Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Keyboard Confessions - the packing edition

Every week I sit down and confess some things.  Mostly this is just an excuse to write a list.

1.  Dude.  I almost forgot to post my Keyboard Confessions.  My KCs, if you will.  I know.  I'm shocked, too.  It's this packing.  It's incessant.  It's mind sucking.  It mind sucks.  It just plain sucks.

2.  Guess what?  I'm fairly certain you could design a room with what I've donated to the Goodwill.  I mean, it wouldn't be a room you'd see on HGTV, but you know, it'd be aiight.  For a bag lady or someone.

3.  Why am I giving so much up, you ask?  Well, inquisitive reader, it's because SOMEONE has this crazy HAIRBRAINED idea to only go to our new apartment with the contents of our car trunk.  And then wait a month for the inlaws to visit, bringing what will fit in their truck.  And then ship the rest.  One day.  Many moons from now.

4.  Let me just say, that SOMEONE isn't me.  I'll bet you'll never guess who SOMEONE is.  Also, I hope SOMEONE doesn't read my blog anymore.  Or else, SOMEONE will be giving me the evil eye at dinner tonight.  I still love you, SOMEONE.

5.  You know what I don't love?  Packing.

6.  I'm fairly certain I can bring my knitting with me if I shove it under my car seat.  Surely all those french fries won't bother my yarn and needles.

7.  Why are we so crazy?  It's because we're out for ADVENTURE.  And maybe ALCOHOL.  Or SHARP OBJECTS TO INSERT IN EYEBALLS.  *cackle maniacally*

8.  Note to self:  the next time you pack the whole house, leave the kids' toys for last, instead of first.  Because guess what?  They don't want to play with serving spoons and twist ties.

9.  My BP meds are working.  Just so you know.  Also, it's about the only positive thing I have to report.

10.  I think me and the Goodwill lady are on BFF basis.  I expect her to hug me the next time I show up with another carload.  This is a big improvement from that one horrible Goodwill experience.  Magic happens at thrift stores, people.

11.  I just had to sift through about 900 billion posts to locate the above linked post.  What I do for you people.

12.  Whilst at the doctor's office today, as I was checking out, I took a sniff and remarked to the clerk that her lotion smelled nice.  She kind of cocked her head to the side in confusion but politely said thanks.  I left, got in my car, and realized what I was smelling was my deodorant.

13.  At least it smells nice.

14.  Swimsuit shopping = how to burn 150 calories and sweat a gallon.  Also, it's like sausage casing.

15.  Also, I might've compared swimsuit shopping to my mother as shoving an apple into a condom.  She's my mom, I'm allowed to say the word condom.

16. ...oh man, I need to wash my hands and eyes.  Be right back.

17.  Last night, in the dark, I was washing my hands after a middle of the night potty.  In the dark, I got confused with which soap bottle I needed.  My hands will not get any acne, thankfully.

18.  Recently, someone told me they hoped they were as cool as me when they grew up.  I felt very cool.  And then very old.  Now today I just feel kind of diarrhealike.

19.  Speaking of diarrhealike, my iPrecious has memorized the word "diarrheas" which apparently I type all the time.  I laughed so hard I snorted when I discovered this.

20.  Time to pack the kitchen.  Here's hoping there's room in my luggage for silverware and a cheese grater.

Happy Afternoon.


The Retired One said...

I don't know how you managed it, but you made me giggle whilst packing your stuff.....
I really laughed about smelling yourself and complimenting someone else about their lotion...!! At least you made her feel good that she has "natural" good smells...hahaaaa

ElegantSnobbery said...

When you are packing, you need to be brain-storming plot and character. In fact, you should pull out a tape recorder and you can tape yourself brainstorming out loud, then you can type it up in August, when you are done with the whole move thing.

Although, when I tried that, I ended up taping over my voice again and again, b/c I hate my voice... but maybe you like your voice better than I like mine.

ElegantSnobbery said...

Also, twice when I've moved, I've packed my kids toys first. Turns out, some people never learn. And by 'some people,' I mean some dumb people. And by 'some dumb people,' I mean me.

Shauna said...

so are you really sure you're not moving to Oregon, because I kinda think you should. just sayin'

Beth Zimmerman said...

We did one of those *only what fits in the car* moves once about 29 years ago. Left the kids with their grandparents. Took the cat with us! Lived without furniture or kids for a couple of months. BUT we did have the cat! I don't remember for sure but I'm pretty positive that none of that was my idea. Well ... except for bringing the cat!

Shell said...

An apple into a condom? LMAO

Good luck with packing!

Dee Crowe said...

I thoroughly enjoyed #7...oh, and the gal who you thought had on nice smelling lotion..,wsn't sure where that was going, just glad she didn't tell you it was her vaginal spray..

Okay now I gotta go wash out my eyeballs...seriously...and get my head examined for even thinking such a thing...

Creative Junkie said...

This has to be my favorite one of all your lists - had me laughing from start to finish!

BTW - I still feel weird saying "condom" in front of my mother. As far as she's concerned, my kids were brought here by FedX.

Much More Than Mommy said...


Double Wide Mom said...

I laughed out loud at apple in a condom too. You may have just discovered a new form of birth control!

MiMi said...

Girl, you crack me up!
I'll never look at another apple without imagining that...

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Oh I so needed this one... such a good laugh!!!!

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