Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Someone tossed a glove in my direction, or, I am a lost and found magnet

So, I was all set to take part in the fun blog carnival Top Three Thursday.  I had even taken photos in preparation for today's festivities. 

Until...

*cue the DUH DUH DUUUUMM*

I saw something in my purse. 

I haven't a clue how it got there.

I'm sure I didn't place it in there.

I'm sure we don't even own this.  Or the other thing that goes with it.

Forgive me, I'm speaking cryptically.  It's because my mind is broken.  Let me show you.

See, I have this big purse, right?  And, it accumulates a lot of stuff.  Just normal rock star lady blogger stuff.  Normal.  Harmless.  I'll show you.


See?  Normalish stuff.

*A couple of pens
*a pack of Kleenex
*a thumbdrive containing one lone chapter of a book
*some allergy pills
*my blood pressure meds (waaahhhhh)
*my check book
*a deposit slip
*my wallet
*two bottles of hand sanitizer
*two bottles of lotion
*Blistex
*two Dum Dums to shut my kids up give to my sweet children
*some Advil
*sunglasses
*the case to my Sarah Palin glasses
*a gum wrapper
*two packs of gum
*my camera cord
*a power cord for the car for my iPhone (not pictured)
*a stand for my iPhone
*a black glove
*a tennis ball

I know what you're thinking.  Because I'm 78% psychic.  You're thinking, "Whoa. Back up.  TWO packs of gum??"  Look, I appreciate the power of good breath, ok?  Also, that tennis ball is for me to sit on.  For the pain in my butt.  Sciatica.  From having babies.  It works.  Yes, it's weird.

Also, you're missing the most important part. 

THIS

WHERE THE CRAP DID THAT COME FROM?

I DIDN'T PUT IT THERE!!

I DON'T EVEN OWN A BLACK GLOVE! MY GLOVES ARE BROWN! AND WAY CUTER THAN THIS ONE!

I must find the culprit.  I must find the culprit and pinch his underarm.  Because now I am suspicious.  And might need to bury this glove.  Also, this is just what OJ felt like. 

13 comments:

Red said...

So THAT's where it went!!!

Dee Crowe said...

if it doesn't fit you must aquit...

Dude...that is freaky...is it, child sized??? I found a package of skittles in my purse one time after the daughter went rummaging in there, got bored and forgot to take her skittles out...hehehhee

angie128 said...

If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.

Sara said...

I think you only have to be concerned if there's a random guy with a longish bad haircut living in your guest house. Dude, if you have a guest house, I'm going to live there. Cause THAT'S not stalker-y....

MiMi said...

I was SO gonna tell you that OJ planted it. Now we know where he planted the glove! If you find a knife there somewhere, we'll finally know the truth.

Loving Wife, Working Mom said...

When he was about 3, my mom took my younger brother to a birthday party. At the time of departure, she put her hand in her purse to get her car keys... to find cake and ice cream in there... no plate or plastic wrap. My brother wanted to save the cake and ice cream for later. Did I mention that we lived in Puerto Rico? That it was summertime? That cake and ice cream had been given out 2 hours prior to leaving?


Talk about finding something that doesn't belong to you in your purse. She never carried a purse to children events, EVER again.

w said...

you sit on the tennis ball. for sciatica. i guess that's better than you using it for kegel exercises.

same goes for the glove.

The Retired One said...

You remember that one black out you had, right? Well, of course not, it was a black out. Gheesh.
Anyway, you should be more concerned as to where your missing underwear are, Missy!

robin said...

i smell your children.....the question is...where did they get it????

The Only Girl said...

First off - yes, that's very weird. You must report back on your investigative findings.

But secondly, what's with the "two" of everything? Do you have a thing for doubles? The need to always carry a spare? A deep seat need to surround yourself with extra stuff? The start of a hoarding issue? What gives?

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

I think you should still add this post to Top 3 Thursday, because there are at LEAST three things in that purse you need to trash-- including OJ Simpson's glove (if the glove don't fit, you must acquit).

~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom

Much More Than Mommy said...

I am missing an unattractive black glove.

amy said...

Last night I found a lone black glove while tucking my son into bed. Weird. It did not match your glove. And, I just assume my children dug it out of some closet or found it in the street.
Also, I am intrigued by your tennis ball. I have sciatica, too, but I just complain about it. I've never tried sitting on a tennis ball.

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