Keyboard Confessions - the training edition

Every week I sit down and confess some things.  Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list.

1.  Man, it's been a loooooong week.

2.  I'm training my replacement.  Guess what?  I think she already knows more than me.  So, it's pretty easy. 

3.  I'm also packing.  Guess what?  I hates it.  So, it's pretty miserable.  This is what our house looked like for one horrible day:

4.  I came home from work to find my Hubs and kids hard at work sorting through toys to pack and/or throw away.  I walked in the door and had a mini panic attack.  Hubs promptly shooed me out of the room because he could see the breakdown henceforth on it's way.  Thankfully, the house did not have to burn down to take care of the mess.  Nor did I die from hyperventilating.

5.  I haven't been able to waste time on the computer like normal, you know, because my replacement needs to be impressed by my knowledge and prowess of the Legal World and such, and not my ability to multitask on facebook.  I wonder if I'm missed in my online life.  *cue the we miss you, Kearsies*

6.  Also, I've been busy doing fun stuff like this:

Kindergarten graduation

7.  Also, I was the weepy mom in the second row.  Also, my lunar cycle did not help matters.  IfyouknowwhatImean.

8.  Also, about 2 hours before graduation I realized that my poor daughter had no shoes to wear.  So I was the frantic woman in Walmart shoving my daughter's feet into shoes. 

9.  Also, see those sandals she's wearing in the photo?  She's not stopped wearing them since Tuesday. 

10.  Also, those shoes were from Kmart.  So I was the frantic woman driving at breakneck speeds.

11.  Also, I suspect I use the word also too much.  Alas.

12.  For one day, I want to talk like Emma Pillsbury, the guidance counselor on Glee. 

13.  Most of you have no idea what I'm talking about.  The few who do are pursing their mouth attempting to talk like her too.

14.  Also, I agree with Sue and Will Shuester does use too much mousse.

15.  Speaking of all this Glee, I love this song for this week's offering to Get Your Freak On Friday, hosted by Transient Pod.

16.  It's not a terribly nice song, but I sure love it anyways.  

17.  LOST shows it's last episode on Sunday, right?  I dunno if my questions shall be answered, but I'll bet you 50 bucks that Jack Shephard cries.  Because he cries in every.single.episode. 

18.  Dale's sauce on your burger.  That's all I'm saying.

19.  Ok, that's a lie, because I still have a couple more things to say.  So it's just one of the many things I'll say.

20.  I tried wine again.  It was still sicknasty. 

Happy Friday.

Keyboard Confessions

Every week I sit down and confess some things.  Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list.

1.  I shall never ever ever drink a Diet Coke late at night again.  This is what I thought at 2:30 a.m.

2.  You know what else I shall never ever ever do?  Eat a brownie at 2:37 a.m.  I'm pretty sure my stomach was like "whoa whoa whoaaah, don't do it, young person! We do not accept anything after hours.  You'll just have to come back when we're open for business."  To which I responded "hey hey heyyyy, who's the boss of this body?  Me *points to self*  TAKE THE BROWNIE."  To which my body replied with a shrug, "whatever, dude, it's your digestive track."

3.  I changed my mind, my stomach is the boss after hours.  Ugggggh.

4.  Also, I highly recommend reading through old archives of blogs if you're up at 3:00 a.m.  Especially my blog.  Because at 3 a.m. I am hee-lar-ee-ous.  Now, at like 9:19 a.m. I'm just meh.  Also, The Queen soooo needs to find me.  And Stephenie Meyer.  And maybe Dave Barry.

5.  You know what would jazz this here Keyboard Confession up?  Some muzack!  Cue Get Your Freak On Friday, brought to you by Transient Pod.

