*My apologies to any and all people who read this that don't like discussions about breastesses and bosoms and chests and girly doctors. Like possibly my mother in law. I promise to not always write such smut.
It's been...*carries the two, divides square root of a month, subtracts interest and sales tax*...a month or so since I last blogged. Life. She is a busy and demanding thing.
And so much is going on. Not only do I work and feed the kids and wash the underwears, but my body has decided to make some demands.
No, this is not a fetching and catchy way of saying I'm pregnant.
See, I have this issue with my wrist. Aaaaand long story short, it turns out I have rheumatoid arthritis and blah blah have to take medicines and blah blah have erosion happening in the structure of my bones in said wrist and blah blah blaaaaah.
But that's not what this post is about. Clearly. Because, even in my imagination, Bosom Buddies rheumatoid arthritis. Or maybe if it does if I'm influenced by the evil cake and Diet Coke.
So. Back to the topic. The Bosoms.
See, here's the skinny on my body. Long ago, in the wee beginnings of my adolescence, I was generously endowed by the bosom fairies at the tender age of 13. I did not make the walls jealous. I was not called Flat Alice. Nay. So very nay. I was so the opposite. And ever since Landon Hessler shouted to the entire school bus "Kearsie's got boobs!", I've been planning on having breast reduction surgery. Yes, for that long.
But life has a way of tossing me obstacles like having babies and nursing said babies and not having health insurance and being broker than the Ten Commandments to keep such dreams of surgeries from happening.
And so the process has begun.
And, because I'm me, and cannot have ordinary experiences of any kind, hilarity ensues and I must share it with you fine peoples. Have I told you I love you? Nay? Well, I am full of the deep most fondness for you dear readers. All three of you who still read The Drivels That Issue From My Fingertips.
Aaaand moving on again.
So. When one goes to the doctor to pursue a breast reduction, here is what happens. You go, you are told what to expect with the surgery, you speak to the surgeon, you are examined by the surgeon and he tells you "You're a keeper" and has giant googley eyes and throws phrases like **"gigantic mammoplasty" around. Which makes your husband snicker. Then, you go get your pictures taken by a helpful nurse and something like this takes place...
Setting: Nurse's office. You're half naked wearing a purple kimono and the nurse holds a giant camera. You try to act as though this happens all the time and are thus,
About That Mom Who Isn’t There
4 days ago