Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Keyboard Confessions: the homeschool edition

So, it's Friday, which is the day I normally earmark for random nonsense in a list format.  Sometimes I actually confess things, sometimes I just don't have the energy.  Today might be one of those days where I just blather on about Diet Coke.  We'll see how it goes.

Since I'm homeschooling my two (insert noun indicating person, place or thing) now, I'm going to shake up my KC's a bit and do an alphabetical list (alphabetical list would be a common noun, common as it is not capitalized).  This is what we studied today.  You're welcome for the review.

A - A stands for ABUSE, as in, my children are not allowed to use my Febreze anymore, because they ABUSE IT when they do.  As in, they sprayed my blinds.  I found them dripping wet.  Febreze.  It's not cheap, people.

B - B stands for BOOKS.  As in, my escape from reality.  Which is why I have four on my nightstand right now.  Four.  And am heading to the library for one more which is waiting on me and they will so charge me a dollar if I don't go pick it up before tomorrow.  I know, steep fines, people.  Also, this is the secret life of a rock star.

C - C stands for CONE.  As in, a CONE from Baskin Robbins, which is right next door to us.  Right next door, I say, people.  I'm sure if you cut me, I will bleed Chocolate and Peanut Butter ice cream.  And I'll probably lick wherever you cut me.

D - D stands for DIET COKE.  Which I never buy anymore for the house which means I daily crave that wicked concoction.  Like right now.

E - E stands for ELEVENTY HUNDRED.  As in, I've asked my kids to wash their hands after pottying ELEVENTY HUNDRED times.  They always forget.  It's just gross, people.

F - F stands for FOR DANG REAL.  As in, when I told my mom my kids never remember to wash their hands after pottying she said "that's gross".  And I was like, FOR DANG REAL.

G - G stands for GOOD THINGS THE QUEEN WOULD NEVER SAY, which I think about eleventy hundred times a day and never remember to write down.  I should be making millions with what's in my mind, people.  Some of you are like, huh?  Come back on a Monday, confusified reader.  Or, read my archives.

H - H stands for HIGH ALTITUDE, which is what keeps me from baking crazy awesome bread in my bread machine.  Because we're precisely 9 million miles above sea level which means you have to perform crazy hard Pythagorean Theorem changes to your basic bread machine recipes.  Thus far, I can only make pizza dough in mine.

I - I stands for I NEED A PEDICURE.  Which I'm never going to get.

J - J stands for JELLY BEANS, which we totally got a ginormous bag of one day and ate them all.  Oh yes we did.  Also, I let my Hubs pick out the flavors and that was a mistake.

K - K stands for KNEE IS KILLING ME TODAY.  From sleeping.  I'm officially old.  I get injuries from sleeping.

L - L stands for LUNCH, WHICH I HAVE TO MAKE IN A MINUTE.  These kids, I'm telling you, they do nothing but eat.  It's like they're growing all the time or something.  *eye roll*  Also, this was said tongue in cheek, people.  Don't call DHR on me.  

M - M stands for MY POOR EDWARD DOLL IS SO NEGLECTED.  Seriously, I have no mojo for writing Edward Adventures anymore.  He just lays on my dresser all dressed up in his scarf and no where to go but the library or Walmarts.

N - N stands for NO I'M NOT A HERMIT.  Also, this might be false.

O - O stands for OLD NAVY.  Because we just shopped there and it seemed better to write that than OLIVES, WHAT I NEVER REMEMBER TO BUY AT THE STORE.

P - P stands for PILLOW PET, which is the only thing my daughter asked for her birthday.  The only thing.  Also, I just don't get the whole PILLOW PET draw, people.

Q - Q stands for QUIET, which I never ever get.  Ever, people.  Because I'm never alone now.  Ever, people.  Even on the potty, there's always some dire emergency involving child to child violence or calling poo-poo head.  A closed door means nothing in my house.

R - R stands for READING IS APPARENTLY PUNISHMENT FOR MY KIDS.  Seriously, it's like a game of Let's Make A Deal with my kids getting them to read.

S - S stands for SPACIOUS, which is the opposite of what my kitchen is.

T - T stands for TURRIBLE, JUST TURRIBLE, which is one of my favorite expressions ever and makes me laugh.  Thank you, Mr. Barkley.

U - U stands for UNDERWEAR, which I bought a bunch of recently and am enjoying the "new underwear" phase I've been living in.  If you don't get it...well, I can't help you.

V - V stands for VERY DRY, which is the state of my skin these days.  Probably because I spend most days feeling VERY THIRSTY.

W - W stands for WHEN AM I GOING TO GET A COPY OF MOCKINGJAY?  Some of you, again, are all, huh?  Seriously, people, we clearly don't spend enough time together.

X - X stands for XEROX, because, I can't think what else it should be for.

Y - Y stands for THE YOUTUBES, which I've spent countless hours researching music and videos and tutorials and learning to make high altitude bread machine pizza dough.  I love you, youtubes.  *kissy kissy*

Z - Z stands for um....ZA BLOG, ON WHICH I WRITE SPORADICALLY.  Yes.  Yes it does.

So there you have it, peoples.  Now, I must slap some lunch together, fold some laundry and then make pluck my brows.  Because I live the exciting life.

Happy happy weekendy enjoyment, people.


Your Cousin said...

Comics. It's reading!

Some of it is really cute. I've had best luck in the manga section when it comes to non x-rated stuff with female protagonists. Er. And bad luck too.

Teisha said...

F - For Dang Real. Love it!

Shelley said...

I always enjoy your random lists!!

Shauna said...

I want to come job shadow you. And I'll literally be behind you at all times. 4 inches away. Because 3 is just too close.

leigh said...

I love your life!

Creative Junkie said...

This may very well be my favorite list of yours *ever* - you are a fantastic writer. You know that, right?


god bless you

if i homeschooled (verb) i would kill myself (verb)

robin said...

my kids are DYING for pillow pets. ya know what i say??? DREAM ON!!!......bahaahahaahahaha!

Dee Crowe said...

This is loverly...and...I will say that for the eleventhmillionth time I suspect...

Cha Cha said...

Snort! This list made me giggle. I totally understand that new underwear phase ... it's the honeymoon phase! I have been thinking that I must have gained a ton of weight b/c my drawers are all not fitting right ... and then I found a stashed pair of new underwear and realized that no! The old underwear have literally just shrunk. So, I'm totally jealous of your underwear honeymoon phase. Enjoy it!

ElegantSnobbery said...

Oh I missed this one when I was out of town, huh?

Can I just say something? Gold Medal ice cream is the best ice cream.

Becca said...

I miss you. lots.
but I'm glad I can get a dose of your sarcastic witty charm through your spectacular sounds like tomatoes blog.

can I skype you into small group? mmm ok whatever I get it your busy. :-) hope life in CO is awesome. Though, I'm not gonna lie, I pity your problems with the high altitude stuff. shucks.

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