Every week I sit down and confess some things. Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list.
1. I shall never ever ever drink a Diet Coke late at night again. This is what I thought at 2:30 a.m.
2. You know what else I shall never ever ever do? Eat a brownie at 2:37 a.m. I'm pretty sure my stomach was like "whoa whoa whoaaah, don't do it, young person! We do not accept anything after hours. You'll just have to come back when we're open for business." To which I responded "hey hey heyyyy, who's the boss of this body? Me *points to self* TAKE THE BROWNIE." To which my body replied with a shrug, "whatever, dude, it's your digestive track."
3. I changed my mind, my stomach is the boss after hours. Ugggggh.
4. Also, I highly recommend reading through old archives of blogs if you're up at 3:00 a.m. Especially my blog. Because at 3 a.m. I am hee-lar-ee-ous. Now, at like 9:19 a.m. I'm just meh. Also, The Queen soooo needs to find me. And Stephenie Meyer. And maybe Dave Barry.
5. You know what would jazz this here Keyboard Confession up? Some muzack! Cue Get Your Freak On Friday, brought to you by Transient Pod.
6. And today, I offer Phoenix - Everything is Everything.
7. In some cosmic way, everything IS everything.
8. *staring off into oblivion, drool puddling*
9. Wha? Oh yeah. So. Super tiyard. I suppose this is my cue to crack open a can of Diet Coke.
10. I'm sooo predictable.
11. Miracles happen. I know this because we broke a car this last week. A blown head gasket. On a really old car. And we were just going to sell it for scrap metal. And someone bought it. Who, get this, MAKES HEAD GASKETS. Or FIXES HEAD GASKETS. Or HAS ACCESS TO HEAD GASKETS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. Seriously, this wad of cash I have to deposit is just paper miracles.
12. Now to tackle the other two crap cars we have. *rubs hands* Actually, my hands are sticky. Hold please, whilst I squirt some hanitizer.
13. Also, I wonder what my keyboard would confess should it type by itself? Probably something like this:
14. "Dude. Seriously. Wash your hands. Yes, you, you need to wash your hands before--ewwww, and use a Kleenex. Blech. Booger germs."
15. "Hi. My name is Keyboard and I love to collect crumbs. No, really. Please, add some more. Oh good, you're eating a muffin. Yay."
16. "Dude. Quit typing "abou tit". Seriously. Learn to type."
17. "There is NO REASON TO BANG ON MY SPACE BAR. I don't care how mad you are. And it's not my fault that Twitter only accepts 140 characters. Be kind to the backspace."
18. I think my Keyboard has an attitude problem.
19. I think I might not eat brownies ever again.
20. I think I should quit while I'm behind.