6. And today, I offer Phoenix - Everything is Everything. 

7.  In some cosmic way, everything IS everything.

8.  *staring off into oblivion, drool puddling*

9.  Wha?  Oh yeah.  So.  Super tiyard.  I suppose this is my cue to crack open a can of Diet Coke.

10.  I'm sooo predictable.

11.  Miracles happen. I know this because we broke a car this last week.  A blown head gasket.  On a really old car.  And we were just going to sell it for scrap metal.  And someone bought it.  Who, get this, MAKES HEAD GASKETS.  Or FIXES HEAD GASKETS.  Or HAS ACCESS TO HEAD GASKETS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.  Seriously, this wad of cash I have to deposit is just paper miracles.

12.  Now to tackle the other two crap cars we have.  *rubs hands*  Actually, my hands are sticky.  Hold please, whilst I squirt some hanitizer.

13.  Also, I wonder what my keyboard would confess should it type by itself?  Probably something like this:

14.  "Dude.  Seriously.  Wash your hands.  Yes, you, you need to wash your hands before--ewwww, and use a Kleenex.  Blech.  Booger germs."

15.  "Hi.  My name is Keyboard and I love to collect crumbs.  No, really.  Please, add some more.  Oh good, you're eating a muffin.  Yay."

16.  "Dude.  Quit typing "abou tit".  Seriously.  Learn to type."

17.  "There is NO REASON TO BANG ON MY SPACE BAR.  I don't care how mad you are.  And it's not my fault that Twitter only accepts 140 characters.  Be kind to the backspace."

18.  I think my Keyboard has an attitude problem.

19.  I think I might not eat brownies ever again.

20.  I think I should quit while I'm behind. 

Happy Friday.

Keyboard Confessions - the allergy edition

Every week I sit down and confess some things.  Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list.

1.  I have a green car.  Underneath all the pollen the paint is green too.

2.  It's not rained in forever. In honor of that, I'm selecting this week's offering to The Transient Pod's Get Your Freak On:

 

3.  I need me a lava lamp, I think.

4.  Guess what? It's super hard to remove dark purple nail polish. 

5.  Also hard is putting on green eyeshadow. 

6.  Why do I try, folks?  Seriously.  Because purple skin and walking around looking like I just got a black eye is so not the look I'm going for.

7.  Neither is looking like muffins and bagels and other pastry items are spilling over my jeans, but that's another post for another day.

8.  A special birthday shout out to my friend Connie!!!  Also, whenever I see a black glove I'll think of you, just after the creeped out feelings disappear.  Because I'm still creeped out by the black glove.

9.  Speaking of creeped out, lemme tell ya'll about this phone call I got yesterday at work:

Phone rings
Me:  Good morning, Importanty Lawyer's Office.
Creepy Guy:  Who am I speaking with?
Me:  This is Kearsie
CG:  What a beautiful voice you have!
Me:  ....Um, thanks?
CG:  Are you as pretty as your voice?
Me:  ...Um, I dunno?
CG:  I suppose it's a matter of opinion.  Answer me one question, do you have long hair or short hair?
Me:  ...Um, does it matter?
CG:  *click*
Me:  *skeezed out*

10.  Yes I washed my hands, eyes and ears after that disgusting conversation. 

Cutting it short today, hoping for rain, and a lava lamp. 

Happy weekend.

Keyboard Confessions

Every week I sit down and confess some things. Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list.

1.  So I was playing this word game on my iPrecious the other day.  I spelled the word FRIEND.  Then I took away a letter and spelled FRIED.  Then I switched out another letter and spelled FIEND.  In some cosmic way, this was the universe telling me that RNs are important.

2.  Also, I really need a nap.

3.  Also, I spend too much time on my iPrecious.

4.  It's Friday.  That means:

5. You need to do your self a favor and run to Transient Pod and watch the video she's posted.  Seriously.  Do it.  You.are.welcome.

6. My choice for today:


7.  Some trivia?  What's the name of the club he's singing and walking his way in to?  It's called, what Kearsie suffers from at least three times a year.

8.  Also, he works so hard from 9 to 5?  Maybe he needs to get a job that he works 8 to 5.  Then it'll be full time.  With benefits.  THEN she'll have the finer things in life.  Just a suggestion.

