Oh, I have a blog?

I'm just going to jump into writing this and act like I haven't ignored this blog for like 17 years, k?

It's Saturday and I'm here in the Apple store, waiting on certain persons (read: my husband) to away with me to the food court to eat convenient and fatty foods with our offspring.  To pass the time whilst I wait, howsabout I write you a little bitty list?  You know, for old time's sake.

Keyboard Confessions:  The My Nails are Really Long and it's Hard to Type Edition

1.  It's quite possible that I didn't capitalize something and/or capitilatized something I shouldn't've in that last sentence.  So glad I homeschool.  I want my kids to lurn guud.

2.  I had "the talk" with my daughter last night.  I wonder if it helped and/or didn't help that I laughed for most of it.  I suppose we'll find out in about thirty years when she's in therapy.

3.  But dude.  Her face.  Reacting to what I was saying.  How could I not laugh?

4.  Thankfully, she still thinks it's utterly gross and icky and why on earth would anyone do that ever?

5.  I'm going to keep her away from HBO, MTV and some of ABC Family for as long as I possibly can.

6.  So this summer my high school class will have its 20 year reunion.  Firstly, I shall try var hard not to think about how old that makes me and I'm quite possibly in the middle of my life and the depression sinks me down which is surely why I've lost a half an inch according to the doctor on my last checkup. Secondly, I had a panic attack.

7.  When one has a panic attack, clearly the best idea is to crack open your yearbook and stare obsessively at what you used to look like and pine for the days when you thought you were "fat".

8.  But one bonus- I found a friend whom I have looked around the innernets for years.  Who?  Whom?  Homeschool mom strikes again.  Anyways.  I stalked her and found her and now we are emailing.  It's the little things, people.  Also, I'm quite sure that is what other stalkers say to prod on their stalkery behavior.

9.  Then, I jumped to here on my blog and read just about every post that these fingers have written and tried to read them through the eyes of peeps I went to high school with and I came to these conclusions:

a)  I am drowning in so many colloquials that my 12th grade English teacher would flunk me after reading just three posts.  Alas and that sucks.  Also, Macbeth is rad.  (I wrote that in a paper once.  Yes, I did.)

b)  I talk way too much about having nostril hair problems.  Seriously.  Also, I found itty bitty scissors that help with this affliction.  So.  You fine readers are spared of future nostril hair malady and affliction posts. 

c)  I talk an awful lot about this mystery novel that I am penning.  But really, it just sits here on my computer and I am convinced that all my talk about it keeps me from writing.  It's a theory, people.  Quite as convincing as the lunar landing being a hoax. 

d)  I am way over Twilight and Party in the USA but I bet no one would believe me if I said it.

10.  I recently went to Walmart, aka Fashion Central, and my oldest daughter told me quite plainly that my headband looked terrible and it would be better for me to take it off and I would just blend in with the people around me.

11.  Serious question- have the Hollywood Movie Maker People run out of ideas for movies and that is why we must endure their endless remakes?  Just curious.

12.  If I stand up really tall then my belly kind of sucks in.  I bet you can't guess how I'm standing right now.

13.  I just got a weird look from an Apple worker.  You don't know my life, lady!  Also, I like your intentionally mussy hair.

14.  Man I forgot how hard it was to come up with random thoughts that don't include things like, where's the bathroom and I'm hungry.

15.  This blog is clearly for the Thinking Man.

16.  I suppose it is frivolous that I am proud that my kids know and sing all my indie rock playlist.

17.  Or, am I doing them an important service for when they are adults raising children of their own?  Yes.  That.

18.  My husband is so hairy he makes the sheets have lint balls all over his side.  Guess which side I placed on my bed when I washed and dried the sheets?

19.  I complained.  Then we placed them on the bed upside down.  Yeah there's a tag flapping near my head, but, no lint balls.

20.  Ingenius?  That's why I homeskool.

Have an amazing weekend.

Keyboard Nonsense

Once upon a time, I used to write these lists.  Sometimes they were confessions, mostly they were just inane nonsense.

1.  We put the comforter in our duvet.  So, clearly we are ready for fall.  Us + squishy duvet = like being in the womb again.

2.  I've decided I'm tired of pumpkiny things.  I know, that's practically blasphemous as I just said we are ready for fall.  Me + pumpkiny things = overrated, like the Twilight books.

3.  I'm almost done with the X Files.  Mulder is gone now, idk where he went except I miss his nose and those steamy bedroom eyes he's always making at Scully.  Mulder + Scully = should just get married already.

