Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Keyboard Confessions: The One Week Crash Course in Cancer Edition

Every week I sit down and write some confessions.  Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list.

Sometimes I write confessions because I feel The Muse.  Today, The Muse has spoken.

1.  So, Breast Cancer is Crazy.

2.  My boosies look awesome.  I'm going to enjoy them while I can.  This is not to be taken in a naughty way.  Also, shame on you for thinking that.

3.  Or maybe you weren't thinking that and now you are thinking that and you're like, dang, why did you have to say that?

4.  Sorry, kind reader.

5.  So, I'm sitting here in my bathing suit.  Why?  Because it fits.  And, it's padded.  hahahaahahaha, still laughing that it's padded.  Also, this is the swimsuit I said eons ago that when I tried it on it was like shoving an apple into a condom.  Remember that?  Well, I'm not hunting for that link.

6.  Man, this post is turning into smut.  Also, for the record, I've never shoved an apple into a condom.

7.  Back on South Beach Diet.  Combining weight I lost in surgery and weight I lost this week, I'm down 10 lbs.  I know, pretty rock star.

8.  I got a free camisole from Nordstrom today because I'm getting a total mastectomy.  Very cool service they provide for us ladies in the need.  This camisole will have little pocket thingies for the drainage tube thingies.  I love the word thingies.

9.  Also?  I'll get my hair washed for free as well after surgery.  That is going to be awesome.  Because before?  My last surgery?  I didn't get to shower for like, 5 days.  It was sicknasty.

10.  I have a date tonight.  Also my kids will be at a sleepover.  Is it too late for me and The Hubs to get passports?

11.  In fact, I need to put on real clothes for said date.  I don't suppose my padded bra swimsuit is good movie theater attire.  This isn't Miami Beach.  Also, for the record, I've never been to Miami Beach.

12.  Today I got a light up Michael Jackson glove in the mail.  I was so excited for it that it made my kids want it.  Too bad, suckas!!

13.  Just kidding.  I'll let them touch my glove a little.  Some day.

14.  I have a big pimple on my chin.  It seems unfair that I must battle acne AND breast cancer.  Can't I catch a break?

15.  I need a haircut.  That is all.

16.  I lied.  I have more to say.  Can I sap out for a moment?  Thank you, kindly.  A huge thank you to any and all people who have been so very encouraging to me during this crazy time.  For you ladies (and my sweet Hubs) who let me blather on about all things BC (Breast Cancer, duh) and all the encompassing worry.  For not lecturing, for not saying inappropriate things**, for saying all the right things...you ladies are awesome.  I hope you know who you are.  I couldn't make it through this without you.

17.  I've also decided to do my best to answer any questions that anyone might have.  So, if you're sitting there, reading this post or past posts and are confused, or full of questions, please feel free to ask me anything.  If you want to remain anonymous, just ask under an anonymous name and I'll do my best to give you the info you need.  So, fire away.

18.  Hmm.  I'm tapped out after this one, I think.  It's been a weird week, so, cut me some slack on my lack of creativity.

Happy weekend!

**such as "I know this lady who died of cancer and if she'd eaten better she'd still be alive so watch what you eat".  Yes, this is inappropriate.  Well meaning, but still inappropriate.  For the record, this really happened.


SLGraffoo said...

your the schmoopie. And. Thats awful that someone said that which is in the fine print. That compares to the awful things people say when you get pregnant. It should be allowable to punch those people on the arm.

w said...

i was gonna write something about the glove and vibration. i can't remember what it was. it was so clever in chat. alas. just insert it here somewhere.

i hate that you have to deal with tubes again. it makes me cringe. also. shoving an apple into a condom also makes me cringe.


Beth Zimmerman said...

Girl ... I am beyond impressed that you are facing this with such humor and resolve! But I also hope you know that when the day comes that you need to wail, cry and lament ... we'll be here to listen, cry with you and offer hugs and tissues. And hit any ** over the head with a baseball bat and pray it knocks some sense into 'em!

angie128 said...

Have I told you I love you? Oh, I have? Humph.


Sara said...

You know that ** comment? That's exactly why I privately sent you the info about Dr. Axe. Nobody likes that person that says those things, even with the best intentions. I will also be very honest with you about this- my eating/ health habits are awful, and I have never self checked. *cringing in shame*
I googled how to this morning.

I hate that you're going through this, but you have already reached at least one person and taught them something. Me. I know that yours wasn't found that way but still. I'm so glad I stalk you.

The Retired One said...

Since I have been such a busy lady and not been good about reading blogs...I thank you for posting on FB and keeping us up with what has been going on. You have a ton of friends and we care so much about you..HUGS!!!

Andrea @ The Creative Junkie said...

Kearsie ... I think of you often. I am going through my own shit right now but nowhere near as HOLY SHIT as yours. And I bet it makes you feel gobs better when a reader tells you that your own ginormous problems make their own issues seem petty? Sigh. I'm sorry ... I'm just trying to say that I admire your strength in adversity and I wish I had half the chutzpah you're showing right now.

Julie {Another Chance Ranch} said...

I love your list!

I too, have had the inappropriate comments, and so far I have been nice about it. Not sure how long that will last though. lol

Yesterday I actually received an email from my ol' hippie Aunt reminding me that I can get marijuana legally now. LOL I literally laughed out loud!

My first question. Are you considering reconstruction? I only ask because you can start the process during the mastectomy.

From Tracie said...

So you don't want me to tell you that if you will just *sleep with a banana peel on your head for three hours each day, you will get all better?



I was SO going to hare that special advice with you today.

For real...you are amazing!

*real advice someone gave me when I had a chronic migraine that lasted for 2 and 1/2 years.

Aunt Vam said...

Just for the record, menopause rocks!!!! No more hormonal mood swings which means the zits disappear, (almost entirely). I just wish you didn't have to go through the other schtuff first. :(

I KNOW you will weather this storm, my dear lovely niece. You have wonderful friends and family, (me included) who are supporting you in spirit and prayer.

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

My husband I are still laughing about the MJ glove.... I think I need to see it... I'm a very visual girl you know.

I can't believe someone told you to eat better. If you need me to come down there and beat anyone up for you, I will. If they say more of that crazy inappropriate stuff, I'll smack em.

Love ya sweet thing!! Praying for you and your sweet family too!

Beth Zimmerman said...

Praying for you today, Kearsie!

Prairiemaid said...

Beth Z sent me your way....she's like that ~ bossy, and all..(but we love her anyway).

I am now following and I will be praying for you. Too bad I didn't see this post earlier...I've got friends. Could have gotten you passports quick....(not), but I know how you feel.

You will be in my prayers.

Blessings & hugs,

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

I just had a fun idea that concerns you.

I'll be back.

(That wasn't a threat. I promise.)


Carpenter's said...

Praying for you! I just had my double masectomy and my expanders put in. The expanders SUCK!! Do you agree or is just me?!

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