Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Another list. Let's just call a spade a spade. Or call Keyboard Confessions a list.

It's been a really boring busy week.  I've spent most every day watching Dexter on Netflix writing awesome and interesting and importanty stuff.  Also, I lie tell the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me I need some cake.

1.  So today, I'm at my kids' school, being an awesome room parent.  Feeding kids high fructose corn syrup and complimenting their costumes.  My husband is not excited to be here, yet he gamely showed up to help.  Give that guy a Klondike bar.  Don't give me one though, or I'll get a stomach ache and probably will cause someone in the room to question who farted.

2.  I'm assuming no one is reading this blog anymore because I hardly ever update anymore.  It's ok.  I understand.  Also, I'm probably eating a cupcake so I'm not crying.  Feel free to feel jealous because I'm eating a cupcake.

3.  It's getting cold in these here parts of the Coloradoes.  Also, I've been coughing for almost a month.  I keep hoping that all these stomach contractions are making me skinny.  Also, I hope Halls lozenges are not fattening.

4.  Some days, folks, I wake up with nary a clue as to what the heck I'm doing with my life.  Today, nay, this entire week is one of those days, er, weeks.

5.  It is also disheartening that I shall be turning 35 in less than a month and feel as dumb and clueless as I did at the tender age of 17 and I was graduating high school.  Also, at least I had the good sense to wear jeans and Vans at my graduation, instead of stuffing myself into some random dress.

6.  Also, my Vans?  Got holes in the big toes because my big toe sticks up.  It's like all the fat in my feet goes straight to my big toe.

7.  Also, someone once told me I have ugly feet.  This was almost as fun as that one time I was told I was thick.

8.  I used my hair dryer for the first time in one three five years.  Why have I eschewed this glorious piece of machinery?  *pats my soft hair*

9.  I'm always slow on the uptake, people.  Just ask my Hubs and this one random conversation fight about DVD players.  It takes me awhile to jump onboard, people.  It's just my way.

10.  Christmas is like, less than 60 days away.  I've not even begun to shop, people.  Not.even.begun.

11.  I think I'm going to do a segment each week haha yeah right doing a book review.  Because I eat books for breakfast, people.  All three of you still reading this might really hate it like it.

12.  I signed up for NaNoWriMo.  Are you familiar with this?  It's for the budding writer, to commit to writing every day through the month of November.  Who knows, maybe I'll get this novel in my head onto my computer.

13.  I need some music suggestions, people, because my main character loves music.  Who should I check out?  Who will inspire me?

14.  Lip rings.  Your thoughts?

15.  I'm so very bored with this list I think I'll stop here.  I know you're devastated dealing with the loss ok with this.

Have a mediocre great weekend.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Keyblahboard Confessyadayadasions

Snazap.  It's that time again.  Time for me to sit down and entertain your eyeballs with my Keyboard Confessions.  Get ready.  Also, drink some caffeine.

1.  One thing I love about Halloweenish times are the scary movies.

2.  Like, I'm trying to decide sitting here all by my lonesome should I watch The Sixth Sense or Paranormal Activity?  Both are on Netflix Instant Queue.

3.  I'm totally not going to be scared.  Because I'm all adultlike and maturish.  Also, I've got pillows to hide behind.

4.  Except, I just heard a noise outside my window.  Dude.

5.  Ok, if I sit here and pretend I'm dead, maybe it'll go away.

6.  Also, dead people can type on their computers, it's the stuff shows like Ghost Hunters are made of.

7.  Man.  I'm super hungry.  Go away, ghosty person!  I need to make some Top Ramen!  So what if it's only 10:00 in the morning!

8.  Ack!  I just heard a sound!  Oh wait.  It's just my dryer turning off.

9.  Now I must do laundry.  That's truly scary, people.

10.  Equally as scary is the skillet on my stove from two nights ago with scrambled egg remains.

11.  Having lunch with my Hubs today.  I'm thinking Mexican.

12.  I'm wondering how I can include cake into today's lunch.

13.  I love cake.

14.  Speaking of love and cake, because I love you precious readers, I'm going to share with you the best thing I've read all month.  Prepare yourself.  It's all about cake.  Thank you, Marisa, for sharing this with me!!