4.  Quite frankly, I'm tired of watching the X Files, but I'm sticking with it because I will be disappointed with myself for giving up on the last season.  Also, it's quite possible my life is utterly boring and meaningless when I'm not gainfully employed.  Me + no job = Netflix watching blob snuggled under the duvet.

5.  I've learned that my children are complete opposites whilst homeschooling.  For instance, we wrote a letter to a pen pal recently and it went something like this:

Emma:  How little can I write and it still be a letter?  What if I just draw a really big picture of a key at the bottom? 

Addie:  Do you think these five pages are enough?  Gosh, I should add another page, there's nineteen more questions I want to ask.  Do you think this girl will be my best friend?  

End scene.  Emma + school work = meh.  Addie + school work = asks for extra assignments.

6.  Also, one day I had them write haikus.  They thought it was the most pointless exercise in the world.  Clearly they are not my children.  Haikus + my kids = alien language.  Kearsie + haikus = daily talk.

7.  Today in school, we will watch the old cartoony version of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.  Because I just read it aloud to them.  And we're about to finish The Secret Garden, so we'll watch that, too.  School + movies = awesomeness with a side of amazing.

8.  I found all my Edward dolls yesterday.  And inspiration struck, yet I just couldn't bring myself to bust out the camera and blog the inspiration.  Inspiration + laziness = blog death.

9.  I tried to help my nephew with Algebra II a week ago.  Which pretty much meant I looked at his homework, let my eyes glaze over and then I pointed him toward youtube, where you can find anything.  Kearsie + maths = it's not like riding a bike.  

10.  Man.  This duvet is so comfy.  It's really hard to bring myself to get out of bed.   Duvet + comforter = bed glue.

10-11-12

That is today's date.  You're welcome for pointing out the obvious.  I aim to be helpful.

For fun, here are 12 random things, for your eyeballs' enjoyment.  Eyeball's?  Eyeballs's?  Whatever.

1.  If I'm really lucky, my daughter will break ALL my dishes.

2.  Today I discovered that a butternut squash smells just like a watermelon on the inside.

3.  Just down the road from Chez Murphy is a gourmet cupcake shop.  Not good, people.  Not good.

4.  It is not lost on me that the words "milkshake" and "mistake" are similar.  Yes they are.  And thus, I had a mistake.  This is recycled from my fb.  I am a responsible recycler.

5.  I look more and more Hobbity as the days pass.  Soon, I shall make my trek to Mordor, in search of reliable hair care products.

6.  For Christmas, I made some really awesome things for certain folks for gifts.  But guess what?  I can't tell you because some people reading this will be like, Ooh!  That's for me!  And then when Christmas rolls around they will get something like a knitted scarf and be like, this is lame.

7.  So I'll tell you alllll about it in January.

8.  For reason undetected, I began watching the X Files on Netflix.  All nine hundred bajillion seasons.  I'm on season 7 now and all I can think is, will you two just kiss already?  Geez.

9.  Also, I'm fairly certain that watching the X Files is really just a documentary on the evolution of the cell phone.

10.  Also, I'm fairly certain you could make watching the X Files a drinking game.  Take a drink whenever Scully asks "You ok, Mulder?" Take another drink every time Mulder uses the words "X File" or "paranormal".  I could go on.  But I shall not.

11.  I sure am glad I chose to homeschool my two children.  That way, I get to listen to them fight all day long, as opposed to just the evening.  This was also a recycled fb status.

12.  I do like being a responsible recycler.

Ch-ch-ch-chia!

Normally I eschew the front side of the camera, but today I asked my awesome Hubs to snap a quick pic of me so you fine readers can see the difference a year makes.  Also, I was a wee bit proud that I could finally fit into this shirt again.  So clearly I had to document it.

Today my Hubs called me sexy, so, I must've stopped looking like Screech from Saved By the Bell.

Rock on.

Once upon a time...

...there lived a girl with responsibilities.  Laundry to wash.  Floors to mop.  Fresh veggies to chop for that night's supper. 

And then she was introduced to Doctor Who.  

And she could've cared less about laundry, mopping or fresh veggies.  

Excuse me whilst I head back to Netflix.  

Reporting live from Durham, NC

WHAAAAAAT?

You heard me, folks!  Assuming there are plural amounts of people reading this!

We are now living in the Carolinas.  Specifically of the Northern variety.  Also, I haven't had to use a switchblade yet living here in Durham.  So.

