Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Keyboard Confessions: The Echoey Edition

Every week I sit down and confess some things.  Mostly this is just an excuse to write a list.

1.  So we've loaded up most of our worldly goods into a horse trailer.  My inlaws shall drive said trailer across approximately 47 states to our destination of the great state of the Coloradoes.  I'm fairly certain this means they win My Inlaws Pwn Award.

2.  Dust bunnies:  what apparently has been mating underneath any and all furniture.

3.  I read somewhere that if you ripped up your carpet, swept all the dust into a pile outside your house that the government would call that a toxic waste site.  Guess what?  I'm breathing it right now.  Maybe I should try to get on disability.

4.  Guess what?  When you play approximately 72 episodes of Inspector Gadget for your kids, you begin to lose your mind.  Could he be any dumber?

5.  I found a ton of outdated food in my cupboard.  Mostly it was random things like tuna, but still.  I feel guilty for wasting.  Also, I wonder what happens to old food once it ends up in a landfill?  Sadly, I will think on this subject for years.  I know.  Perhaps it's time to pursue medicinal therapy.

6.  I also found approximately 58 Barbies.  All of them were plasticky nekkid.  It was a bit of a freak show.  Also, their hair?  Ugh.  Seriously, why bother, Mattel?  Wait, is Mattel who puts out Barbies?  I'm so tired, I can't bring myself to Google it.

7.  Confession:  I always spell it Goggle first.

8.  Confession:  when I hear the word Google, I think of that one line in Twilight where Edward snarkily tells Bella she can Google it.

9.  Eclipse.  I went.  I saw.  I ate Twizzlers.  I thought it a great movie.  However, I was so distracted by Bella's wig I almost couldn't bear it.  Seriously.  So.distracted.

10.  If I were Stephenie Meyer, I'd be all, "I am so bigger than M. Night Shamalan and Stephen King.  I'm totes going to make a cameo in each movie.  Get over it, homey."  Also, apparently I think Stephenie Meyer talks like a thug.  It could happen.

11.  It shall be a strange weekend.  All of our stuff will be loaded up and we won't have a thing to do.  If you hear strange maniacal laughing from my corner of the universe, it's because I lost my mind.  Or, I tickled my children to death.  Or, I was watching a Literal Version video.

12.  You don't know what a Literal Version video is?  Seriously, we just might have to break up.  Dude, head to the youtubes RIGHT.NOW. Search for Literal Version videos.  Choose one.  I prefer the Creed one. Pee pee nah nah blah.  Yes I'm making you look it up, haven't I just explained I'm too tired to link junk up?

13.  Also, I feel old school.  Before life handed links out left and right.  Like, 1989 Old School.

14.  I love my Snuggie.  Also, guess what?  I have to fight my kids for it.  Apparently, they love my Snuggie too.  Also, you know what else loves it?  Hair.  It came out of the box bright pink.  Today, after all three of us ladyfolk have passed it around, it's got a brown tinge.  From hair, people.  Also, maybe my hair loss isn't normal.  Is this a clue that I'll be Rogaining it in the near future?

15.  Confession:  I'm pretty sure that me and my Bestie ruined watching Twilight because when Carlisle says to Bella "Enimel etteck", I die.  Hahaahahahahaahah, oh man he slays me with that.  You don't get it?  Well, you're missing out, my friend.  Also, my Bestie gets it.  Don't you, Bestie?  *high five*

16. Omg, it's happening.  I'm losing my mind.

17.  I was going to breathe all deeply and zenlike except my nose is all stuffed up.

18.  My spice rack is so giant it won't fit in any of my boxes.  So annoying.  Idk why I told you that except every now and then it's nice to feed you snippets of Kearsie Trivia.  Now you know, Kearsie has a giant rack. A spice rack, homey.

19.  Today, whilst lolling on my dusty carpet, I balanced a football on one end.  Because of this, I'm fairly certain I can do anything.  Or, that the pile in our carpet is deeper than I thought.  Either one is good.

20.  The next time you hear from me, I'll have crossed into the mountainy area of Coloradoes, and will probably be sitting on a camping chair with my Snuggie.

Happy Friday.


w said...

hhaahahahah! oh man. i'm drunk on no sleep. but still. this post was hilarious.

adrenaline rush. google it. hahahaahaha! man. i'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight from laughing. at myself.

Sandi Howard said...

I hope your insanity causes you to check the facebooks once more, so you can know that I love you and that I am thinking of you and the fam and praying for a very safe, almost-boring trek to your new, totally-not-boring at all, home.

The Retired One said...

I am SOOOO excited for you....can't wait to hear about your trip and your new place. Your inlaws ROCK for helping you move too..high five 'em for me when you see them. (They will be the ones with white knuckles (from gripping the steering wheel) and big rings under their eyes (from staring while driving and missing their usual 9 o'clock bedtime) for you).
Glad you lost your mind, this was one of your funniest randoms. And, take care of that BIG RACK, will ya?

ElegantSnobbery said...

WOOOOO! Can't wait till you're all happily settled in CO! Have a safe trip!

ElegantSnobbery said...

Also, I'm sure your hair loss is normal(ish). I lose gobs of the stuff in the shower and apparently its normal. But I like it because the less hair I have the less chance for my frizzy pouf to rear its ugly head.

Tracie said...

I haven't seen Eclipse yet. I'm waiting on a babysitter to fall from the sky and/or all the screaming Twihards to vacate the theater first.

Good luck on your trip!

Creative Junkie said...

I wish you huge luck with your move! Did you pack Xanax? Like, lots of it? It really should need its own box and sit up front with you.

Anonymous said...

Have a safe trip!!!!!!

Dee Crowe said...

I enjoyed this...and now, even though I've resisted I might havve to watch the twilight movies...don't know why...but it might be your subliminal suggestions...perhaps..I don't know...my right eye is twitching..

Have a safe trip...I can't wait to see an entry about it!

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Happy road tripping and Happy 4th!

Shelley said...

I think you just might be losing your mind, like you said! I could barely follow these confessions, haha!!

MiMi said...

I'm with Shelley!!
I hope you have a good move and get settled in and relaxed as soon as possible with as few wrinkles as possible!

Angie Bailey said...

Ran across your blog and love your humor. I look forward to following it. I am a list freak too :)

I'd love for you to check out my blog and maybe we can exchange links on our blogrolls?



Insanitykim said...

Ok I confess all I can remember right now is WHAT? Bella wore a WIG? I cannot wait to make fun of the movie!


ModernMom said...

Wowie you have a lot going on. I can't imagine how much dust is in my house. MMM not going to think about it anymore!
Best of luck with your move! Be safe:)

Much More Than Mommy said...

I have been praying for you as you are driving across the entire country, getting further and further away from me. *sob*

I am also laughing my stinking tail off at "Kearsie has a giant rack." HAHAHAHAHAHA!

And my Snuggie = dog's favorite seat.

Alicia said...

I am so loving that you are so loving your Snuggie!!!! I feel semi-famous or something kinda like it now. Love and miss ya lots!!! Be safe and explore.

robin said...

of course i get it! that line makes the movie! we need to write to peter fac...whatever about it. did stephenie meyer make an appearance in either new moon or eclipse? did i miss her?

Shelley said...

I left you an award on my blog!

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