15.  Are you dead with laughter?

16.  I Skyped today with Marisa.  I'm so glad I didn't pick my nose online.

17.  I'm reading Harry Potter, The Deathly Hallows, to prepare myself for the awesomeness of Part One of the movie coming out next month.  I cast myself at the genius feet of J.K. Rowling.  Ms. Rowling, should your genius eyeballs ever lay themselves on my humble blog, you're awesome.  Seriously.

18.  I've already planned a date for next month with my Hubs.  Care to know what I've planned?  Of course you do.  First, a rib dinner.  Because it's my one splurge of the month.  Second, pumpkin cheesecake.  Because it's amazeballs.  And then, The Deathly Hallows.  You're all welcome to join me on my date, should you want to partake of the awesomeness I've planned.  Also, I just need to let my Hubs know.  Also, it's Dutch treat.  Because um, just because.

19.  Looking for a haircut.  I'm tempted to see what I can accomplish in my bathroom with my knitting scissors.

20.  Caaaake.

Happy Friday.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The following is an excerpt from a real conversation with my husband, Lance

Me:  I know, right?

Lance:  For dang real.

Me:  Seriously.

Lance:  Word.

Me:  Fancy.

Lance:  Fancy?

Me:  Word.

Lance:  Seriously.

Me:  For dang real.

Lance:  I know, right?

Friday, October 15, 2010

Keyboard Confessions: the employed edition

So it's that time again.  Not time for ladydoctor appointments.  Not time for eyebrow maintenance.  It's time for nonsensical ramblings here on the cyber papers, known as The Blog.

1.  I have had an amazing week.  You're curious, aren't you? Just what happened this week, you ask?  Well, let me indulge you, inquisitive reader.  I am employed.

2.  I've been in training.  And at the end of the evening, I staggered home and attempted to collect the brain pudding leaking from my facial orifices, in hopes I don't forget said training.  Because dude, there's a ton of info stuffed into this here head of mine.  I work for a great company.

3.  And on Sunday? I get to touch cashmere.  It's ok to be uber jealous of me, folks.  I am pretty rock star.

4.  Except, guess what?  I need shoes.  NEED SHOES.  Because this here set of feet of mine are dying.  DYING, I SAY.

5.  Also, give it up for lunch dates with the Hubs.  Sans children.  WOOT.  I wonder how he feels today about sushi?  Or lasagna.  Or an omelet.  I'm not picky.

6.  This morning, whilst escorting my children to their bus stop, I had the most intriguing conversation with an Indian girl about Indian cuisine.  I discovered that my taste buds are still in their baby phase.  I have had nary an exotic dish from the Land of India.  So, my fair and learned readers, what Indian dish should I try?

7.  Keep in mind that I'm a total wimp with spiciness.  I'm sure babies in India suck on dollops of flaming lumps of spicy things, but this here sister cannot handle it.

8.  But you know what this sister can down?  Ice cream.  Yep.  Chocolate and Peanut Butter Baskin Robbins.

9.  My cold is here to live, I think.  Yep, practically setting up a house in my lungs as we speak, organizing a Home Owners Organization.  Mowing the lawn.  Here to stay.

10.  So, one of the best things about where I work?  There are Twilight lovers.  So, I can talk freely about my Edward doll with nary a "ohmygawd, she is cah-razy" look.  Now if only they know about Star Wars, I have found employment heaven.

11.  Also, there's other knitters.  So therefore, I can get my knit on in the breakroom.

12.  Also, I told you I would post self-pumpupedness pictures from crafts I've done.  Well guess what?  I have nary a pic to share.  Try not to hurt yourself breathing in relief.

13.  Maybe pancakes for lunch.

14.  For reasons I've yet to discover, I spent an hour watching videos of removing boils from people's backs.  Also, I'm fairly certain there's bad grammar in there somewhere.

