DIY Onesies, or, the first time I used an iron in like, three years.

So.  I said that I would splash about pictures of crafts that I've done that I found on Pinterest.  Well, HERE I GO...SPLASHING ABOUT!!

My sister is about to have a baby.  Like, literally, she's about to have him any minute now.  A boy.  A wee babe with testosterone.  Thus, I decided to make customized onesies with wittyish sayings.  Because that's how I roll here at Chez Murphy.  With the wit and the saying of the wit.

Prepare for photo splashing.

What you'll need for this project:

1.  Ideas.  Or, you can just steal ideas from other people.  Dude.  It's not like we own the sayings.  Steal!  Steal away!  Also, don't tell anyone I told you to steal.

2.  Fabric Transfer Paper.  Idk why I capitalized all that.  I found my FTP at the Walmarts.

3.  Onesies.  Also found at the Walmarts.  With a coupon.  Word.

4.  Scissors.  For you shall cut and trim and cut some more.  And trim.

5.  An iron.  Which I had to hunt for because I don't do any ironing around these here parts.  That's what the dryer is for.  Also, I just revealed how great of a housewife I am.

Ok, now to get started on Fabulous Onesies With Wittyish Sayings.

First, go on your compy and create the designs you want to use.  Or, get your husband to do it like mine did, because My Hubs is the bestest.  Once you've gotten your designs/sayings/pictures/whathaveyou all ready, print them out on your Fabric Transfer Paper.  HOWEVER, DON'T FORGET TO DO IT AS A REVERSE IMAGE.  OR MIRROR IMAGE.  OR WHATEVER OPTION MAKES IT LOOK ALL BACKWARDSY.  I forgot to do this the first time around and thus cussed in my mind and sat frantically at the computer until My Hubs took over and figured out what to do.  So.  Lesson learned - read the instructions in the FTP which clearly state to make your images reversed.  Moving on.

So once you have your images printed out and they are backwardsy, cut them out leaving a very small margin.  Also, I should mention that I chose the LIGHT Fabric Transfer Paper.  Because I was using white onesies.  And thus, you shall have a pile of cut out images, like so:

The backwardsy look is confusing, I know.  Now you need to get your iron ready.  Make sure there is no water in your iron and the steam option is turned off.  Now heat up your iron for five minutes on the highest cotton setting.  Prepare your surface.  For me, that meant sponging off all the crumbs and whatnot stuck to my table.  Then I laid a towel on the table as my ironing surface.  The instructions say not to use an ironing board.  Idk why.  It's a mystery.

Now is a good time to get a helper.  This is mine.

She got bored pretty quick, though.  Not helpful at.all.

Now that your iron is all hotty hot hot, iron your towel.  To rid the towel of creases.  Now, iron your onesie or tshirt or whathaveyou.  Now your surface is ready for Witty Saying Or Image Placement.  Like so:

You place your image where it is on the fabric and where it's not showing all backwardsy anymore.  Get it?  Once all centered and such, iron that bad boy.

Have I told you how difficult it is to iron and take a photo all at the same time?  Nay?  Well.  Take my word for it.  Word.

Iron iron iron.  The instructions tell you how long.  I did it for around 45 seconds.  In smooth movements, emphasizing the corners.  OOH- I forgot to mention, when you cut out your images, make the edges rounded.  This prevents the edges not adhering and whathaveyouandthings.  So.  Now that your image is all ironed on your fabric, let that cool off for a couple of minutes.  While one was cooling, I was repeating all these steps with the next onesie.  I am practically as organized as Martha Stewart, I tell you.

Once your fabric is all cooly cooled, you are ready to begin peeling.  I just began slowly peeling away one corner of the ironed on image.  It's not rocket science.

Slow slow slooooowwww.  It's not a race.  Also, that scratch on my hand?  From a tree at work.  Christmas is dangerous, I tell you.

Now, your transfer paper backing is peeled off.  Voila.

Boom.  You're done.

Here are all my finished onesies.

