At least it's not the middle of winter, yo.
So. Chemo starts tomorrow. I'll have four treatments. Staggered by three weeks. So, this sister is going to party down come mid-October. Like, buy myself a whole bag of caramels and stash them in my underwear drawer so my kids can't have them. Is that selfish? Also, I did that last year so it really doesn't matter if it's selfish. Also, the caramels will be a nice break from all the Twizzlers I've been downing. Cannot.get.enough.Twizzlers.
My treatments are crazy long. Like, over two hours long. So this sister went to the library today and stocked up on young adult literature/romanctic drivels/sci-fi filled books. Also, when I call myself "sister" I feel nunish. Nunnish? Nunlike? One of those. But like, the Whoopie Goldburg kind of nun. As opposed to the "Climb Every Mountain" kind of nun. Also, I hope I've not offended any nuns.
I got a phone call from an oncology nurse giving me the run down on all that will happen whilst I am on the chemo needle. Basically? It's this:
My body will rebel against me and everything that functions normally will not function henceforth normally and my eyesight might get fuzzy and my hearing might go dim and my joints might hurt and there might be fevers and insomnia and nausea out the wahoo and cats and dogs might marry each other and maybe California will, indeed, drop into the Pacific Ocean and maybe the Breaking Dawn movie will be as steamy as the previews go and anyways, I need to drink a lot of water to prevent urinary tract infections.
I know. I'm so glad she called or else I wouldn't've known what to do when my body fell apart.
Meanwhile, I am applying for small loans to buy school supplies for my kids. For real, people, as much as I love and adore buying school supplies, I'm pretty sure those kids are eating all those glue sticks for snacks and that's why I have to buy so many. Also, I recycled that joke. For all the new people who have just now happened upon me. All two of you.
The squirrel keeps coming back to mock me. So I stopped watering my plants just to spite him. Actually, I stopped watering my plants because it was clear that:
a) these plants are never going to produce anything edible, except to the aphids
b) the squirrel will just eat everything out there and
c) I'm supremely lazy.
Also the squirrel pooped it's little squirrel poops all over my patio.
One might even say, unhappy.
I like not happy better.
That last sentence reads weird.
I did not find a wig yet. Also, is it just me or is shopping for a wig as bizarre as shopping for, let's say, a new foot? "Ooh I like this foot, it makes my leg look longer. Maybe I'll go with the foot with the blue toenail polish. Blue reminds me of Katy Perry. But does it make my other foot look funny? Also, what if it's too hot for this foot? Alas, maybe I'll just buy a new sock."
And that's why I bought a hat.
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