Keyboard Nonsense

Once upon a time, I used to write these lists.  Sometimes they were confessions, mostly they were just inane nonsense.

1.  We put the comforter in our duvet.  So, clearly we are ready for fall.  Us + squishy duvet = like being in the womb again.

2.  I've decided I'm tired of pumpkiny things.  I know, that's practically blasphemous as I just said we are ready for fall.  Me + pumpkiny things = overrated, like the Twilight books.

3.  I'm almost done with the X Files.  Mulder is gone now, idk where he went except I miss his nose and those steamy bedroom eyes he's always making at Scully.  Mulder + Scully = should just get married already.

4.  Quite frankly, I'm tired of watching the X Files, but I'm sticking with it because I will be disappointed with myself for giving up on the last season.  Also, it's quite possible my life is utterly boring and meaningless when I'm not gainfully employed.  Me + no job = Netflix watching blob snuggled under the duvet.

5.  I've learned that my children are complete opposites whilst homeschooling.  For instance, we wrote a letter to a pen pal recently and it went something like this:

Emma:  How little can I write and it still be a letter?  What if I just draw a really big picture of a key at the bottom? 

Addie:  Do you think these five pages are enough?  Gosh, I should add another page, there's nineteen more questions I want to ask.  Do you think this girl will be my best friend?  

End scene.  Emma + school work = meh.  Addie + school work = asks for extra assignments.

6.  Also, one day I had them write haikus.  They thought it was the most pointless exercise in the world.  Clearly they are not my children.  Haikus + my kids = alien language.  Kearsie + haikus = daily talk.

7.  Today in school, we will watch the old cartoony version of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.  Because I just read it aloud to them.  And we're about to finish The Secret Garden, so we'll watch that, too.  School + movies = awesomeness with a side of amazing.

8.  I found all my Edward dolls yesterday.  And inspiration struck, yet I just couldn't bring myself to bust out the camera and blog the inspiration.  Inspiration + laziness = blog death.

9.  I tried to help my nephew with Algebra II a week ago.  Which pretty much meant I looked at his homework, let my eyes glaze over and then I pointed him toward youtube, where you can find anything.  Kearsie + maths = it's not like riding a bike.  

10.  Man.  This duvet is so comfy.  It's really hard to bring myself to get out of bed.   Duvet + comforter = bed glue.

Keyboard Confessions: the employed edition

So it's that time again.  Not time for ladydoctor appointments.  Not time for eyebrow maintenance.  It's time for nonsensical ramblings here on the cyber papers, known as The Blog.

1.  I have had an amazing week.  You're curious, aren't you? Just what happened this week, you ask?  Well, let me indulge you, inquisitive reader.  I am employed.

2.  I've been in training.  And at the end of the evening, I staggered home and attempted to collect the brain pudding leaking from my facial orifices, in hopes I don't forget said training.  Because dude, there's a ton of info stuffed into this here head of mine.  I work for a great company.

3.  And on Sunday? I get to touch cashmere.  It's ok to be uber jealous of me, folks.  I am pretty rock star.

4.  Except, guess what?  I need shoes.  NEED SHOES.  Because this here set of feet of mine are dying.  DYING, I SAY.

5.  Also, give it up for lunch dates with the Hubs.  Sans children.  WOOT.  I wonder how he feels today about sushi?  Or lasagna.  Or an omelet.  I'm not picky.

6.  This morning, whilst escorting my children to their bus stop, I had the most intriguing conversation with an Indian girl about Indian cuisine.  I discovered that my taste buds are still in their baby phase.  I have had nary an exotic dish from the Land of India.  So, my fair and learned readers, what Indian dish should I try?

7.  Keep in mind that I'm a total wimp with spiciness.  I'm sure babies in India suck on dollops of flaming lumps of spicy things, but this here sister cannot handle it.

8.  But you know what this sister can down?  Ice cream.  Yep.  Chocolate and Peanut Butter Baskin Robbins.

9.  My cold is here to live, I think.  Yep, practically setting up a house in my lungs as we speak, organizing a Home Owners Organization.  Mowing the lawn.  Here to stay.

10.  So, one of the best things about where I work?  There are Twilight lovers.  So, I can talk freely about my Edward doll with nary a "ohmygawd, she is cah-razy" look.  Now if only they know about Star Wars, I have found employment heaven.

11.  Also, there's other knitters.  So therefore, I can get my knit on in the breakroom.

12.  Also, I told you I would post self-pumpupedness pictures from crafts I've done.  Well guess what?  I have nary a pic to share.  Try not to hurt yourself breathing in relief.

13.  Maybe pancakes for lunch.

14.  For reasons I've yet to discover, I spent an hour watching videos of removing boils from people's backs.  Also, I'm fairly certain there's bad grammar in there somewhere.

15.  So me and the Hubs have been learning about Henry VIII.  He was kind of a douche.

16.  Also, I've been trolling the innernets to find out of Clarice from Steel Magnolias was correct when she said Anne Boleyn had six fingers.  Any English Tudor smarties out there know the answer to that?

17.  Also, did you know that King Henry had two wives named Anne and three named Catherine (or Katherine)?  I'll bet he got confused.  Probably why he hacked so many of their heads off or divorced them.

18.  Also, I secretly wonder if anyone in England is trolling the innernets to discover the history behind famousy Americans.  Like Madonna.  Or Mitch Hedberg.