9.  I dunno why I even bother to listen to lyrics.  That's when I just crank up some Come On, Eileen, and listen to babbling possiblely Irish jibber jabber.  Sometimes ignorance is blissful and toe tapping.

10.  It's all about mushrooms.  For my kitchen.  Or pizza.  Not to smoke.  Or eat.  Or inject.  Or whatever.

11.  Speaking of fungus, I am suspicious of a spot on my toe.

12.  *echo echo*

13.  You say the words "fungus" and "toe" and it'll clear the room. 

14.  That's ok.  Now I won't have to use any Febreze.

15. Also, at work?  It was smelly?  So my coworkers bought some Glade plug-in thingies?  Yeah. They remind me of morning sickness.  Which makes me about 15% queasy.

16.  Ok, quick experiment.  *GAG*  <---- how many of you gagged when I said *GAG*? 

17.  Also, another experiment.  Does anyone else think that the lunar cycle thingy is out of alignment?  Because everyone I know is hormonal.  And experiencing (menfolk, close your eyes for a sec) irregular cycles.  Let's study this and become rich and famousy. 

18.  Or, maybe we should just curl up with a good book/rerun of Step Up on TV/some knitting.

19.  Those are my weekend plans.

20.  It's a good thing I work hard from 8 to 5 so my family can have the finer things in life, like a new bag of pretzels and some toilet paper. 

Have an outstanding weekend.

Keyboard Confessions: the travel edition

Every week I sit down and confess some things.  Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list.

1.  So.  Guess what I'm about to do today?  No, not getting my brows waxed.  Good try. Guess again.  No, not going to the girly doctor.  You guys suck at this. Ok ok, I'll just tell you. I'm headed out on vacation!  Woot woot!

2.  I'm leaaaavin, in a rental car, because our Oldsmobile won't make it very far...I totally should start writing song lyrics because clearly I'm gifted.

3.  I always experience what I call Rental Car Covet in the weeks after vacations.  Because our cars are crap.

4.  I've got guest posts lined up for next week.  Aren't you happy?  Remember last time?  Skin tags and hotel sex?  I know, you've got to come back.  You never know what my guest bloggers will say.

5.  New folks to this blog are scratching their heads.  "Skin tags...?"  Trust me, confused friend, it's better if you don't know. 

6.  I'm wearing a slip today.  Does anyone else have to reach up all unladylikey under their skirt to adjust the slip that has inched up to resemble a cumberbun?

7.  This is item #47 of my How I'm Cosmetically Challenged.

8.  So.  Nose rings.  I think I want one.  But.  I don't know if I'm cool enough to pull it off.

9.  Or a tattoo?  Will I look hardcore awesome with a tattoo?  Or just like a 34 year old trying to look cool?

10.  Alas.  There's #48.

11.  Someone just remarked on the fact that my skirt is very Easter.  Is that ok?  Am I a walking faux pas?  DANG.  #49.

12.  Guess what song I've had in my head for the last 3 days? 

We don't have to take our CLOTHES OFF, to have a good time...

*insert '80's side to side dance step*

13.  *Weep* help...me...

14. Wait!  This is is!  This is my submission to Transient Pod's Get Your Freak On Friday!! 

Woot!!  So, sweet and unsuspecting readers, here is my chance to get this blasted song out of MY head and into YOURS!  MUAHAHAHAHA!!



15.  Also, I wonder if I could sing this to my husband? "Boy, I'm not a piece of meat"  Also, I wonder if he's reading this.  I keep forgetting I'm about to be on a 12-hour car ride with this blessed man. 

16.  I painted my nails last night.  This is such a rare occassion I had to share.  This color:

17.  I feel so punk rock. 

18.  I also feel dorky for saying the words "I feel so punk rock".  Because I bet punk rock people don't go around saying "Hey man, we're so punk rock".  That's like a bunch of preppy people sitting around Starbucks going "Hey man, we're so preppy".  In fact, I'm pretty sure you're not punk rock if you have to say you're punk rock.  Hmm. 

19.  I feel so sexy and skinny.

20.  Dang.  There's #50.

Happy Friday.