And there you have it.  DIY Customized Baby Onesies With Awesome Wittyish Sayings.  Also, can you tell my family is heavily influenced by Apple?

Keyboard Confessions: the long lost version

It's that time again.  Time for me to perch at my compy and whip out a batch of random nothings that mean the world to me and my masses.  Or, just a list for you other folks who aren't part of that masses.

1.  So it turns out that I work best undah pressah.  Like, I could blog and write and all kinds of stuff whilst working 40+ hours a week, yet now that I'm a Lady of Leisurenessosity, I can't think up anything to write that doesn't involve boogers.

2.  So, I enrolled my kids in school and applied for a job.

3.  Hahahaha, wait, lest you think I did all that just to keep my poor blog afloat, I did no such thing.  Ahem.

4.  Guess what?  I shall have to take out a small loan to afford all the school supplies for my kids, and guess what?  None of the supplies are on sale like back in August.  Alas.  Also, one of them needs 20 glue sticks.  20.  I'm pretty sure that means they're eating it for snack.

5.  Tonight, I have a job interview.  I might be Restoring some Hardware, ifyouknowhatImean.  Also, some of you might not have that store in your local mall.  So that sentence made not one lick of sense to you.

6.  Also, guess what?  I got rid of almost all my work attire upon moving here, because I needed the room for my yarn and books.  So guess what?  I shall have to be creative in my interview outfit.  I wonder if my Life Is Good Tshirts are considered dressy?

7.  Pizza dough, that's what I'm making today.  Also, I was a wee bit heavy handed in my garlic additions today.  Also, I'm planning on freezing my dough, so therefore, my ice cubes just might taste a bit Italian.

8.  I love love love that my modest Keyboard Confessions has hit the innernets like a kangaroo running from poachers.  I know at least 5 people that do them now.  I feel such the trendsetter.  And proud too.

9.  Also, guess what?  I almost cried whilst applying for employment at my local mall.  I mean, I have a college degree for pete's sake and I'll be lucky to make minimum wage.  What is wrong with this picture?

10.  However, that Subaru Forrester shall be mine, I say.  MINE.

11.  When me and the Hubs first moved here, we used to play a game called "who can spot the most Subarus".  It got old real fast because guess what?  I'm pretty sure the Subaru is the state car of the Coloradoes.  It was like "there's a Subaru, there's a Subaru, there's a Subaru, there's a Subaru, there's another....this is boring."

12.  I owned a Subaru for five days once upon a time before it was stolen at a dollar theater parking lot.  It's a thrilling, gripping story, I tell you.  Fear not, I got it back.  Eventually.

13.  Also, here in the Coloradoes?  Guess what?  You can't live here without blowing your nose at least three times a day because of the boogers.  It's true.  Ask anyone here.

14.  Actually, don't ask just anyone, because only a few select members of the Coloradoes are probably secure enough in our coolness to discuss boogers freely.  I am a member and I'm proud of it, I tell you.

15.  But just here on the innernets, people.  Not in real life because I got a rep to protect.  Also, I'm not really sure what that rep is, but it's something importanty.  Also, if someone talked to me about boogers in real life, my Hubs would so be facepalming.  It's true.  Ask anyone here.

16.  I made homemade dishwasher detergent.  I'll bet you're dying for me to share the recipe, aren't you? You can't get enough of my tutorials.

17.  Speaking of tutorials, I'm still planning my tutorial on How To Be A Lockerhooker.  You can't wait, can you?

18.  You know what I'll miss the most about being with my kids nonstop?  The fighting.  Their nonstop, incessant, daily, hourly bickeringfightingnamecallingsometimesslapping.  I shall shed a tear, I tell you.

19.  Except if I shed a tear, there might be an increase in the abovereferenced boogers.  I shall have to chew gum to distract myself from the tears/boogers.

20.  Unless I bite my tongue whilst chewing the gum.  There shall be tears.  And we've come full circle.

Have an amazing and booger free weekend, my friends.