Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

I've got news. No, I'm not pregnant.

So. Some of you who know me on the facebooks already know the news I'm about to drop here on the innernets.

I got some news.

It's not really good news.

There was breast cancer in the tissue they removed from me last Thursday.

Well, I lied.  There is some good news.  And that's the fact that even though my mammogram didn't detect anything suspicious, all physical exams I've had showed nothing abnormal and all of my blood tests haven't flagged anything weird...I had this surgery and they found it.

Actually, that's great news.

Let me bring you up to speed.

See, I had some stitches removed yesterday.  It was just supposed to be a short visit, getting the stitches removed and then I could carry on with my day.

However, the doctor poked and prodded for about 2.4 seconds and then sat down and said, "I've got some good news and some bad news.  There was breast cancer in the tissue they removed."

And pretty much from there on, my mind was full of bees, buzzing away, my body doing that hot-flash-panic thing, my eyes round as saucers, staring at my husband as the phrase "I have cancer" settled into my mind.

It was a very very surreal moment.

My husband, being the gentleman he is, got up from his chair and came and stood by me, rubbing my back in little circles.  I love that man so much.

I could tell my doctor hated to tell me this.  I mean, I am young folks.  I'm only 35.  There is no history of breast cancer on my mother's side of the family which is what they look at.  My mammogram was clear.

And yet.

And yet.

This is the scary thing about breast cancer.  It is silent.  So very quiet.  Just steadily growing inside, plotting it's takeover.

Cancer is a bitch.

And yet.

And yet.

Here's the awesome part, folks.  For there really is a silver lining in this horrid situation.

See, if I had not had this surgery this year, and waited until next year...it would've been too late.  Because the mass they removed was full of invasive cells.  Meaning they would've done a hostile takeover and it would've been ugly.  If I had had surgery a year ago, they wouldn't've found it.

This, my friends, is kind of a miracle.  Do you understand that?  How perfect timing this is?

So.  Now what?  Well, my doctor was baffled by my predicament.  As he put it, finding cancer in me is as rare as finding teeth on a hen. So he is talking with other doctors and they will present my case this coming Tuesday at a Breast Cancer Conference.  He'll hook me up with an oncologist and a general surgeon and we'll go from there.

What does this mean?  Well, it means a lot of tests. It means possibly an MRI.  It means figuring out if my lymph nodes are affected.  It might even mean they have to take all of my breasts.

I'm not gonna lie- that part has me laughing.  I've lived most of my life with enormous bosoms and it would be JUST.LIKE.ME. to have to live the rest of my life with no bosoms.

But I'm not going to freak out.  Hopefully.

Instead, I'm going to focus on all the positives.  That, for whatever random reason (or divine reason) I had this surgery NOW.  That they found this EARLY.  That my life might be saved because of EARLY DETECTION.

It's scary.  I won't lie about that either.  It's scary because, I think as a society, we're trained to be scared of the words CANCER and DEATH.  Both are uncertain.  Almost entirely out of our hands.  Invisible.  Uncontrollable.

And yet.

And yet.

I believe in a Great Big God.  And I believe that He knows me.  I believe it when I read in the Bible that He knows the very number of hairs on my head.  That He knows when I'll sit down, and when I'll stand.  He's got my life mapped out already and I'm just following along according to His plan.  And He's on my side, folks.

Jesus loves me, this I know.

Some of you might not understand that.  You might not believe like me.  And that's ok.  Because, I believe in Him enough for you.  I think He loves you, too.  So there.

It sucked telling everyone.  It was hard.  Emotional.  I'm not a crier, and yet I cried buckets.  It was especially hard telling my kids.  My kids.  My poor kids, who looked so confused.  Asked hard questions like, "Momma, are you going to die?"

Yeah, I had to leave the room.

But life is so precious.  Each hug they give me is their gift.  They make me gobs of cards.  All with misspellings and hilarious snippets:  "Momma, I'm sad.  Daddy's sad.  Addie's sad but she's not crying."  They are precious to me.

My husband.  My partner.  I shall not take for granted how awesome he is.

My amazing, amazing friends.  All praying.  All supporting.  Offering to watch my kids.  My Bestie is flying down, just to be with me.

I am truly blessed.

So here is my life now.  This blog?  This blog is supposed to be a place for humor.  For the hilarity.  For the random.  I'm not sure how "cancer" fits into that and yet.

And yet.

This is what I will be living with now.  So.

I shall keep za blog updated.  I shall not give up.  I shall kick cancer in the ass.

Thank you for reading this insanely long and intense post, my kind friends.  Pray for me.  And trust in Him.  He's pretty powerful, y'all.


Shelley said...

