Who Am I?

Well, inquisitive reader, let me answer. I am a wife, a mom and I have chronic bad hair. I like made uppy words and Unnecessary Capitalization. If you know who the guy in the bottom right picture is, you're probably my best friend. Also, I own several Edward dolls which I write about HERE. No, I don't use drugs. By the way, if your love canned tomatoes, visit my stash HERE.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Never underestimate the power of poop

Here is yet again, another blog update on My Exciting Summer of Surgeries.

SO.

I'm slotted for surgery again tomorrow at 7:15 a.m.

The skin where my incisions are aren't getting good blood flow.  Which will cause a nasty infection called necrosis and will not help me.  So my doctor wants to be agressive (be be agressive) and get this fixed stat.

So let's do this thing. 

Of course, when he called me and told me this was in the works, I had a very human moment and cussed quite loudly in my head.

Multiple times.

I might have even thrown the universe The Bird.

BUT.  It's fixable.  I'm hoping.  I have copious amounts of belly skin, thanks to my two daughters and their horrid pregnancies, that gives me a bit of extra skin to work with.  So, for the first time in my life, I am praising God for obesity.  Ish.  It's not a true tummy tuck, but, hey, anything will help.

For three days upon returning home from the hospital, I moaned and groaned and fought nausea and vomiting.  Oxycontin does not agree with me.  I cannot fathom why people would choose to take that drug if they had a choice.

Can we say CON-STI-PA-TION?  Ugh.  My belly was like a basketball.

But thank God my Hubs is a mighty awesome man who loves me.  I know he loves me because he gave me an enema.

Did I mention that I'd also started my period?

Yep.

He loves me.

Also, I'm keepin in real here on the blog.

SO.  New meds will be given and I shall hope and pray and ask the universe forgiveness for The Bird in hopes that my plumbing runs like clockwork and that the thought of food doesn't make me want to kiss the toilet.

Here are some things to pray for, should you be so inclined:

1.  Well, the not dying thing.  Obvi.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about being put under anesthesia for the THIRD TIME IN LITTLE OVER A MONTH.  YES I'M JUST A WEE BIT FREAKED OUT BY THAT.

2.  I am horridly anemic.  It makes me very weak, and once food became my friend again, I started to crave all sorts of meat.  And because me and my body are simpatico and BFFy and stuff, I am giving it all the meat it can handle.

3.  That this new skin will take.  And there's something they put in called Alliderm.  Which, prepare yourself, is human cadaver skin.  And it's in me.  Yes, I'm just a wee bit grossed out by that.  Anyways, that's gotta have blood flow.  So, pray the blood will flow.  Because, I'm not sure what we'll do next if this surgery doesn't take.


I managed to get out of the house today, and dined with my inlaws and kids at Chick-fil-A.  With my four drainage tubes snaking out of the bottom of my shirt, causing me to look like a freak show, I'm sure.  Thankfully, no one gagged at the sight of me, no one pointed to my hairy legs sticking out of my capris, and no one pointed out the Pepe Le Pew stench fumes wafting from my armpits.

I gave a valiant effort last night in the shower (my first one in a week) but try as I might, I couldn't reach my pits to shave or wash them.  I feel like a T-Rex, trying to wash myself.

Alas.

Thank God I live in the Boulder Valley area, where pit hair is as common as perfume in The South.

So.  That's where we're at, folks.  One day at a time.  One procedure at a time.  One bowel movement at a time.

I'll check in next week, assuming I'm mobile and my brain is drug free.

11 comments:

robin said...

good lord girly! lots to pray about! love you and am praying and trusting god has got this all under control..love you :)

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Okay I'm on it. Praying for poop. No wait, praying for blood. I got momentarily confused. How about I just pray for good drugs, little puke, plenty of poop, and blood, and nice skin... Er something along those lines. This might be the most fun prayer I've ever prayed.... well since I was about nine anyway.

Thanks for the update... I was praying for you JUST this am when I put my little Kearsie/Stella and Dot necklace on, and wishing I had a text or something from you. Um... maybe we need to exchange phone numbers so you can text me on occasion when you need to... Hmmm... that could be fun.

Stay strong girlfriend. (that was the height of cheesy, but you know what I mean.)

Beth Zimmerman said...

Well ... Kearsie ... ahem ... praise God for a hubby who loves you unconditionally! Maybe you can train him to shave your arm pits and legs! And I will be praying about the rest of your list! I'd be freaked out too!

From Tracie said...

I'm sending up prayers for blood and poop and skin and iron!

You husband rocks! That is the way to show the love right there!

Patti said...

Kearsie, it's Patti (Ryan's MIL). If ya gotta do the iron, ya gotta get the fiber (had a bout of anemia about 4 years ago due to late of life lady issues) or else it's a crowbar and a prayer. The trick my doctor told me is to mix the fiber in water and sip it with a straw so you don't get the grit in between your teeth. I'm the biggest gagger ever, but it worked and praise Jesus it did. After a while I was so grateful, I just chugged that glass of orange gritty water with my nose held. Prayers going out for you in the morning.

Marisa Hopkins said...

*CANNON BLASTS YOU WITH POSITIVITY*

I totally just cannon blasted you. WITH POSITIVITY. You are in my thoughts about 89.9% of the time, Kears (the other percentages are for desserts - 15%, my kids - 5%, my book - 3.14159265%, my hubs - 20% (he'll get more if he says he loves me enough to give me an enema whilst I am perioding), and cleaning - .000000009%) (also, I have a lot of thoughts, yo. This explains why the total percentages don't equal 100. Also, this might be because I hate math and don't feel like adding them up. Also, did you totally catch how I threw PI at you? Yeah, I totally did that). This is a lot of mentally-throwing-POSITIVITY-at-Kearsie time. Do you feel it?

I <3 U mucho

Morgan said...

Kears, sorry to hear of the complications. Will def send my prayers up for all of the above. Just wanted to let you know done of the tried & true with my patients. For the anemia, drink nettle tea. it raises iron levels without causing further constipation like iron pills do. The other homeopathic for the constipation is to drink senna tea. Some swear by it. You can find tea bags of both teas at any health food store. Otherwise get an over the counter stool softener such as Colace or the generic Docusate Sodium. Take 1 or 2 capsules once or twice a day. Or take Senokot-S (stool softener and laxative) also 1-2 tabs 1-2 times a day. And keep as active as you can. Any activity will help get things moving & keep them moving.

angie128 said...

Praying without ceasing. Stinky pits and all.

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Praying for you, Kearsie!!

Aunt Vam said...

EWWW Cadaver Skin! But thank the person who left their earthly body for others who may need medical assistance! That person is an angel.

I hope you get the blood flowing where you really need it!

I love you bunches!

Katertot said...

Prayers on the way!

Have your hubby go buy you a sponge on a stick - works wonders!

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