Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Oh, I have a blog?

I'm just going to jump into writing this and act like I haven't ignored this blog for like 17 years, k?

It's Saturday and I'm here in the Apple store, waiting on certain persons (read: my husband) to away with me to the food court to eat convenient and fatty foods with our offspring.  To pass the time whilst I wait, howsabout I write you a little bitty list?  You know, for old time's sake.

Keyboard Confessions:  The My Nails are Really Long and it's Hard to Type Edition

1.  It's quite possible that I didn't capitalize something and/or capitilatized something I shouldn't've in that last sentence.  So glad I homeschool.  I want my kids to lurn guud.

2.  I had "the talk" with my daughter last night.  I wonder if it helped and/or didn't help that I laughed for most of it.  I suppose we'll find out in about thirty years when she's in therapy.

3.  But dude.  Her face.  Reacting to what I was saying.  How could I not laugh?

4.  Thankfully, she still thinks it's utterly gross and icky and why on earth would anyone do that ever?

5.  I'm going to keep her away from HBO, MTV and some of ABC Family for as long as I possibly can.

6.  So this summer my high school class will have its 20 year reunion.  Firstly, I shall try var hard not to think about how old that makes me and I'm quite possibly in the middle of my life and the depression sinks me down which is surely why I've lost a half an inch according to the doctor on my last checkup. Secondly, I had a panic attack.

7.  When one has a panic attack, clearly the best idea is to crack open your yearbook and stare obsessively at what you used to look like and pine for the days when you thought you were "fat".

8.  But one bonus- I found a friend whom I have looked around the innernets for years.  Who?  Whom?  Homeschool mom strikes again.  Anyways.  I stalked her and found her and now we are emailing.  It's the little things, people.  Also, I'm quite sure that is what other stalkers say to prod on their stalkery behavior.

9.  Then, I jumped to here on my blog and read just about every post that these fingers have written and tried to read them through the eyes of peeps I went to high school with and I came to these conclusions:

a)  I am drowning in so many colloquials that my 12th grade English teacher would flunk me after reading just three posts.  Alas and that sucks.  Also, Macbeth is rad.  (I wrote that in a paper once.  Yes, I did.)
b)  I talk way too much about having nostril hair problems.  Seriously.  Also, I found itty bitty scissors that help with this affliction.  So.  You fine readers are spared of future nostril hair malady and affliction posts. 
c)  I talk an awful lot about this mystery novel that I am penning.  But really, it just sits here on my computer and I am convinced that all my talk about it keeps me from writing.  It's a theory, people.  Quite as convincing as the lunar landing being a hoax. 
d)  I am way over Twilight and Party in the USA but I bet no one would believe me if I said it.

10.  I recently went to Walmart, aka Fashion Central, and my oldest daughter told me quite plainly that my headband looked terrible and it would be better for me to take it off and I would just blend in with the people around me.

11.  Serious question- have the Hollywood Movie Maker People run out of ideas for movies and that is why we must endure their endless remakes?  Just curious.

12.  If I stand up really tall then my belly kind of sucks in.  I bet you can't guess how I'm standing right now.

13.  I just got a weird look from an Apple worker.  You don't know my life, lady!  Also, I like your intentionally mussy hair.

14.  Man I forgot how hard it was to come up with random thoughts that don't include things like, where's the bathroom and I'm hungry.

15.  This blog is clearly for the Thinking Man.

16.  I suppose it is frivolous that I am proud that my kids know and sing all my indie rock playlist.

17.  Or, am I doing them an important service for when they are adults raising children of their own?  Yes.  That.

18.  My husband is so hairy he makes the sheets have lint balls all over his side.  Guess which side I placed on my bed when I washed and dried the sheets?

19.  I complained.  Then we placed them on the bed upside down.  Yeah there's a tag flapping near my head, but, no lint balls.

20.  Ingenius?  That's why I homeskool.

Have an amazing weekend.

8 comments:

Marisa Hopkins said...

omg, I'm dreading the talk. DREADING. Although the girls do know about menstruation. They don't know WHY, or anything other that that when Mom is at her super-angry-craziest, her egg is probably coming down. Which is why, when I'm yelling at them, they're like, *raises brows knowingly* "Mom, is your egg coming down?"

*sigh*

Why do we have to have these kinds of talks with our kids?

A God-blessed Woman said...

YAY!!! I have missed your blogging!!! I dread the talk with mine- I am going to make hubby do. :P Don't worry too much about your mystery novel in the works. I have been working on my fantasy novel and a women's Bible Study for years-- seriously, like ten years. (I am only to chapter 7 in one, and am blogging the other...sigh) I really want to be like J.K Rowling and Kay Arthur, ut seriously doubt that is what He has in mind for me and my horrible writing! Anyway-- glad you wrote again! HUGS!

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

I just have to say that I still adore you to pieces. In case you wondered. Not that you sit around late at night wondering if some person you've never actually met in real life adores you... but just in case it's ever crossed your mind, please know I do.

"This blog is clearly for the Thinking Man." Genius.

"Over Twilight." Ha! (Okay I believe you. The magic lessens with creepy imprinted computer enhanced babies.)

Lorraine and Jessica said...

You're as funny as Lemonade Makin' Mama said you are!!! Looking forward to hanging around here : )

Laura@Cowboy Boots said...

hey stopping over from Sasha's bloggy...

as for the talk...oh my ..I told hubs to have it with the boys..he got all nervous...so i had the talk. i kept telling myself..."don't laugh...act normal...it's ok...this is horrible..don't blush...act all cool" so far i've only had the talk with 1 child...i have 6...#2 and #3 are 14 and 12..i really need to suck it up and do it again. deep sigh!

now woman...open an esty shop! i am needing some of those abc letters...need something to keep the small ones entertained! :o)

CT said...

Popped over from Lemonade Makin Mama cause I eyed up those adorable abc letters. I might need a few of those. Are you really taking orders and if you are, how much?? Enjoyed your blog- it made me laugh. Will be stopping by in the future.

CT said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hope said...

So.funny.
Miss you, Kearsie!

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