Oh, I have a blog?

I'm just going to jump into writing this and act like I haven't ignored this blog for like 17 years, k?

It's Saturday and I'm here in the Apple store, waiting on certain persons (read: my husband) to away with me to the food court to eat convenient and fatty foods with our offspring.  To pass the time whilst I wait, howsabout I write you a little bitty list?  You know, for old time's sake.

Keyboard Confessions:  The My Nails are Really Long and it's Hard to Type Edition

1.  It's quite possible that I didn't capitalize something and/or capitilatized something I shouldn't've in that last sentence.  So glad I homeschool.  I want my kids to lurn guud.

2.  I had "the talk" with my daughter last night.  I wonder if it helped and/or didn't help that I laughed for most of it.  I suppose we'll find out in about thirty years when she's in therapy.

3.  But dude.  Her face.  Reacting to what I was saying.  How could I not laugh?

4.  Thankfully, she still thinks it's utterly gross and icky and why on earth would anyone do that ever?

5.  I'm going to keep her away from HBO, MTV and some of ABC Family for as long as I possibly can.

6.  So this summer my high school class will have its 20 year reunion.  Firstly, I shall try var hard not to think about how old that makes me and I'm quite possibly in the middle of my life and the depression sinks me down which is surely why I've lost a half an inch according to the doctor on my last checkup. Secondly, I had a panic attack.

7.  When one has a panic attack, clearly the best idea is to crack open your yearbook and stare obsessively at what you used to look like and pine for the days when you thought you were "fat".

8.  But one bonus- I found a friend whom I have looked around the innernets for years.  Who?  Whom?  Homeschool mom strikes again.  Anyways.  I stalked her and found her and now we are emailing.  It's the little things, people.  Also, I'm quite sure that is what other stalkers say to prod on their stalkery behavior.

9.  Then, I jumped to here on my blog and read just about every post that these fingers have written and tried to read them through the eyes of peeps I went to high school with and I came to these conclusions:

a)  I am drowning in so many colloquials that my 12th grade English teacher would flunk me after reading just three posts.  Alas and that sucks.  Also, Macbeth is rad.  (I wrote that in a paper once.  Yes, I did.)

b)  I talk way too much about having nostril hair problems.  Seriously.  Also, I found itty bitty scissors that help with this affliction.  So.  You fine readers are spared of future nostril hair malady and affliction posts. 

c)  I talk an awful lot about this mystery novel that I am penning.  But really, it just sits here on my computer and I am convinced that all my talk about it keeps me from writing.  It's a theory, people.  Quite as convincing as the lunar landing being a hoax. 

d)  I am way over Twilight and Party in the USA but I bet no one would believe me if I said it.

10.  I recently went to Walmart, aka Fashion Central, and my oldest daughter told me quite plainly that my headband looked terrible and it would be better for me to take it off and I would just blend in with the people around me.

11.  Serious question- have the Hollywood Movie Maker People run out of ideas for movies and that is why we must endure their endless remakes?  Just curious.

12.  If I stand up really tall then my belly kind of sucks in.  I bet you can't guess how I'm standing right now.

13.  I just got a weird look from an Apple worker.  You don't know my life, lady!  Also, I like your intentionally mussy hair.

14.  Man I forgot how hard it was to come up with random thoughts that don't include things like, where's the bathroom and I'm hungry.

15.  This blog is clearly for the Thinking Man.

16.  I suppose it is frivolous that I am proud that my kids know and sing all my indie rock playlist.

17.  Or, am I doing them an important service for when they are adults raising children of their own?  Yes.  That.

18.  My husband is so hairy he makes the sheets have lint balls all over his side.  Guess which side I placed on my bed when I washed and dried the sheets?

19.  I complained.  Then we placed them on the bed upside down.  Yeah there's a tag flapping near my head, but, no lint balls.

20.  Ingenius?  That's why I homeskool.

Have an amazing weekend.