Keyboard Confessions

1. It is official. I have hit rock bottom. When all you can think of is toilet seats, you have officially hit rock bottom.


2. And Edward dolls. The combination of the two of those things spells rock bottom.


3. I am, right now, sitting on uncomfortable wooden bleachers at my girls' Christmas parties.


4. Through the miracle of innernets and planned publishing I can be two places at once.


5. I have decided all I want for Christmas is a nap.


6. And to magically lose all the added pounds I've gained since Thanksgiving.


7. I wear rubber gloves when I do dishes now. Rubber gloves are a miracle.


8. Except when water drips down into the rubber gloves whilst doing dishes. Then rubber gloves are disgusting.


9. I love my new ottoman. I hope I get a Snuggie to go with my ottoman.


10. I bet ya'll are wondering what I'm doing right now at the Christmas party.

11. I'll bet you $10.00 I'm thanking God I am not a teacher.

12. I love my children. I'm just not that keen on other people's hyperactive-jacked-up-on-Red-Color-9 children.

13. Today I go to the dentist. Remember the last time I went? Fun times.

14. Also, I've decided if I have bad breath, I have bad breath. There's only so much bad breath eradication I can do.

15. Also I will probably not be able to look at him in the eye for awhile. Did I mention I go to church with him? And sit in his home once a week? Nay, I failed to mention that.

16. Thank the Lord I do not ever see my OB/GYN doctor out and about.

17. Did you know hummus causes gas? Yeah, me neither. Until I ate a whole container.

18. I baked cookies for this party that is tonight. But to you was last night. I super hope they didn't suck. They will be/are the only dessert on the menu.

19. Even more reason to not make eye contact with anyone.

20. Also, I just said hummus caused me gas. I'm betting no one makes eye contact with me.

Happy Friday!!

My glutes are still recovering from Friday

What happened Friday?



Homecoming.



Yes, Homecoming.



It wasn't the dolling up of the daughter who was a Homecoming attendant that was so difficult.



It wasn't the driving at breakneck speeds to be there on time.



It wasn't even the pressure to take good pictures for family members who would most certainly ask for a photo.



It was sitting on the wooden bleachers.



*painful stretch*



I discovered after about 20 minutes of sitting that bleachers were most likely made for:



*Gumby or other very bendy people

*Small folks who do not require much room

*Children who are naturally wiggly and at home in confined spaces

*People on crack



They were not made for people who:



*Have legs

*Might be just a tad overweight

*Don't enjoy sitting with knees and elbows and shouting, cheering, jostling crowds around them

*Are me



And I had to sit through 2 basketball games sitting on those torturous wooden bleachers. And there was much cheering and shouting and jostling. And knees and elbows.




But, it was all worth it when I saw my oldest child on the arm of My Hubs, looking all Christmas Princessy with her rose.

Isn't she lovely? Rhetorical question, requires no response but "Yes, she is a vision of beauty".

Two hours of painful bleacher sitting = worth it.