Keyboard Confessions: The One Week Crash Course in Cancer Edition

Every week I sit down and write some confessions.  Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list.


Sometimes I write confessions because I feel The Muse.  Today, The Muse has spoken.

1.  So, Breast Cancer is Crazy.

2.  My boosies look awesome.  I'm going to enjoy them while I can.  This is not to be taken in a naughty way.  Also, shame on you for thinking that.

3.  Or maybe you weren't thinking that and now you are thinking that and you're like, dang, why did you have to say that?

4.  Sorry, kind reader.

5.  So, I'm sitting here in my bathing suit.  Why?  Because it fits.  And, it's padded.  hahahaahahaha, still laughing that it's padded.  Also, this is the swimsuit I said eons ago that when I tried it on it was like shoving an apple into a condom.  Remember that?  Well, I'm not hunting for that link.

6.  Man, this post is turning into smut.  Also, for the record, I've never shoved an apple into a condom.

7.  Back on South Beach Diet.  Combining weight I lost in surgery and weight I lost this week, I'm down 10 lbs.  I know, pretty rock star.

8.  I got a free camisole from Nordstrom today because I'm getting a total mastectomy.  Very cool service they provide for us ladies in the need.  This camisole will have little pocket thingies for the drainage tube thingies.  I love the word thingies.

9.  Also?  I'll get my hair washed for free as well after surgery.  That is going to be awesome.  Because before?  My last surgery?  I didn't get to shower for like, 5 days.  It was sicknasty.

10.  I have a date tonight.  Also my kids will be at a sleepover.  Is it too late for me and The Hubs to get passports?

11.  In fact, I need to put on real clothes for said date.  I don't suppose my padded bra swimsuit is good movie theater attire.  This isn't Miami Beach.  Also, for the record, I've never been to Miami Beach.

12.  Today I got a light up Michael Jackson glove in the mail.  I was so excited for it that it made my kids want it.  Too bad, suckas!!

13.  Just kidding.  I'll let them touch my glove a little.  Some day.

14.  I have a big pimple on my chin.  It seems unfair that I must battle acne AND breast cancer.  Can't I catch a break?

15.  I need a haircut.  That is all.

16.  I lied.  I have more to say.  Can I sap out for a moment?  Thank you, kindly.  A huge thank you to any and all people who have been so very encouraging to me during this crazy time.  For you ladies (and my sweet Hubs) who let me blather on about all things BC (Breast Cancer, duh) and all the encompassing worry.  For not lecturing, for not saying inappropriate things**, for saying all the right things...you ladies are awesome.  I hope you know who you are.  I couldn't make it through this without you.

17.  I've also decided to do my best to answer any questions that anyone might have.  So, if you're sitting there, reading this post or past posts and are confused, or full of questions, please feel free to ask me anything.  If you want to remain anonymous, just ask under an anonymous name and I'll do my best to give you the info you need.  So, fire away.

18.  Hmm.  I'm tapped out after this one, I think.  It's been a weird week, so, cut me some slack on my lack of creativity.

Happy weekend!

**such as "I know this lady who died of cancer and if she'd eaten better she'd still be alive so watch what you eat".  Yes, this is inappropriate.  Well meaning, but still inappropriate.  For the record, this really happened.

Keyblahboard Confessyadayadasions

Snazap.  It's that time again.  Time for me to sit down and entertain your eyeballs with my Keyboard Confessions.  Get ready.  Also, drink some caffeine.

1.  One thing I love about Halloweenish times are the scary movies.

2.  Like, I'm trying to decide sitting here all by my lonesome should I watch The Sixth Sense or Paranormal Activity?  Both are on Netflix Instant Queue.

3.  I'm totally not going to be scared.  Because I'm all adultlike and maturish.  Also, I've got pillows to hide behind.

4.  Except, I just heard a noise outside my window.  Dude.

5.  Ok, if I sit here and pretend I'm dead, maybe it'll go away.

6.  Also, dead people can type on their computers, it's the stuff shows like Ghost Hunters are made of.

7.  Man.  I'm super hungry.  Go away, ghosty person!  I need to make some Top Ramen!  So what if it's only 10:00 in the morning!

8.  Ack!  I just heard a sound!  Oh wait.  It's just my dryer turning off.

9.  Now I must do laundry.  That's truly scary, people.

10.  Equally as scary is the skillet on my stove from two nights ago with scrambled egg remains.

11.  Having lunch with my Hubs today.  I'm thinking Mexican.

12.  I'm wondering how I can include cake into today's lunch.

13.  I love cake.

14.  Speaking of love and cake, because I love you precious readers, I'm going to share with you the best thing I've read all month.  Prepare yourself.  It's all about cake.  Thank you, Marisa, for sharing this with me!!

15.  Are you dead with laughter?

16.  I Skyped today with Marisa.  I'm so glad I didn't pick my nose online.

17.  I'm reading Harry Potter, The Deathly Hallows, to prepare myself for the awesomeness of Part One of the movie coming out next month.  I cast myself at the genius feet of J.K. Rowling.  Ms. Rowling, should your genius eyeballs ever lay themselves on my humble blog, you're awesome.  Seriously.

18.  I've already planned a date for next month with my Hubs.  Care to know what I've planned?  Of course you do.  First, a rib dinner.  Because it's my one splurge of the month.  Second, pumpkin cheesecake.  Because it's amazeballs.  And then, The Deathly Hallows.  You're all welcome to join me on my date, should you want to partake of the awesomeness I've planned.  Also, I just need to let my Hubs know.  Also, it's Dutch treat.  Because um, just because.

19.  Looking for a haircut.  I'm tempted to see what I can accomplish in my bathroom with my knitting scissors.

20.  Caaaake.

Happy Friday.