BLOG: http://confessionsfromaworkingmom.com
TWITTER: @IAmConfessing

Lessons in frugality: The homemade laundry soap edition

So, now that this sister is hanging out at home full time, I figured I'd do what I could to reduce our overhead.  Because I'm nice that way.  Also, I'd rather buy cake then pay for spendierish things.  Like laundry soap.

If you throw a cyber rock here on the innernets, you'll find a blogpost that talks about how to make homemade laundry soap.  My personal favorite is this awesome ladyfriend and her post on the abovereferencedthingIjustsaid.

I trolled the Walmarts and found these items:

*Three bars of Ivory soap.  It was like, idk, somewhere around $1.09 for all three.
*Borax.  Our Walmart carries it, but some don't.  But they were out so I had to troll the Safeway aisles and I suspect they're highish, so I spent around $5.49 for this big ole box.
*Arm & Hammer Washing Soda.  Also at my Walmart.  But surely at some randomish store near you should your Walmart not be as cool as mine.  It will be in the Detergent aisle.  I spent around $2.49 for this.

So I spent in total somewhere around $8.00ish dollars.

You'll also need:

*A bowl.  Color need not matter.  You can relax on that.
*Cheese grater.  Or a fancypants food processor.  I am not fancypants.
*Air tight container.  I used one I just had around the house, because I'm resourceful like that.
*Measuring Cups.  Which is not pictured.  Because I forgot.  Alas.

So first thing you'll need to do is grate a bar of soap.  It's way easy.  It took like, 47 seconds.  I'm just guessing because I didn't actually time myself or anything but dude, the point is, it's way easy.  I just said that.

See?  Easy peasy grated soapy.  Now add in the Borax and Washing Soda and mix well.  I just chucked mine into the container, closed it up and pretended I was playing the maracas.  Look, it's kind of boring around here.  I gotta make my own fun.

THE RECIPE:


1 bar of grated Ivory soap (or some crazy kind called Fels-Naptha that I didn't feel like hunting down)
1/2 cup Borax
1/2 cup Arm & Hammer washing soda


Use 1 Tablespoon for each load.

Aaaaand voila.  You've got your homemade powder laundry soap.  

Now because I had 3 bars of Ivory Soap, I tripled my recipe which gave me this bounty:

So as time goes on, I'll probably add to my bounty with more batches, because I'm psycho and like to see a full container.  And the soap bars are all I'll need for eons because there's still tons left in the Borax and Washing Soda.

**This recipe does not suds up.  So don't be alarmed if you don't see giant soapy bubbles in your washing machine.
**This recipe also doesn't give the clean-laundry-smelly-good-perfumy-fragrance that most commercial laundry soaps have.  So don't be alarmed if the first few days you find yourself shoving socks into your spouse's face going "Does this smell clean?  I can't tell if it's clean. What do you think?" You can always add a few drops of essential oils to your batch.
**You can add bleach if you feel like you need to, just be careful to not mix it with something that will make a ka-boom, like vinegar.  Also, I'm assuming it makes a ka-boom.  I've not yet tried it.  Homeschool project, anyone?  Just kidding.  Maybe.


You can also make liquid homemade laundry soap if you're into the liquid thing.  I found a great site here that has 10 recipes.

Supposedly this stuff lasts for months at a time.  And if you do complicated Pythagorean Theorem mathematics I'm probably averaging somewhere around 4 cents a load.  Or something.

Happy Laundering.

Monday is a royal pain

All right stop, Collaborate and listen

Ice is back with my brand new invention

Something grabs a hold of me tightly

Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly

Will it ever stop? Yo! I don't know

Turn off the lights and I'll glow

To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal

Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle.

--Things the Queen would never say, or rap...probably

Keyboard Confessions

Every week I sit down and confess some things.  Mostly this is just an excuse to write a list.

1.  My Hubs is home.  I am soooo glad.

2.  But wait, you're saying, I didn't even know he was gone!  I know, confusified reader.  It's because I kept that little snippet of info to myself.

3.  Hello, I had just moved to a random town in a new state precisely 900 bajillion miles away from Alabama, live in this crowded complex and was going to be home alone with my two kids.  I totally wasn't going to alert the possible killer neighbor that I was spouseless for 10 whole days, was I?

4.  Of course, now the possible killer neighbor can just come and kill us whilst my Hubs is home.  I hadn't thought of that...

