Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Keyboard Confessions

Every week I sit down and confess some things.  Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list.

1.  I shall never ever ever drink a Diet Coke late at night again.  This is what I thought at 2:30 a.m.

2.  You know what else I shall never ever ever do?  Eat a brownie at 2:37 a.m.  I'm pretty sure my stomach was like "whoa whoa whoaaah, don't do it, young person! We do not accept anything after hours.  You'll just have to come back when we're open for business."  To which I responded "hey hey heyyyy, who's the boss of this body?  Me *points to self*  TAKE THE BROWNIE."  To which my body replied with a shrug, "whatever, dude, it's your digestive track."

3.  I changed my mind, my stomach is the boss after hours.  Ugggggh.

4.  Also, I highly recommend reading through old archives of blogs if you're up at 3:00 a.m.  Especially my blog.  Because at 3 a.m. I am hee-lar-ee-ous.  Now, at like 9:19 a.m. I'm just meh.  Also, The Queen soooo needs to find me.  And Stephenie Meyer.  And maybe Dave Barry.

5.  You know what would jazz this here Keyboard Confession up?  Some muzack!  Cue Get Your Freak On Friday, brought to you by Transient Pod.



6. And today, I offer Phoenix - Everything is Everything. 

7.  In some cosmic way, everything IS everything.

8.  *staring off into oblivion, drool puddling*

9.  Wha?  Oh yeah.  So.  Super tiyard.  I suppose this is my cue to crack open a can of Diet Coke.

10.  I'm sooo predictable.

11.  Miracles happen. I know this because we broke a car this last week.  A blown head gasket.  On a really old car.  And we were just going to sell it for scrap metal.  And someone bought it.  Who, get this, MAKES HEAD GASKETS.  Or FIXES HEAD GASKETS.  Or HAS ACCESS TO HEAD GASKETS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.  Seriously, this wad of cash I have to deposit is just paper miracles.

12.  Now to tackle the other two crap cars we have.  *rubs hands*  Actually, my hands are sticky.  Hold please, whilst I squirt some hanitizer.

13.  Also, I wonder what my keyboard would confess should it type by itself?  Probably something like this:

14.  "Dude.  Seriously.  Wash your hands.  Yes, you, you need to wash your hands before--ewwww, and use a Kleenex.  Blech.  Booger germs."

15.  "Hi.  My name is Keyboard and I love to collect crumbs.  No, really.  Please, add some more.  Oh good, you're eating a muffin.  Yay."

16.  "Dude.  Quit typing "abou tit".  Seriously.  Learn to type."

17.  "There is NO REASON TO BANG ON MY SPACE BAR.  I don't care how mad you are.  And it's not my fault that Twitter only accepts 140 characters.  Be kind to the backspace."

18.  I think my Keyboard has an attitude problem.

19.  I think I might not eat brownies ever again.

20.  I think I should quit while I'm behind. 

Happy Friday.

14 comments:

Sara said...

Brownies seem so harmless. Yet something happens late at night that turns them into heartburn ninjas. I have felt your pain.

Dee Crowe said...

dude...midnight brownies rock...until they turn into 3am shartastic brownies...

I had pizza this morning, and tums, and then coffee...I'm thinking the coffee neutralized the tums so now I have to go in for another dose, so I can have a pop...

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

I love your keyboard confessions...

I just tweeted about you and that darling sign that I just ordered, and she gave me a discount and even said "maybe we should do a giveaway"

I think I'm going to buy a lotto ticket.

That makes sense to you, doesn't it?

Just checking.

connie said...

I blew a head gasket once...but not on my car. It hurts.

Miss Fit said...

Your keyboard said 'tit'. *Shut up Beavis!* Also, I had a dilem-men-ama last night as well over a double chocolate mocha and a fruit smoothie at 9pm. I know naughty. I chose the higher road. Smoothie. Only cause I'm sick. Nothing more.

Insanitykim said...

I know this is probably really weird, but I would love to hear what your chair has to say...

Matty said...

Here's my keyboard confession: I'm involved in a love triangle. But shhhh, don't tell my wife.

It involves me, my stomach, and brownies.

At any time.

Beth said...

Oh My Goodness! I think I would so love to hang out with you in the middle of the night! But we better skip the brownies!

Much More Than Mommy said...

I constantly type 'abou tit'. I also have seen myself type 'baptitsness'. I just snorted after seeing that without immediately deleting it. Oh man. Imagine if I'd accidentally set that as my url!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Note to Self: do not comment on blog when you are craving chocolate like Kearsie craves a Diet Coke...

Abbie said...

You crack me up! I found your blog through Beka's, and I'm having the best time reading around here.

Smiling,
Abbie

p.s. I love Dave Barry!

ElegantSnobbery said...

Phoenix! WOOOOOOT!

Cassie said...

I just may have to stay up to find out how hilarious I am at 3 am. Brownies and coke, sounds amazing. Now I'm hungry again. Thanks.

MiMi said...

Dude, Keyboard, take better care of your owner's blog. Somebody just hit her with some major spam.
Jerks.
Anyway. I could have written this list, for sure. Especially 1 to 3. :) Also. I need to quit writing abou tit, too.

Dee Crowe said...

Because you are so cool I gave you an award...congrats! Have a great weekend!

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