Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Thursday Confessions

Time means nothing anymore, so who cares if I post this random list today instead of tomorrow?  Not I, I say.

1.  My garbage disposal is called The IN-SINK-ERATOR.

2.  I find this awesome.

3.  I find it disturbing that I'm still laughing about it.

4.  Tomorrow, I shop for groceries.  You know something is super wrong with your life when you're super excited to actually get out of the house to buy groceries.

5.  Also, I'm buying black grapes for 49 cents a pound.  You'd be excited too if you had this bounty to shop from.

6.  We're having a house guest soon.  I suppose this means I need to put on real clothes instead of wearing jammies all day long.  Man.  Such work.

7.  You know your life is super exciting when you're knitting yourself a dishtowel to match the rug you lockerhooked.

8.  This post might be hazardous to your health.  Do no read while driving or operating heavy machinery.  It's so sleep-inducing.

9.  Also tomorrow?  I'm sucking down the biggest fattest Jamba Juice ever.  Don't get in the way of me and my cravings, I tell you.

10.  I just found out that two other people I know have garbage disposals called The IN-SINK-ERATOR.

11.  I am no longer laughing.

12.  You know what though?  I'm pretty peckish.

13.  Shall I have a pb&j?  Or turkey with provolone cheese with mustard?

14.  These are the exciting things I have to decide.

15.  Later on, I'll get to decide do a dark load or do a white load.

16.  I don't blame you if you want my life.  It's pretty rock star.

17.  I don't think this whole staying home thing is taking to me.

18.  If I walk for 20 minutes, I can buy myself a Diet Coke.

19.  Ooh, another choice to make:  shall I go to the library tonight to pay my 30 cents fine or go tomorrow and pay 40 cents?

20.  Man.  Maybe I shouldn't write this bloggy stuff until something more exciting happens.  I'll get back to you next year.  

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Tuesday is a royal pain, especially when Monday was a holiday

I wonder if Eclipse is still playing anywhere?  Shut up.  It's a good movie.  

-Things the Queen would never say

Friday, September 3, 2010

Keyboard Confessions: the homeschool edition

So, it's Friday, which is the day I normally earmark for random nonsense in a list format.  Sometimes I actually confess things, sometimes I just don't have the energy.  Today might be one of those days where I just blather on about Diet Coke.  We'll see how it goes.

Since I'm homeschooling my two (insert noun indicating person, place or thing) now, I'm going to shake up my KC's a bit and do an alphabetical list (alphabetical list would be a common noun, common as it is not capitalized).  This is what we studied today.  You're welcome for the review.

A - A stands for ABUSE, as in, my children are not allowed to use my Febreze anymore, because they ABUSE IT when they do.  As in, they sprayed my blinds.  I found them dripping wet.  Febreze.  It's not cheap, people.

B - B stands for BOOKS.  As in, my escape from reality.  Which is why I have four on my nightstand right now.  Four.  And am heading to the library for one more which is waiting on me and they will so charge me a dollar if I don't go pick it up before tomorrow.  I know, steep fines, people.  Also, this is the secret life of a rock star.

C - C stands for CONE.  As in, a CONE from Baskin Robbins, which is right next door to us.  Right next door, I say, people.  I'm sure if you cut me, I will bleed Chocolate and Peanut Butter ice cream.  And I'll probably lick wherever you cut me.

D - D stands for DIET COKE.  Which I never buy anymore for the house which means I daily crave that wicked concoction.  Like right now.

E - E stands for ELEVENTY HUNDRED.  As in, I've asked my kids to wash their hands after pottying ELEVENTY HUNDRED times.  They always forget.  It's just gross, people.

F - F stands for FOR DANG REAL.  As in, when I told my mom my kids never remember to wash their hands after pottying she said "that's gross".  And I was like, FOR DANG REAL.

G - G stands for GOOD THINGS THE QUEEN WOULD NEVER SAY, which I think about eleventy hundred times a day and never remember to write down.  I should be making millions with what's in my mind, people.  Some of you are like, huh?  Come back on a Monday, confusified reader.  Or, read my archives.

H - H stands for HIGH ALTITUDE, which is what keeps me from baking crazy awesome bread in my bread machine.  Because we're precisely 9 million miles above sea level which means you have to perform crazy hard Pythagorean Theorem changes to your basic bread machine recipes.  Thus far, I can only make pizza dough in mine.

I - I stands for I NEED A PEDICURE.  Which I'm never going to get.

J - J stands for JELLY BEANS, which we totally got a ginormous bag of one day and ate them all.  Oh yes we did.  Also, I let my Hubs pick out the flavors and that was a mistake.

K - K stands for KNEE IS KILLING ME TODAY.  From sleeping.  I'm officially old.  I get injuries from sleeping.

L - L stands for LUNCH, WHICH I HAVE TO MAKE IN A MINUTE.  These kids, I'm telling you, they do nothing but eat.  It's like they're growing all the time or something.  *eye roll*  Also, this was said tongue in cheek, people.  Don't call DHR on me.  

M - M stands for MY POOR EDWARD DOLL IS SO NEGLECTED.  Seriously, I have no mojo for writing Edward Adventures anymore.  He just lays on my dresser all dressed up in his scarf and no where to go but the library or Walmarts.

N - N stands for NO I'M NOT A HERMIT.  Also, this might be false.

O - O stands for OLD NAVY.  Because we just shopped there and it seemed better to write that than OLIVES, WHAT I NEVER REMEMBER TO BUY AT THE STORE.

P - P stands for PILLOW PET, which is the only thing my daughter asked for her birthday.  The only thing.  Also, I just don't get the whole PILLOW PET draw, people.

Q - Q stands for QUIET, which I never ever get.  Ever, people.  Because I'm never alone now.  Ever, people.  Even on the potty, there's always some dire emergency involving child to child violence or calling poo-poo head.  A closed door means nothing in my house.

R - R stands for READING IS APPARENTLY PUNISHMENT FOR MY KIDS.  Seriously, it's like a game of Let's Make A Deal with my kids getting them to read.

S - S stands for SPACIOUS, which is the opposite of what my kitchen is.

T - T stands for TURRIBLE, JUST TURRIBLE, which is one of my favorite expressions ever and makes me laugh.  Thank you, Mr. Barkley.

U - U stands for UNDERWEAR, which I bought a bunch of recently and am enjoying the "new underwear" phase I've been living in.  If you don't get it...well, I can't help you.

V - V stands for VERY DRY, which is the state of my skin these days.  Probably because I spend most days feeling VERY THIRSTY.

W - W stands for WHEN AM I GOING TO GET A COPY OF MOCKINGJAY?  Some of you, again, are all, huh?  Seriously, people, we clearly don't spend enough time together.

X - X stands for XEROX, because, I can't think what else it should be for.

Y - Y stands for THE YOUTUBES, which I've spent countless hours researching music and videos and tutorials and learning to make high altitude bread machine pizza dough.  I love you, youtubes.  *kissy kissy*

Z - Z stands for um....ZA BLOG, ON WHICH I WRITE SPORADICALLY.  Yes.  Yes it does.

So there you have it, peoples.  Now, I must slap some lunch together, fold some laundry and then make pluck my brows.  Because I live the exciting life.

Happy happy weekendy enjoyment, people.
Related Posts with Thumbnails