15.  So me and the Hubs have been learning about Henry VIII.  He was kind of a douche.

16.  Also, I've been trolling the innernets to find out of Clarice from Steel Magnolias was correct when she said Anne Boleyn had six fingers.  Any English Tudor smarties out there know the answer to that?

17.  Also, did you know that King Henry had two wives named Anne and three named Catherine (or Katherine)?  I'll bet he got confused.  Probably why he hacked so many of their heads off or divorced them.

18.  Also, I secretly wonder if anyone in England is trolling the innernets to discover the history behind famousy Americans.  Like Madonna.  Or Mitch Hedberg.

19.  Also, I like to eat Kit Kats unless I'm with four or more people.

20.  Also, here's a nod to you Mitch Hedberg fans:  we went to the Cracker Barrels the other day and submitted our name "Dufrane, party of 5".  I'm pretty sure we were the only ones to got that joke.

Have an excellent comedy filled and executionless weekend, my friends.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Monday is a royal pain

In the immortal words of Garfield, "I hate Mondays."

--Things the Queen probably says every single Monday

Friday, October 8, 2010

Keyboard Cone-fess-shauns

Most weeks, I sit down here at my trusty computer and jot down random nonsense in a list format. Sometimes it's confessions, sometimes it's drivel.  It's anyone's guess what today's will be like.

1.  Through the miracle of technologicalaciousness, I am once again updating from the Apple store.

2.  Through the process of hermitness and nonupdateness, I have lost many a blog follower.

3.  Through the awesomeness of PMS cream, I am not crying about this.

4.  Through the somethingness of not eating after dark, I have dropped five pounds.  Or approximately 3.7 muffins from my top.

5.  It's getting chill-ay here in the Coloradoes.  This means that in the mornings, you shiver and wrap up in hoodies, and in the afternoons, you swelter if you stand in the sunshine.

6.  I've dropped red meat from my diet.  I feel gooood.

7.  Except sometimes I eat ribs.  Because I'm human and ribs are gooood.

8.  I'm such the innovator:  we are out of cereal and oatmeal for my kids' breakfast.  So I whipped up a batch of pancakes and froze them, so they can have hot pancakes each morning for breakfast.

9.  Also, they will probably fall asleep each morning in school from a carb coma, but whatev.  The point is, I'm an awesome mom.

10.  I like grilled cheesus.  But you know what I like even more than talking to a grilled cheesus?  Eating said grilled cheesus. Because cheesus likes to be in mah belleh.

11.  I'm meeting Hubs for lunch today, sans children.  It's almost a date.  Except we only have like, 55 minutes to be romanticky and sweet.  Also, budgety.

12.  Prepare for self-pumpupedness next week when I post pictures from my latest crafts.  Or, bring caffeine, lest you fall asleep whilst reading my words.  Also, self-pumpupedness is not being noticed by the spell-checker thingy.  I've finally conquered you, automatic spell checker thingy!!  Muahahahaaha.

13.  My Hubs is hot.  I'm not going to show you a picture though, because I don't want you to drool on your compy and sue me for water damage.

14.  We are aging well.  Also, I've spotted like, nineteen gray hairs in my coif.  I'm slathering on more PMS cream lest I cry about this.

15.  Also, I turn 35 in like, a month an a half.  I will be wearing black that day and handing out carnations for my friends and family to toss into my future coffin.  I'm so morbidy.

16.  That's ok, one more step closer to the cheaper side of the menu, in my opinion.

17.  I am whipping out these KCs like hotcakes.  Or, really fast.

18.  I'm dying for a Diet Coke.  Budget or no, I must hook myself up to a DC IV.

19.  Also, I've caught my first cold here in the Coloradoes.

20.  Lest you think it's more glamourous here, let me assure you that it's still coughing and mucus.

Have an excellent, mountainous, Glee-music kind of weekend, my friends.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Monday is a royal pain

Dude.  I'm so hungry my stomach is eating my liver.  

