Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Doo doo dooo doo doo doo dooo dooo

That's Twilight Zone music.  Yes it is. 

Ok.  I've got a problem. 

It's a small problem.  Sort of like a pimple.  But not really like a pimple because I can slap 50 layers of makeup on a pimple and voila it's not a problem anymore.

It's more like a boil.  You can't cover up a boil.

No, I don't have a boil.

My problem is this:

See, one day, the arm on my office chair just popped off.  I felt all powerful and destructive, like a female wrestler hopped up on endorphins and Twizzlers.  But it was irreparable.  So I went to my local Staples and bought me a fancy new chair. 

It took me ages to put it together.  But once done, it was a masterpiece of office equipment. My tush was nice and comfy.  I made sure I didn't use my super strength on the arms.  And try to roll gently.


(Ironic, the word "but".)

But, at some point, either my butt has gotten larger and heavier or something in the chair is malfunctioning.  Because as I sit typing this, my chin is right above the desk and my arms are practically over my head to reach the keyboard.  I've fiddled and adjusted and yelled at and coaxed and pleaded and bribed and nothing I do keeps my chair from sinking about 8 inches. 

But see, it's tricky, this thing.  It's not like, dropping down suddenly like a ride at Disney. 

Nay, it's slowly sinking.  Just slow enough to make me forget I'm going to be 6 inches shorter in an hour.  Just slow enough to make me wonder if that Mini Snickers bar was laced with brick dust and if I should have used the elliptical machine this morning instead of hanging my wet towel on it.  Just slow enough to make me wonder if my arms being slowly pulled out of their sockets by my lengthening reaches and if I'll resemble a caveman by Friday.

Just slow enough to write this. 

This gives whole new meaning to low riding.


robin said...

hahahahahahahaha! captain...caaaaavemaaaaaannnn! i used to love watching him on the cartoon express. but anyway, i hope your chair issue gets resolved soon. maybe macgyver could come down and bring me with him and he could fix your chair! that sounds like a taffy waffy plan! please tell me you remember that part....

kristi said...

i'm sorry kearsie. make bill buy you a new one! :)

Creative Junkie said...

I've got a great visual going on here.

My office chair does the same thing except spontaneously and then at warp speed. One second I'm typing and the next *WHAM* I'm staring at dust bunnies.

Much More Than Mommy said...

I'm thinking there's a screw loose somewhere. Whether it's you or the chair, though, I don't know. ;-)

I have walked a mile in your shoes, my friend. Or sunk a few inches in your chair. It could be your employer is trying to make you crazy? "Muhahahahah! She shall think she is shrinking!"

I dunno.

Kaye said...

Maybe the desk is actually rising. Like the table at McFarlains in Branson (see the 5th review down here...the one by brdwtchr on August 25, 2002).

Have you noticed co-workers trying to watch you out of the corners of their eyes and snickering?

Anonymous said...

Get me a new throne, this one is defective!

Things the Queen would never say.

(but something that Kearsie would say).

Sara said...

You have two options.... A) Cut the legs off your desk you so it actually works in reverse.... you'll go from giant to normal as opposed to normal to minature OR
B) Return it a get a chair that works right. I vote A.

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

Maybe your desk is growing... Or there's a sinkhole in your office... Or your new chair has a pimple?

w said...

well i know what the problem is. but i'm not going to tell you. because in life, we must strive to fix our own ailments.

wise words.

The Retired One said...

Damn those hydraulics!!!

I hate being short and those chairs give me trouble even when they are brand new.....
so good luck with that.

Emma's Mommy said...

This is hilarious! I love reading your posts.

angie128 said...

Do you need a booster seat?

I may want to come and play in your chair.

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