Oh man, I think I have an ingrown toenail.
- Things the Queen would never say
The Merry Gentlemen
9 hours ago
Monday, January 4, 2010
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11 comments:
why wouldn't she say that? i heard the queen doesn't take good care of her feet. in fact. i heard that she wears shoes one size too small.
yeah. that's what i heard.
Oh man, her toes are nas-tay...and, she picks her teeth after she eats hotwings...I think...that's what I heard anyway...
i think she would have been like..."CHARLES!!!!!!! PICK THIS DANG TOENAIL OUT OR YOUR JOURNEY TO THE THRONE WILL NOT HAPPEN, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING %&^$^^!!!!!"
Kearsie, Thank you SO MUCH for your hand-knit scrubbies! We NEED washcloths, and these are perfect! You are too sweet to send such a lovely gift! (I'm so glad your girls like the snowmen tshirts.) :)
Im sure Queens get ingrown toenails too!
Does the queen even know she has toenails? I tried to imagine the queen saying this and I got all distracted imagining the legions of servants the queen must have...one of them tends to her toenails and has tended to her toenails for so long, that the queen is no longer aware of them.
In short, you're right. The queen would probably never say that.
No she probably wouldn't. She'd probably say "Phillip darling could you look and one's toenail and tell me what you think?"
Oh. The Queen says it alright...but she says it like this:
Oh,King?
Get thy royal arse hither and go on thy bended knee.
(Because you know every queen lurves men on their knees in front of her royalness).
When the King does so, she says:
Take my royal sox off, hasten thee!
When the King does so, she says:
Do not make thy face screwed up in disgust from my royal toejam aroma, if thee would have a warmer castle in thy frozen ass kingdom, I would not have to wear three pairs of woolen royal socks to warmeth my delicate toes.
Which brings me to my biggest royal point.
The three pairs of woolen sox has caused some cramping in my royal glass slippers, thus causing my royal toes to cramp up more than a hemmorhoid in them...thus I have an affflicted hangnail in thy foot.
When the King rolls his royal eyes,
the Queen then kicks him in his royal arse with her royal hangnailed foot and that is why both the King and Queen appear to have those pinched expressions on their royal faces.
The Royal End
Hahahaha!!! Methinks the royal family would get a royal kick out of this royal blog.
Also, I wonder if this Queen speaks with the royal "we". Like, "we have gas". It could happen.
Fair lady Kearsie, we would never say "we have gas", we would say: "We have a bit of bad air coming, please get the Febreze ready!"
Message from the Queen.
Wait, I thought when you passed gas it was called "Saluting the Queen"
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