5.  Well, don't worry, worried reader.  I tried to bake some zucchini bread to share with my immediate neighbors, you know, to make them like me and not kill me and hate my kids because they jump instead of walk and stuff, only we live a whole mile above sea level and so therefore my zucchini bread was zucchini bricks.  So, I can always toss a brick at any creepified neighbor.

6.  Seriously, I had to shave the outer layer of the loaf to even find something soft enough to nibble.  Also, because both loaves were not giveable, I had to nibble both loaves.

7.  I bought some shorts.  I know, I'm shocked at my crazy behavior too.

8.  Except, guess what?  The zipper was broken in one of the pairs only I didn't know it until AFTER I came home from an afternoon spent at Chick-fil-A.  I know.  It's a good thing I was wearing bright colored panties so the whole restaurant could see them whilst I was asking for a refill of Diet Coke.

9.  Humility.  Thank you, God, for reminding me to heed my mother's advice and wear clean underwear.

10.  Hubs is home.  This means that I have three people to clean up after now instead of two.  It's a good thing he's so cute and I'm so glad he's home.

11.  No one is digging my Ode.  Except for a few sweet friends, including my awesome friend Marisa, who wrote this awesome short story.  She's way going to be famousy one day, folks.  You just wait.

12.  I've been to our library now three times in one week.  It's like I don't have a life or something.

13.  Also, it's possible I was a wee bit over zealous with my newly acquired library card.  There are seven books on my bedside table.  Seven.  It's like I don't have a life or something.

14.  De ja vu.  It's like I've said that before or something.

15.  I don't know how to do that cute little mark above the de ja vu.

16.  There's an IKEA six hours from me.  I way need to make a road trip.

17.  Anyone speak Swedish?

18.  Also, I hear they pass out meatballs.  This is good.  Now I can just spend my food money on more furniture.

19.  Also, how do you say "Oh man, you got any Febreze?" in Swedish?

20.  Time to go eat a burger.  My life is practically a novel in it's utter coolness.

Peace out, yo.

Ode to a Mattress: the tale of a disgruntled and very sleepy princess

This here is my entry to the Merry Sisters of Fate's contest which is a written piece stemmed from this prompt:

The Princess and the Pea.  I chose an Ode.  Because I do love me some Odes.  Here goes.

Oh you pile of mattresses--

You're mocking me, taunting me with elusive sleep.

I lay all sweetly, with my arms all neatly crossed over my chest.  

Breath all zenlike and close my eyes.  

Ugh.  I toss and turn.

Counting sheep and rearranging covers on my reclined body.

One leg in, one leg out.

Dang.  Shouldn't've had that Diet Coke for dinner.  

I turn on my side, hoping for sleep to steal over me like that one girl,

what’s her name…

Oh yes, Sleeping Beauty.

Where, oh where is a loom with a sharp spindle thingy when you need one?

I flop on my stomach and stuff my face into my pillow.

Down feathers cram their way into my nose

causing a serious sneezing fit.

Exhausted, I lie on my back.

What is that?

Something is digging into my left shoulder blade.

I must find it.  I must find it now.

I must eradicate it, just like I did to that pimple on my forehead.

I climb on hands and knees towards the ladder

perched precariously against my stack of mattresses.

Swinging my legs around and climbing down

on bare toes totally makes me feel all gymnasticsy.

I pass each mattress on my downward trek, all twenty of them.

Quilts of various squashiness and sheets 

sticking out like lettuce on a sandwich.  

Man, I could go for a late night grilled cheese.

I reach the bottom and crouch down on the floor,

trying to peer into the cracks betwixt fabric and mattress.

Somewhere is a Thing.  Surely it’s an orange.

I must perform bedsheet surgery and locate It.

A Princess must have beauty sleep, after all.

At least, that's what Cosmo tells me.  

Not to mention the article about 14 ways to kiss a boy.

But that's another story.

I shove my arm between mattresses and grope with my fingers.

Aha!  There It is!

Grasping It between my fingers, I trap It in my vise of a hand,

draw It out.

It’s...a pea.

A tiny green pea.

What my mother, The Queen, would properly name as

an English Pea.  Because she's way proper like that.

What to do with The Thing?

I cross the room and place it on the windowsill.

It’s far away from my bed- er, beds.

Perhaps now I might get some stinking sleep.

I climb the ladder, toss myself on my pillow.

My eyes close and I slip off to the Land of Nod

and dream.

Of Prince William feeding me...peas.