19.  Also, I like to eat Kit Kats unless I'm with four or more people.

20.  Also, here's a nod to you Mitch Hedberg fans:  we went to the Cracker Barrels the other day and submitted our name "Dufrane, party of 5".  I'm pretty sure we were the only ones to got that joke.

Have an excellent comedy filled and executionless weekend, my friends.

2009 in Review, or my attempt to garner blog readers

The following are my Top Twelve Posts from the year 2009.

January- I am in deep smit (where I share the love of my flat-iron)

February- Famousosity, sort of (where I find out I am in www.humorpress.com as a semi-finalist for this post)

March- Confessions, now made public (where I post my first Keyboard Confessions)

April- A glimpse into my life as my children's chauffeur (where we discuss bras)

May- What my children hear when I talk (which also was a semi-finalist at www.humorpress.com)

June - The Story of Us (where I have the sap)

July- Adventures with Edward: Edward meets Bella (my favorite Edward post)

August- Keyboard Confessions (Because this one makes me laugh still)

September- I got a pain (Because I still have a pain)

October- My latest dream (Involving nostril hair)

November- What my children ask while watching Lord of the Rings (Self explanatory)

December- The Accidental Cougarist (Where being nice to your waiter pays off)

And there it is. My pics of my top 12 blog posts. Which I'm sure you're just going to get right to reading.

Happy New Year!

Done.

Yes, folks, I'm done. I'm done with the shopping, I'm done with the wrapping, I'm done with the Christmas parties for my kids, I'm done with the baking. I'm done. Bring on the Christmas movies and blankets with my feet propped up on my new ottoman.

Today my coworkers and I exchanged gifts and guess what? I'm the proud owner of TWO New Moon games. Shut up, these are cool. Except guess what? I have no one to play it with. Alas. If my Bestie lived nearby we'd be so playing this TONIGHT.

Maybe Edward and Bella Doll will play with me. By the way, Edward had another adventure. He wishes you a very Merry Christmas.

May your Wednesday be a good one!

Keyboard Confessions

1. It's weird doing my confessions here on the new blog.



2. It's like I'm throwing my first dinner party in my new house and I still can't find the table linens.



3. Guess what? In real life I don't own any table linens. I am ok with this.



4. For my birthday/Christmas, my mom and Gma gave me the New Moon Edward doll, a pack of toothpicks, some dental floss, a tiny crochet hook and some crochet thread. I love that I'm in a family of enablers.



5. Tonight, my 2nd grade daughter will be a Homecoming Princessy person. So proud...*wipes tear*



6. I think I can finally relate to those crazy moms with daughters in beauty pageants.



7. Guess what? One more Christmas gift to buy and I'll.be.done. But don't be too jealous, then I have to finish some knitting. And felting. And then wrapping. And then some baking. Yeah, you're not jealous now, are you?



8. Ever heard of geocaching? It's so much fun. Except guess what? It's not so much fun when it's 20 degrees outside.



9. I super hope I get a Snuggie this year for Christmas. I might even do some geocaching in my Snuggie if I get one.



10. I am about 3 songs away from being Christmas songed out. Also, I'm fairly certain that the DJs who play non-stop Christmas music self medicate. If you know I mean.



11. I have vampire teeth. Or werewolf teeth. Or some kind of monster teeth. Like, my canine teeth are super duper long. Except guess what? I don't like to eat meat much. It's a big waste, I tell you.



12. My Bestie sent me her Edward doll. That is friendship and trust, I tell you.



13. And another Edward doll is on a trip. That is scary, I tell you. What if he gets lost?



14. For that reason, I kept the scarf at home. Because, dude, I'm not knitting with toothpicks for three hours again. Maybe.



15. I lent out all my Twilight books. It was to keep me from sinking into it's vampirey depths again and living in a Coma, but now I miss them.



16. Only my Bestie understands this. That's why she's my Bestie.



17. Remember when I said I was going to not cut my hair for a year? Yeah, I was lying. I'm going to whack it off as soon as humanly possible. Because it is on.my.very.last.nerve.



18. Also, you cannot be cosmetically challenged and grow out hair whilst living/working/shopping, etc. in public. Nay, it's not a good idea.



19. You know Pavlov's dog? How he ate when he heard a bell? Well, I'm fairly certain that as soon as my ears hear Christmas music and those sleigh bells ringing it works like hearing a bell and I immediately start putting on weight. This could be a case study. I could get rich and famousy by doing this case study.



20. Until then, I think I'll snack on these sugar cookies and attempt to fix my hair.



Happy Friday, folks.

My new place is so niiiice

So, you found me. It wasn't that hard was it? Did I give good enough directions? Did you get lost by the Krispy Kreme and the 7-11? Yeah, that's a tricky turn.

I moved, obvi.

Why did I move? Well, just look around! I have an awesome corkboard! And post it notes! And ginormous push pins! And cool buttons you can take and post on your very own blog. All thanks to my extremely talented and smarty pants buddies. So, high fives to Winn and Kim. Sorry for all the tomato stains on your hands.

And, even better-- Edward has his own place. He likes it. It's all dark and mysterious over there.

So, from now on, I'll be here. But you can still find all my awesome drivel over here.

Please visit often, because it's awfully barren over here and it kind of echoes...