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!! It really is a miracle that they found it. My aunt battled breast cancer and I can't help but think that if they caught it earlier, it could have saved her life. You can count yourself lucky, in that respect! I hope you do keep us updated. My prayers are with you!

robin said...

good post kearsie. good post. ;) we should listen to some old war like petra cd's. i shall raid jake's half of the closet. or his shop or whatever. actually.....probably the floor of his truck cause that is how the jakester rolls......

Kelliegirl said...

I love you!

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Love you. Praying for you.

From Tracie said...

Praying and trusting and believing right along with you!

You WILL kick cancer's ass!

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

I am the daughter of a breast cancer survivor. I've seen firsthand how this disease can be kicked in its great big scary ass - just like you're going to do.

Insanitykim said...

Tears to my eyes, then a smile. If only my lips swelled up when I cried, then I would be HOT!

Oh yeah, when you're done w/ this cancer it will have no ass to kick!

Love ya Stacy. ;)

angie128 said...

I don't know much, but here are a few things I know:

I love you.

God is good.

His timing is perfect.

You are awecome.

I love you.

Praying for you my sweet friend,

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us updated on your next step in this process.

Sending lots of love your way! Warmly, Lynn :)

Shell said...

God was watching out for you- to have you have the surgery when you did. Sending prayers. You will kick this thing's ass.

Candy said...

Kearsie you are an amazing woman I have no doubt that the plan God has for you (including cancer) is just as amazing. I will pray and I will be grateful for HIS perfect timing. HUGS (soft hugs) and tears love you so much !!!

Candy said...

Kearsie you are an amazing woman and so is Gods plan for you (including cancer) I will pray and I will be grateful.. I love you soo soft hugs ;)

Andrea @ The Creative Junkie said...

omg, kearsie ... I'm so sorry this is happening. Your outlook is so damn admirable. So.Damn.Admirable.

Thank God they found it early, thank God you've got a great support network. I'll be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

Your cousin said...

I was so jealous of your boobage reduc but right now I'm just happy for you.


w said...

i was gonna post the lyrics to "i will survive". but then i was like thinking that didn't really make sense in this case. lemme rewrite the lyrics and get back wit'chu. sap.

The Retired One said...

As I said on FB, Yes, yes you WILL kick cancer's ass...and it is a miracle that it was found right at the right time. You will fight this and you shall win....there are so many better and effective chemo's now and radiation too and with not near the side effects you saw before. Next year at this time you will be posting that your follow up MRI is CLEAR..you just wait and see.

Julie Rodgers said...

WOW. Kearsie you are STRONG and COURAGEOUS and LOVELY and I believe with all my heart that you really will kick cancer's ass. And that Jesus loves you. :) I am praying for you my friend!

Teddy Started It said...

Wow! It's been what, almost a year since I dropped out of the blogging scene and I chose today to check back in with you & your world. Weird. Not as weird as finding cancer when you weren't looking for it, of course. Your weird beats my weird hands down. Humor's a great healer, and lucky for you, your God gave you an extra helping of that. So keep those spirits up and go kick some cancer @$$! You've got lots of folks pulling for you -- and there's nothing weird about that!

Miss Fit said...

God's timing is perfect and blows my mind. Continuing to pray for you, Lance and your sweet girls, my friend. *Virtual hugs* from the Connella's.

Teisha said...

I sit here staring at my computer screen, not knowing what to say except that I've got a nasty case of goosebumps and tears and try explaining *that* to my co-workers. I know that I don't know you "IRL" but I am fighting for you!

Carrie said...

You are in my prayers girl! Know that you are loved, not only by Jesus, but by all your friends, family, and blog readers!

God is bigger than the boogie man and He is bigger than cancer too.

Julie {Another Chance Ranch} said...

Hey there. You don't know me from Adam, but we have a mutual friend named Beth. She told me about what is going on in your life, because it is going on in mine as well. I am a few years older than you (40) but a month ago had a mastectomy of the left oobiebay, get my port on Monday, and am will start chemo next Thursday. I have been blogging about my life on this crazy roller coaster ride, so feel free to read about my experience and if I can help answer any questions for you, give you any tips that I figure out before you get to each step then I will be happy to share.

email me if you have questions, comments, or just want to get something off of your chest. (No pun intended! I just re-read that.) Believe me, I will understand.

anotherchanceranch at gmail dot com

Adding you to my prayer list!

Now, I'm off to read the rest of your story.


colleen said...

Very moist eyes here. I followed this over from Pay It Forward from Beth's link. I love that you love God enough even for those that don't and that you know he loves them! That's awesome. Very happy you are seeing the timing as good, and you have awesome hope and you are treasuring every hug and misspelled card!

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