-- Things the Queen would never say.  Unless she was really hungry and right next to a Taco Bell

Friday, October 1, 2010

Keyboard Confessions: the long lost version

It's that time again.  Time for me to perch at my compy and whip out a batch of random nothings that mean the world to me and my masses.  Or, just a list for you other folks who aren't part of that masses.

1.  So it turns out that I work best undah pressah.  Like, I could blog and write and all kinds of stuff whilst working 40+ hours a week, yet now that I'm a Lady of Leisurenessosity, I can't think up anything to write that doesn't involve boogers.

2.  So, I enrolled my kids in school and applied for a job.

3.  Hahahaha, wait, lest you think I did all that just to keep my poor blog afloat, I did no such thing.  Ahem.

4.  Guess what?  I shall have to take out a small loan to afford all the school supplies for my kids, and guess what?  None of the supplies are on sale like back in August.  Alas.  Also, one of them needs 20 glue sticks.  20.  I'm pretty sure that means they're eating it for snack.

5.  Tonight, I have a job interview.  I might be Restoring some Hardware, ifyouknowhatImean.  Also, some of you might not have that store in your local mall.  So that sentence made not one lick of sense to you.

6.  Also, guess what?  I got rid of almost all my work attire upon moving here, because I needed the room for my yarn and books.  So guess what?  I shall have to be creative in my interview outfit.  I wonder if my Life Is Good Tshirts are considered dressy?

7.  Pizza dough, that's what I'm making today.  Also, I was a wee bit heavy handed in my garlic additions today.  Also, I'm planning on freezing my dough, so therefore, my ice cubes just might taste a bit Italian.

8.  I love love love that my modest Keyboard Confessions has hit the innernets like a kangaroo running from poachers.  I know at least 5 people that do them now.  I feel such the trendsetter.  And proud too.

9.  Also, guess what?  I almost cried whilst applying for employment at my local mall.  I mean, I have a college degree for pete's sake and I'll be lucky to make minimum wage.  What is wrong with this picture?

10.  However, that Subaru Forrester shall be mine, I say.  MINE.

11.  When me and the Hubs first moved here, we used to play a game called "who can spot the most Subarus".  It got old real fast because guess what?  I'm pretty sure the Subaru is the state car of the Coloradoes.  It was like "there's a Subaru, there's a Subaru, there's a Subaru, there's a Subaru, there's another....this is boring."

12.  I owned a Subaru for five days once upon a time before it was stolen at a dollar theater parking lot.  It's a thrilling, gripping story, I tell you.  Fear not, I got it back.  Eventually.

13.  Also, here in the Coloradoes?  Guess what?  You can't live here without blowing your nose at least three times a day because of the boogers.  It's true.  Ask anyone here.

14.  Actually, don't ask just anyone, because only a few select members of the Coloradoes are probably secure enough in our coolness to discuss boogers freely.  I am a member and I'm proud of it, I tell you.

15.  But just here on the innernets, people.  Not in real life because I got a rep to protect.  Also, I'm not really sure what that rep is, but it's something importanty.  Also, if someone talked to me about boogers in real life, my Hubs would so be facepalming.  It's true.  Ask anyone here.

16.  I made homemade dishwasher detergent.  I'll bet you're dying for me to share the recipe, aren't you? You can't get enough of my tutorials.

17.  Speaking of tutorials, I'm still planning my tutorial on How To Be A Lockerhooker.  You can't wait, can you?

18.  You know what I'll miss the most about being with my kids nonstop?  The fighting.  Their nonstop, incessant, daily, hourly bickeringfightingnamecallingsometimesslapping.  I shall shed a tear, I tell you.

19.  Except if I shed a tear, there might be an increase in the abovereferenced boogers.  I shall have to chew gum to distract myself from the tears/boogers.

20.  Unless I bite my tongue whilst chewing the gum.  There shall be tears.  And we've come full circle.

Have an amazing and booger free weekend, my friends.
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