Oh, I have a blog?

I'm just going to jump into writing this and act like I haven't ignored this blog for like 17 years, k?

It's Saturday and I'm here in the Apple store, waiting on certain persons (read: my husband) to away with me to the food court to eat convenient and fatty foods with our offspring.  To pass the time whilst I wait, howsabout I write you a little bitty list?  You know, for old time's sake.

Keyboard Confessions:  The My Nails are Really Long and it's Hard to Type Edition

1.  It's quite possible that I didn't capitalize something and/or capitilatized something I shouldn't've in that last sentence.  So glad I homeschool.  I want my kids to lurn guud.

2.  I had "the talk" with my daughter last night.  I wonder if it helped and/or didn't help that I laughed for most of it.  I suppose we'll find out in about thirty years when she's in therapy.

3.  But dude.  Her face.  Reacting to what I was saying.  How could I not laugh?

4.  Thankfully, she still thinks it's utterly gross and icky and why on earth would anyone do that ever?

5.  I'm going to keep her away from HBO, MTV and some of ABC Family for as long as I possibly can.

6.  So this summer my high school class will have its 20 year reunion.  Firstly, I shall try var hard not to think about how old that makes me and I'm quite possibly in the middle of my life and the depression sinks me down which is surely why I've lost a half an inch according to the doctor on my last checkup. Secondly, I had a panic attack.

7.  When one has a panic attack, clearly the best idea is to crack open your yearbook and stare obsessively at what you used to look like and pine for the days when you thought you were "fat".

8.  But one bonus- I found a friend whom I have looked around the innernets for years.  Who?  Whom?  Homeschool mom strikes again.  Anyways.  I stalked her and found her and now we are emailing.  It's the little things, people.  Also, I'm quite sure that is what other stalkers say to prod on their stalkery behavior.

9.  Then, I jumped to here on my blog and read just about every post that these fingers have written and tried to read them through the eyes of peeps I went to high school with and I came to these conclusions:

a)  I am drowning in so many colloquials that my 12th grade English teacher would flunk me after reading just three posts.  Alas and that sucks.  Also, Macbeth is rad.  (I wrote that in a paper once.  Yes, I did.)

b)  I talk way too much about having nostril hair problems.  Seriously.  Also, I found itty bitty scissors that help with this affliction.  So.  You fine readers are spared of future nostril hair malady and affliction posts. 

c)  I talk an awful lot about this mystery novel that I am penning.  But really, it just sits here on my computer and I am convinced that all my talk about it keeps me from writing.  It's a theory, people.  Quite as convincing as the lunar landing being a hoax. 

d)  I am way over Twilight and Party in the USA but I bet no one would believe me if I said it.

10.  I recently went to Walmart, aka Fashion Central, and my oldest daughter told me quite plainly that my headband looked terrible and it would be better for me to take it off and I would just blend in with the people around me.

11.  Serious question- have the Hollywood Movie Maker People run out of ideas for movies and that is why we must endure their endless remakes?  Just curious.

12.  If I stand up really tall then my belly kind of sucks in.  I bet you can't guess how I'm standing right now.

13.  I just got a weird look from an Apple worker.  You don't know my life, lady!  Also, I like your intentionally mussy hair.

14.  Man I forgot how hard it was to come up with random thoughts that don't include things like, where's the bathroom and I'm hungry.

15.  This blog is clearly for the Thinking Man.

16.  I suppose it is frivolous that I am proud that my kids know and sing all my indie rock playlist.

17.  Or, am I doing them an important service for when they are adults raising children of their own?  Yes.  That.

18.  My husband is so hairy he makes the sheets have lint balls all over his side.  Guess which side I placed on my bed when I washed and dried the sheets?

19.  I complained.  Then we placed them on the bed upside down.  Yeah there's a tag flapping near my head, but, no lint balls.

20.  Ingenius?  That's why I homeskool.

Have an amazing weekend.

Keyboard Nonsense

Once upon a time, I used to write these lists.  Sometimes they were confessions, mostly they were just inane nonsense.

1.  We put the comforter in our duvet.  So, clearly we are ready for fall.  Us + squishy duvet = like being in the womb again.

2.  I've decided I'm tired of pumpkiny things.  I know, that's practically blasphemous as I just said we are ready for fall.  Me + pumpkiny things = overrated, like the Twilight books.

3.  I'm almost done with the X Files.  Mulder is gone now, idk where he went except I miss his nose and those steamy bedroom eyes he's always making at Scully.  Mulder + Scully = should just get married already.

4.  Quite frankly, I'm tired of watching the X Files, but I'm sticking with it because I will be disappointed with myself for giving up on the last season.  Also, it's quite possible my life is utterly boring and meaningless when I'm not gainfully employed.  Me + no job = Netflix watching blob snuggled under the duvet.

5.  I've learned that my children are complete opposites whilst homeschooling.  For instance, we wrote a letter to a pen pal recently and it went something like this:

Emma:  How little can I write and it still be a letter?  What if I just draw a really big picture of a key at the bottom? 

Addie:  Do you think these five pages are enough?  Gosh, I should add another page, there's nineteen more questions I want to ask.  Do you think this girl will be my best friend?  

