Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Keyboard Confessions

1. It is official. I have hit rock bottom. When all you can think of is toilet seats, you have officially hit rock bottom.

2. And Edward dolls. The combination of the two of those things spells rock bottom.

3. I am, right now, sitting on uncomfortable wooden bleachers at my girls' Christmas parties.

4. Through the miracle of innernets and planned publishing I can be two places at once.

5. I have decided all I want for Christmas is a nap.

6. And to magically lose all the added pounds I've gained since Thanksgiving.

7. I wear rubber gloves when I do dishes now. Rubber gloves are a miracle.

8. Except when water drips down into the rubber gloves whilst doing dishes. Then rubber gloves are disgusting.

9. I love my new ottoman. I hope I get a Snuggie to go with my ottoman.

10. I bet ya'll are wondering what I'm doing right now at the Christmas party.

11. I'll bet you $10.00 I'm thanking God I am not a teacher.

12. I love my children. I'm just not that keen on other people's hyperactive-jacked-up-on-Red-Color-9 children.

13. Today I go to the dentist. Remember the last time I went? Fun times.

14. Also, I've decided if I have bad breath, I have bad breath. There's only so much bad breath eradication I can do.

15. Also I will probably not be able to look at him in the eye for awhile. Did I mention I go to church with him? And sit in his home once a week? Nay, I failed to mention that.

16. Thank the Lord I do not ever see my OB/GYN doctor out and about.

17. Did you know hummus causes gas? Yeah, me neither. Until I ate a whole container.

18. I baked cookies for this party that is tonight. But to you was last night. I super hope they didn't suck. They will be/are the only dessert on the menu.

19. Even more reason to not make eye contact with anyone.

20. Also, I just said hummus caused me gas. I'm betting no one makes eye contact with me.

Happy Friday!!


Insanitykim said...

I can't look you in the eyes at all...I have eye zits still.

robin said...

whoa! we must be besties cause i have a dentist appt today too! am i mean cause i am laughing out loud at the thought of you sitting at a christmas party with other peoples screaming children. i think i am mean, but it's just so funny! good luck girl.

The Retired One said...

Wow. YOU are a gas....forget about the hummus.
And who eats it? (Much less a whole container?) Good Lord, woman!
Funny blogpost, as always, my friend. I always get a good chuckle from you!

Anonymous said...

Kearsie, hummus is BEANS!! But I love it, too.

ScoMan said...

Other peoples children are so annoying.

Though I don't have any children of my own, so everybody's children are so annoying.

Except my brothers child, she's not annoying.

w said...

everything causes gas with me. i'm like a walking "flammable" warning.

merry christmas. hope it's fancy. like. deviled egg dish fancy. that's as fancy as it gets.

Kaye said...

My hubby and I were REALLY good friends with my OB/GYN and his wife for 6 years. You'd think it would be awkward, but somehow it wasn't...after the first 6 months, that is.

Mom said...

Yeah, once I got a new job at the same clinic where my OB/GYN worked. When my boss introduced me to him I mentioned that we'd already met, he was my gynecologist. He said he didn't recognize me with my clothes on. Talk about not looking somebody in the eye... AWKWARD!

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