Keybored Confessions - The Intentional Typo Edition

Every week I sit down and confess some things.  Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list. 

1.  I have exactly one week before I have my very last day of work.  I confess that I'm relieved/sad/scared we'll starve.

2.  I'm thinking of giving up Diet Coke.  I confess each time I cradle and make out with a can of Diet Coke, I croon "I'll never quit you".  Except I might be lying.  Because it's not good for me.

3.  This is just like the Reese's Cup Obsession of 2009.  It was tough and I went through withdrawls, but I did, in fact, quit them.  I confess that sometimes I dream of the silky smooth peanut buttery goodness.

4.  For the very first time, I was asked to guest post on my buddy Vanessa's blog.  It happened this past Monday.  Guess what I did?  If you guessed Keyboard Confessions, you deserve a Klondike Bar.  I confess I never eat Klondike Bars, although I cast them about in everyday conversations.  Also, if you read my guest post, beware.  I use the word "vaginal".  Aaaaand now the pornbots have found me.  Yay.

5.  Recently, a family member made this comment about my post on Monday about The Queen and boogers:

that's gross, but somehow appropriate for your blog.

6.  I laughed and laughed. And then felt kind of sad.  I confess I'm beginning to question the legacy I'm leaving my children. 

7.  Also, if I died today, what would be said in my eulogy?  "Well, she made some good booger jokes."  I confess, this makes me want to take stock of my life.  Maybe I need to throw in some that's what she said jokes, just to mix it up.  Also, my coworker was very surprised I was capable of making a TWSS joke.  Dude, it's not that hard.  That's what she said.  See? 

8.  I wonder if I'll ever be asked to guest post again?  Or interview.  I'm not picky.  Ask me a question, I'll lay it on you. 

9.  Words, that's what I'll lay on you, guttermind.  Or some lotion, because you're ashy.  It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again. 

10.  I confess that I read the book for Silence of the Lambs.  Because the movie just wasn't near scary enough. 

11.  Man I want some Diet Coke.  I ain't quittin you!  maybe.

12.  Ooh!  Guess what? In one month, I'll be sniffing the blue skies of Superior, Colorado!  I'm assuming the blue skies there smell of jasmine with undertones of sugar cookies.  Or really clean air.  One of those two.  Also, you wanna see my new digs?  Of course you do!

13.  You know what else is cool?  I think I get to meet in real life Tristan from The Transient Pod!  I know, she might have a shank or a switchblade or something skeery.  But I have some hand sanitizer so I'm ok.  Also, if she's really scary, I'll just sic my kids on her and they'll kill her with whining and fighting.  Or at least make her ears bleed.  I confess I feel protected by the magical power of bratty kids. 

14.  According to my youngest daughter, she loves me one bar more than my Hubs.  Whatever that means.  I'm betting it's good.  I confess I feel smug typing this. 

15.  I'm going to have to do it, folks.  Pack, that is.  Mostly this is because all our broken down boxes are stacked up next to my dresser keeping me from reaching my underwear drawer.  I confess I'm thinking of just buying new underwear.  I really hate packing.

16.  You know what else I hate?  Radio talk shows.  I confess I feel intellectually boring.  Also, I feel intellectually dumb as I had to look up on the googles how to spell intellectually.  Just kidding.  mostly.

17.  It'll take us a couple of days to drive our moving truck to Colorado.  This is our family vacation.  Guess which route we'll take?  KANSAS.  I know.  I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself.  Also, any of you awesome readers from Kansas?  Anything fun and adventuresome in Kansas?  *crickets chirping*

18.  Apple iPhone 4g.  Yes please.  I confess this makes me feel covety.

19.  iPrecious will be sad.  I shall sit here and cradle and stroke my iPrecious and coo "I'll never quit you".  until i get an iPhone 4g.

20.  I'm feeling ashy.  I rub the lotion on my skin, and sign off until we meet again.

Happy Friday.

Health & Wellness is NOT For Sissies

Hello, dear readers of Sounds Like Tomatoes. Kearsie asked me to drop by and keep her blog warm while she's away. Honestly, I'm a little surprised. The last time she had me do this I wrote about hotel sex. And I'm pretty sure that wherever she is right now, she's blushing.

So my name is Vanessa and other than writing the occasional PG-13 post over at Much More Than Mommy, I'm a wannabe health nut. Hmmm, maybe that's pushing it. Basically, I want to eat less crap and take care of my body more. So I'm working on it. I have tried to cut back on fast food mostly, because that is a huge weakness of mine. I love food that's fast, cheap and easy -- and FYI, "you are what you eat" does not apply. I'm also exercising. I've been trying to walk, sometimes run, and me and my trainer on the Wii Fit Plus are getting to know each other very well. I even noticed that he got a haircut. He did not notice that I was wearing a new top. Rudeness.

Before I began this quest for improvement, I did not consider the risks. That is because I did not know them. All you hear about are the perks -- lower number on the scale, feeling better in general, living longer. Blah, blah, blah.

But nobody told me that Chick-fil-A Chicken Sandwiches were going to turn on me.

One of the things I cut back on was fried foods. But I'm not the type to just go cold turkey and deprive myself of all things yummy, so when I wanted some Chick-fil-A, I had me some Chick-fil-A.

And then I had me a tummy ache.

I thought it was a one-time deal.

I was wrong.

A few weeks later, I had another Chick-fil-A Sandwich. And then a little while after that, I had another tummy ache.

And then I was sad. Really, really sad.

Because have you ever had a Chick-fil-A Chicken Sandwich? It is really, really good. But now it makes my tummy feel really, really awful after I eat it.

And that kind of makes me want to abandon all this health and wellness garbage.

But not really. Because I've actually liked losing weight, having more energy, and increasing my life expectancy. And I'm pretty sure that my family will benefit from these things as well.

So maybe just half of a sandwich once in a while. Just half. I can do just half, right? Maybe just once a month?

I think I need a cookie.