Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

*Shakes dust off my blog*

Let us see.  What all has happened since we last chatted?  Let me make a list.

1.  I finished my breast reconstruction.  Yay!  No more visits to the plastic surgeon!  I'm all done!  Also, they told me I'd be all best buddies with them by the end of this process and you know what?  They were right.

2.  What was the final step, you ask?  Tattoos.  Strategically placed tattoos.  Also, I trolled the googles for an image of nipples on a Barbie.  I had to bleach my eyes.  I might never recover.  You'll just have to imagine it, kind reader.  Also, I begged her for stars.  Nay.  Just regular circles.

3.  In preparations for these certain tattoos, I decided on a huge life changing decision.  And that was...to get a real tattoo first.

4.  Therefore, it was on Sunday I went to my local tattoo parlor (that was highly recommended) and was inked by a young artist.  And it is thus:

5.  It's little pieces of dandelion fluff, in case you're looking at saying "Huh?"

6.  No, it did not hurt.

7.  So, that was on Sunday.  Then Monday I got my other two tattoos.  I feel pretty bada$$.  But not bada$$ enough to type bada$$ without the $$.

8.  My hair?  Today I look like Richard Simmons.  Like this:

9.  Not even kidding.  I might have to start looking for some Afrosheen.  And a pick.

10.  I am now home with my kiddos for the summer.   Guess what?  I don't do much here except read and wash the occasional underwears.  I accept my laziness and embrace it.  *yawn*

11.  Also, it's good to make children work, no?  Also, please tell me I didn't complain as much as they do when I was their age.

12.  I am purging my home.  And when I am done, I shall burn give away or sell the pile.  Also, I think arson is a perfectly acceptable choice.

13.  Also, I am going to place some of my large furniture items on Craigslist.  Here's hoping no pervy or weird people respond.  I already get enough Viagra spam in my inbox as it is.

14.  I gave up on my Pinterest challenge.  Perhaps I should shake the dust off my boards and find more things to accomplish over this long and lazy summer.

15.  My children have taken ink pens to their body and drawn themselves tattoos.  Also, they are planning on what to get the second they turn 18.  What have I done?

16.  I am reaaaaally considering sewing like mad this summer and selling my wares.  I mean. there's already nine hundred million people selling felty foods on Etsy, so why not join the party?  Also, I do custom orders, should browsing turn to buying.

17.  I think I need to watch Notting Hill again.

18.  I wonder how many episodes of Disney channel series will my children force me to watch/listen to this summer.

19.  Is it too late to learn how to drink?

20.  Just kidding.  Sort of.

Happy...what day is today?

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