Let me back up a bit.  *insert loud beeping sound reminiscent of large trucks in reverse*

See, the Hubs and I were discussing life and such in late March.  And we decided that our time in the Colorados was at an end and that my Hubs' brain needed more info to cram into it and such.  And that we should move back to the area with which his scholastic career began- er, continued, which is here in NC.  He will pursue his PhD and such.  So we began the process of sifting through the earthly possessions we, erm, possessed, and gave away/got rid of/burned in a bonfire of magnificent proportions most of those aforesaid earthly possessions.  Also, the aforementioned bonfire did not, in fact, exist.  Except in my mind.  For I think that arson would've made this whole packing thing way easier.

We purged.  Not that kind of purging.  The Hoarders kind.  It was tough.  It was cleansing.  I even gave away the first blanket I ever made my daughter.  We also donated an entire trunkful of books to the Human Society thrift store.  I think they shed a tear or two.

It was tough.  Yet we pressed on, and packed many a box of books and clothing and myriads of stuffed animals that my daughters could not part with.  And we shoved all those aforesaid boxes into a small Uhaul and we began the trek across country to our future home in NC.

Perhaps I should mention that we had not exactly found a place to live yet.  Because we are Chez Murphy and that's how we roll.  But my sister in law kindly opened her home to us and after three var var longish days of sitting behind the wheel of my car, staring at the back of Lance's Uhaul, singing each and every song listed in my iPrecious, we found our way here.

Might I also just mention that I have clown hair here in the NC?  Yes.  I am considering dying it so that I have a polka dot afro.  I feel it is culturally relevant to our times.   I had forgotten about the humidity here.

And so, after a brief beach interlude with our entire family, we trekked back to Durham and hobbled and minced our way to many apartment homes (hobbling and mincing because of a dreadful sunburn), and finally, we found our home.  It is a town home.  And while some areas smell suspiciously of cat pee, we have deposited our meager possessions and spread them around.

Then we went to IKEA.

That is a post all by itself.

My entryway is littered with piles of cardboard.

I think I shall stop there.  For now.

*Shakes dust off my blog*

Let us see.  What all has happened since we last chatted?  Let me make a list.

1.  I finished my breast reconstruction.  Yay!  No more visits to the plastic surgeon!  I'm all done!  Also, they told me I'd be all best buddies with them by the end of this process and you know what?  They were right.

2.  What was the final step, you ask?  Tattoos.  Strategically placed tattoos.  Also, I trolled the googles for an image of nipples on a Barbie.  I had to bleach my eyes.  I might never recover.  You'll just have to imagine it, kind reader.  Also, I begged her for stars.  Nay.  Just regular circles.

3.  In preparations for these certain tattoos, I decided on a huge life changing decision.  And that was...to get a real tattoo first.

4.  Therefore, it was on Sunday I went to my local tattoo parlor (that was highly recommended) and was inked by a young artist.  And it is thus:

5.  It's little pieces of dandelion fluff, in case you're looking at saying "Huh?"

6.  No, it did not hurt.

7.  So, that was on Sunday.  Then Monday I got my other two tattoos.  I feel pretty bada$$.  But not bada$$ enough to type bada$$ without the $$.

8.  My hair?  Today I look like Richard Simmons.  Like this:

9.  Not even kidding.  I might have to start looking for some Afrosheen.  And a pick.

10.  I am now home with my kiddos for the summer.   Guess what?  I don't do much here except read and wash the occasional underwears.  I accept my laziness and embrace it.  *yawn*

11.  Also, it's good to make children work, no?  Also, please tell me I didn't complain as much as they do when I was their age.

12.  I am purging my home.  And when I am done, I shall burn give away or sell the pile.  Also, I think arson is a perfectly acceptable choice.

13.  Also, I am going to place some of my large furniture items on Craigslist.  Here's hoping no pervy or weird people respond.  I already get enough Viagra spam in my inbox as it is.

14.  I gave up on my Pinterest challenge.  Perhaps I should shake the dust off my boards and find more things to accomplish over this long and lazy summer.

15.  My children have taken ink pens to their body and drawn themselves tattoos.  Also, they are planning on what to get the second they turn 18.  What have I done?

16.  I am reaaaaally considering sewing like mad this summer and selling my wares.  I mean. there's already nine hundred million people selling felty foods on Etsy, so why not join the party?  Also, I do custom orders, should browsing turn to buying.

17.  I think I need to watch Notting Hill again.

18.  I wonder how many episodes of Disney channel series will my children force me to watch/listen to this summer.

19.  Is it too late to learn how to drink?

20.  Just kidding.  Sort of.

Happy...what day is today?