Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Keyboard Confessions - the exhausted edition

Every week I sit down and confess some things. Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list.

1. Today I go to the doctor. This is about as much fun as getting my taxes done. Which, guess what? I get to do that on Saturday. All I need now is for all my teeth to fall out or my cars to explode and my weekend shall be complete.

2. Also, when I made my doctor's appointment, I didn't realize it would be at the end of a go-on-vacation-eat-fried-and-tasty-foods-galore vacation. Can we say "Hello, Fatty McFattington, you're blood pressure sucks?"

3. But that's ok. You know why? Because today is also Transient Pod's Get Your Freak On Friday!!! Woot woot!!

get your freak on friday

4. So what song has my toes tapping? Ooh! I got it. I'm choosing this song because this is the song that came up the most on my iPod whilst driving to and fro on the highways of North Carolina and Tennessee. You ready? Of course you are, what am I even saying? Prepare to get up and dance! Or...tap your toes!

5. Summertime by Will Smith.

6. I think this came on three? four times? Idk, but guess what? I sang along each.and.every.time. Because, word, if I have to drive, we gonna do it wif my iPod on.

7. Also, guess what? My Hubs doesn't really care for that song. I know, his loss, right?

8. Guess what else? I found out that these super nice and godly ladies from my old domain in North Carolina read my bloggage. So, a special SHOUT OUT to Cynthia and Marie!! Also, I hope all my talk of boogers doesn't gross you out.

9. I talk a whole lot about spinners with Mrs. TP. If only my skin tone was a bit darker so it would be acceptable to have some spinners on my Oldsmobile. Also, I suspect they would cost more than my whole car is worth.

10. Except for all my Dope Mixes of Beats. Because they are invaluable.

11. I just slammed some scrabbled eggs. Guess what? You should never slam eggs. Because then you get the burps.

12. Also, in real life it's been like, idk, 13 minutes since I slammed my eggs and I just realized my napkin is still on my lap. I bet ya'll didn't know I was so ladylike and conscientious. *burp*

13. So, it was suggested to me that I should bundle up all my KC's (Keyboard Confessions, you know) and make them into a book. Will that be a seller? 87 pages talking of boogers, burping and that one time I ate like 117 grams of fiber? I'm just not sure.

14. Also, here is a True Confession. You ready? It has nothing to do with boogers. Here goes. Just once in my life, I want someone to tell me that I'm Dave Barry meets Erma Bombeck. There. There it is. My big secret. It's out. Just sitting there. Getting breathed on by the winds of the innernets. Now it's getting hard and crusty. Like other things that start with B and end in OOGERS. DANG!

15. Maybe it's Turret's. Also I'll bet Erma never even said the word BOOGERS. Alas.

16. I dusted off my elliptical last night. And by golly, I burned off the calories from that stupid no-bake cookie I ate mindlessly that I later discovered was, get this: 121 calories!! WHAT WAS I THINKING??

17. But that's ok, because I only stroked out after like, 12 minutes of ellipticaling.

18. Remember last week? And my rock star fingernails? Well guess what? Now they're flaking off.

19. I must remember to use a magnifying glass on KISS's album cover to see if their nails are flaking.

20. Because, obviously, KISS is the style I'm going for.

Happy Friday, my friends.

Also! Don't forget my giveaway for DapperPaper Thank You cards!! And Wendiwinn's giveaway for a shiny knife and cutting board!!


Much More Than Mommy said...

I would read a Keyboard Confessions book. I would actually even BUY it, not just wait until it's in the library and check it out and renew it over and over and over again.

Dee Crowe said...

Will Smith! Love the will Smith...and now, I'm going to go listen to gettin jiggy with it..ah nah nah nah nah...purrrrrr

MiMi said...

You are Dave Barry meets Erma Bombeck.
How's that?

The Retired One said...

idk, I see your new abbreviation is like idk. Idk, what do you think?


Sara said...

I think you're like Dave Barry meets Erma Bombeck with a little Jim Gaffigan mixed in. Because you make me laugh THAT much.

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

My hubby and I HAVE to listen to that song every single first day of Sunshine when we roll our windows down.

Two miles an hour, so everybody sees us.

In a car we spent all day waxing.

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

I burp a lot when I gobble up vegetables, which is precisely why I don't eat them. Your confessions always make me feel happy. I you are happy after you do your taxes; two words for you: huge refund.


first i love that song - it epitomizes summer

second you should put 14 on your dream board or wish board or secret board or whatever those whack jobs are doing

maybe it works

Connella's said...

I would buy your books, like the chic in "confessions of a shopaholic" bought her friends pic frames and yell at anyone who would try to open "that" door for fear of my secret being revealed. I hope you read that. Other wise this comment makes no sense at all.

Stacey said...

I love your keyboard confessions! They make me giggle! I love #1. So true. And Summertime ROCKS! My kids don't listen to itsy bitsy spider, but they know all the words to anything Matchbox 20. I'm cool like that! Thanks for the laugh!

w said...

elliptical machines are the devil. also. i almost fell asleep watching this video.

Aphrodite's Mortal Friend (ME) said...

Yea ... why is it that eggs give you burps? I know why asparagus makes your pee smell (really, stop by my place today and you will know why too) Later!

Shell said...

Love your randomness!

I need to get back into working out. B/c once I see how freaking long it takes to burn something off, I'm less likely to eat it.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Summertime? Kickin it with the old school jamz, huh?

Double Wide Mom said...

I miss Erma! Just finished a big giant book of hers that was actually like four of her books between two cover. I hope the eggs didn't give you gas too bad.

Bossy Betty said...

I'll buy your book!

Too Many Hats said...

You are Dave Barry meets Erma Bombeck - there I said it - I know, the check is in the mail ;)

tristan said...

uh. i would totally buy your book. and i like your song. blast from the past. i love that flat top he's sporting. going for KISS style is respectable. i'm not here to judge. i miss you. where did you disappear to? i disappeared too. to the never ending homework abyss.

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