Every week I sit down and confess some things. Mostly this is just an excuse to write a list.
1. My Hubs is home. I am soooo glad.
2. But wait, you're saying, I didn't even know he was gone! I know, confusified reader. It's because I kept that little snippet of info to myself.
3. Hello, I had just moved to a random town in a new state precisely 900 bajillion miles away from Alabama, live in this crowded complex and was going to be home alone with my two kids. I totally wasn't going to alert the possible killer neighbor that I was spouseless for 10 whole days, was I?
4. Of course, now the possible killer neighbor can just come and kill us whilst my Hubs is home. I hadn't thought of that...
5. Well, don't worry, worried reader. I tried to bake some zucchini bread to share with my immediate neighbors, you know, to make them like me and not kill me and hate my kids because they jump instead of walk and stuff, only we live a whole mile above sea level and so therefore my zucchini bread was zucchini bricks. So, I can always toss a brick at any creepified neighbor.
6. Seriously, I had to shave the outer layer of the loaf to even find something soft enough to nibble. Also, because both loaves were not giveable, I had to nibble both loaves.
7. I bought some shorts. I know, I'm shocked at my crazy behavior too.
8. Except, guess what? The zipper was broken in one of the pairs only I didn't know it until AFTER I came home from an afternoon spent at Chick-fil-A. I know. It's a good thing I was wearing bright colored panties so the whole restaurant could see them whilst I was asking for a refill of Diet Coke.
9. Humility. Thank you, God, for reminding me to heed my mother's advice and wear clean underwear.
10. Hubs is home. This means that I have three people to clean up after now instead of two. It's a good thing he's so cute and I'm so glad he's home.
11. No one is digging my Ode. Except for a few sweet friends, including my awesome friend Marisa, who wrote this awesome short story. She's way going to be famousy one day, folks. You just wait.
12. I've been to our library now three times in one week. It's like I don't have a life or something.
13. Also, it's possible I was a wee bit over zealous with my newly acquired library card. There are seven books on my bedside table. Seven. It's like I don't have a life or something.
14. De ja vu. It's like I've said that before or something.
15. I don't know how to do that cute little mark above the de ja vu.
16. There's an IKEA six hours from me. I way need to make a road trip.
17. Anyone speak Swedish?
18. Also, I hear they pass out meatballs. This is good. Now I can just spend my food money on more furniture.
19. Also, how do you say "Oh man, you got any Febreze?" in Swedish?
20. Time to go eat a burger. My life is practically a novel in it's utter coolness.
Peace out, yo.
About That Mom Who Isn’t There
4 days ago