End scene.  Emma + school work = meh.  Addie + school work = asks for extra assignments.

6.  Also, one day I had them write haikus.  They thought it was the most pointless exercise in the world.  Clearly they are not my children.  Haikus + my kids = alien language.  Kearsie + haikus = daily talk.

7.  Today in school, we will watch the old cartoony version of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.  Because I just read it aloud to them.  And we're about to finish The Secret Garden, so we'll watch that, too.  School + movies = awesomeness with a side of amazing.

8.  I found all my Edward dolls yesterday.  And inspiration struck, yet I just couldn't bring myself to bust out the camera and blog the inspiration.  Inspiration + laziness = blog death.

9.  I tried to help my nephew with Algebra II a week ago.  Which pretty much meant I looked at his homework, let my eyes glaze over and then I pointed him toward youtube, where you can find anything.  Kearsie + maths = it's not like riding a bike.  

10.  Man.  This duvet is so comfy.  It's really hard to bring myself to get out of bed.   Duvet + comforter = bed glue.

Meow. I'm totally copycatting my frenn.

Have I told you about my friend, Sasha from Lemonade Makin Mama?  Welp, she's pretty awesome.  I'm convinced we'd make excellent neighbors.  Anyways, I lovingly borrowed this idea from her today.  Here goes!

Currently loving... sewing.  Some days we're BFFs and some days I hate it with the passion of a thousand suns.  Lately, we're still friendly.  Ask me how I feel about it in a week.
Currently reading... Crossed by Ally Condie.  And The Fey on my iPrecious.  And soon, Lord of the Rings.  Have I mentioned that I lurve reading?
Currently waiting for... the dryer to stop.  Because, yet again, the dirty underwears need attention.   
Currently excited about... my trip to Florida next week!!  Harry Potter, here I come!!  Woooot!!  Have I mentioned that Butterbeer is the best drink ever??
Currently missing... my sister and her family.  She just had a baby.  A wee squishy little baby that I'm pretty sure needs to be mine.  "I shall call him 'Squishy,' and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squishy."
Currently trying... to sew a corn on the cob.  It is not my BFF. 
Currently working at... making smoothies every morning.  My blender and I are in the acquaintances phase of our relationship.  My goal, to be luhvahs.   
Currently enjoying... that my hair is growing!!  Have I mentioned I look like a boy?
Currently snacking on... granola mix.  There is not much to say about that. 
Currently using... "Day at the Spa" goat's milk lotion from my friend, Dawn.  She makes it herself!  It's awesome!!!! 
Currently wearing... a shirt with missing buttons.  Have I mentioned I'm not altogether that domesticky?  
Currently planning...on sewing a Quiet Book.  That someone will pay me for!  Have I mentioned I love sewing?  Also, ask me in a week how I feel about that.
Currently singing... "Colours" by Grouplove.  Yes I am.
Currently needing... a new pair of jeans.  Tres hard to find.
Currently learning... how to make smoothies?  Ooh, and how to sew puffy corn on the cobs.  Have I mentioned I hate the corn on the cobs?
Currently listening to...an airplane flying overhead.  It makes me hanker for some canned air and Sky Mall magazines.
Currently wishing... I could squish my squishy nephew.  Also, that I would lose 10 pounds, because isn't that what we all wish for?  
Currently doing... a look around my messy room.  Now I'm back to looking at the computer screen.  The screen is much better to look at.
Currently praying for...some new changes about to take place.  I shan't tell you now, no I shan't.  But soon, I shall.  Also, that my corn on the cobs don't suck.  And to lose 10 pounds.  And for my squishy nephew to be big enough to leave the NICU.  And...many things.  
Currently dreaming of... a vacation to Disney World.  Have I mentioned I'm just a big kid?  Nay?  Well, I am a colossal big kid.  Also, I'm sure that's redundant.  Yet, I am not going to change it.  Nay.  


Happy Thursday.    

Happy Year!

I left out the NEW on purpose. I'm not sure what the purpose is yet.  Give me a few minutes and I'll come up with something smarty pantsy.

So.  It's 2012.  The year the world will end, according to that movie with John Cusack.  I am just full of the hope today.

Also, aren't I supposed to list a whole bunch of things I want to accomplish this year?  Well, I love my lists, so I shall play along.

1.  Get out of debt completely.  We are so close, people.  *holds up finger and thumb really close*

2.  Figure out what exercise really means and then do it.  This is not because the December Fatty Me is writing this.  This is the It Keeps Cancer At Bay Me saying this.  It's like vitamins.  That make you sweat.

3.  Finish my little paranormal fiction.  I'm like...this close.  *spreads finger and thumb a little ways apart*

4.  And this is it, people.  The big one.  The real resolution I have made and plan to keep.  Are you ready?  I shall, each month, pick and do a DIY craft project that I find on Pinterest and splash it all over this little bloggywog.

SO.  PREPARE YOURSELF FOR AWESOMENESSOSITY, PEOPLE.  CLEARLY.

And may the rest of the 363 days go smoothly, with no cancer or life threatening diseases, gorgeous hair growing in and smaller dress sizes.

Also, I bought two Christmas presents yesterday for this year.  So, clearly I am seizing control of my year already.

Peace out.