Keyboard Confessions: the for old times sake edition

Once upon a time, I used to write these inane and random lists.  It was super fun and therapeutic and then life got busy and I lost my blog mojo so I stopped.  Today, I'm picking it back up again.

1.  I prefer to only wear fun socks.  Fun = patterned and wild
2.  I haven't touched up my toenail polish in about two months.  They are pretty manky looking.  However, I wear fun socks so no one knows.
3.  The lady at the post office knows me now, or really she knows my "That's Sew Rad" return address label thingies.  I feel sort of famousy.
4.  Today in homeschool, it's "Home Ec" day, meaning my kids are doing thorough cleaning.  You know what?  Fractions and finding prepositions can wait.  These kids need to learn how to properly vacuum and clean the toilet.  Priorities, people.
5.  We went to the library and checked out huge stacks of books.  My first thought was:  how much cash do I have in my wallet to cover the late fees because inevitably, we will lose track of one or two of these.
6.  My library is run by thuggy women.  Like, they might have shanks in their pockets.  They look like they've spent some time in the slammer.  It is, after all, Durham.
7.  I've given up on giving up Diet Coke.  I just don't care anymore, people.  Probably you don't care to hear my attempts to give up Liquid Nectar either.
8.  I've decided to make peace with dust.  It can come and live in my house, I won't mess with it.  There's just way more important stuff to do.  Also, see #4.
9.  My girls received Rainbow Looms from their favorite person.  That means there are rubber bands ALL OVER THE PLACE.
10.  Also, they've both given me about 14 rainbow loom bracelets.  It kind of make me miss jelly bands.  And Keds.

Peace out.

Oh, I have a blog?

I'm just going to jump into writing this and act like I haven't ignored this blog for like 17 years, k?

It's Saturday and I'm here in the Apple store, waiting on certain persons (read: my husband) to away with me to the food court to eat convenient and fatty foods with our offspring.  To pass the time whilst I wait, howsabout I write you a little bitty list?  You know, for old time's sake.

Keyboard Confessions:  The My Nails are Really Long and it's Hard to Type Edition

1.  It's quite possible that I didn't capitalize something and/or capitilatized something I shouldn't've in that last sentence.  So glad I homeschool.  I want my kids to lurn guud.

2.  I had "the talk" with my daughter last night.  I wonder if it helped and/or didn't help that I laughed for most of it.  I suppose we'll find out in about thirty years when she's in therapy.

3.  But dude.  Her face.  Reacting to what I was saying.  How could I not laugh?

4.  Thankfully, she still thinks it's utterly gross and icky and why on earth would anyone do that ever?

5.  I'm going to keep her away from HBO, MTV and some of ABC Family for as long as I possibly can.

6.  So this summer my high school class will have its 20 year reunion.  Firstly, I shall try var hard not to think about how old that makes me and I'm quite possibly in the middle of my life and the depression sinks me down which is surely why I've lost a half an inch according to the doctor on my last checkup. Secondly, I had a panic attack.

7.  When one has a panic attack, clearly the best idea is to crack open your yearbook and stare obsessively at what you used to look like and pine for the days when you thought you were "fat".

8.  But one bonus- I found a friend whom I have looked around the innernets for years.  Who?  Whom?  Homeschool mom strikes again.  Anyways.  I stalked her and found her and now we are emailing.  It's the little things, people.  Also, I'm quite sure that is what other stalkers say to prod on their stalkery behavior.

9.  Then, I jumped to here on my blog and read just about every post that these fingers have written and tried to read them through the eyes of peeps I went to high school with and I came to these conclusions:

a)  I am drowning in so many colloquials that my 12th grade English teacher would flunk me after reading just three posts.  Alas and that sucks.  Also, Macbeth is rad.  (I wrote that in a paper once.  Yes, I did.)

b)  I talk way too much about having nostril hair problems.  Seriously.  Also, I found itty bitty scissors that help with this affliction.  So.  You fine readers are spared of future nostril hair malady and affliction posts. 

c)  I talk an awful lot about this mystery novel that I am penning.  But really, it just sits here on my computer and I am convinced that all my talk about it keeps me from writing.  It's a theory, people.  Quite as convincing as the lunar landing being a hoax. 

d)  I am way over Twilight and Party in the USA but I bet no one would believe me if I said it.

10.  I recently went to Walmart, aka Fashion Central, and my oldest daughter told me quite plainly that my headband looked terrible and it would be better for me to take it off and I would just blend in with the people around me.

11.  Serious question- have the Hollywood Movie Maker People run out of ideas for movies and that is why we must endure their endless remakes?  Just curious.

12.  If I stand up really tall then my belly kind of sucks in.  I bet you can't guess how I'm standing right now.

13.  I just got a weird look from an Apple worker.  You don't know my life, lady!  Also, I like your intentionally mussy hair.

14.  Man I forgot how hard it was to come up with random thoughts that don't include things like, where's the bathroom and I'm hungry.

15.  This blog is clearly for the Thinking Man.

16.  I suppose it is frivolous that I am proud that my kids know and sing all my indie rock playlist.

17.  Or, am I doing them an important service for when they are adults raising children of their own?  Yes.  That.

18.  My husband is so hairy he makes the sheets have lint balls all over his side.  Guess which side I placed on my bed when I washed and dried the sheets?

19.  I complained.  Then we placed them on the bed upside down.  Yeah there's a tag flapping near my head, but, no lint balls.

20.  Ingenius?  That's why I homeskool.

Have an amazing weekend.

Keyboard Nonsense

Once upon a time, I used to write these lists.  Sometimes they were confessions, mostly they were just inane nonsense.

1.  We put the comforter in our duvet.  So, clearly we are ready for fall.  Us + squishy duvet = like being in the womb again.

2.  I've decided I'm tired of pumpkiny things.  I know, that's practically blasphemous as I just said we are ready for fall.  Me + pumpkiny things = overrated, like the Twilight books.

3.  I'm almost done with the X Files.  Mulder is gone now, idk where he went except I miss his nose and those steamy bedroom eyes he's always making at Scully.  Mulder + Scully = should just get married already.

4.  Quite frankly, I'm tired of watching the X Files, but I'm sticking with it because I will be disappointed with myself for giving up on the last season.  Also, it's quite possible my life is utterly boring and meaningless when I'm not gainfully employed.  Me + no job = Netflix watching blob snuggled under the duvet.

5.  I've learned that my children are complete opposites whilst homeschooling.  For instance, we wrote a letter to a pen pal recently and it went something like this:

Emma:  How little can I write and it still be a letter?  What if I just draw a really big picture of a key at the bottom? 

Addie:  Do you think these five pages are enough?  Gosh, I should add another page, there's nineteen more questions I want to ask.  Do you think this girl will be my best friend?  

End scene.  Emma + school work = meh.  Addie + school work = asks for extra assignments.

6.  Also, one day I had them write haikus.  They thought it was the most pointless exercise in the world.  Clearly they are not my children.  Haikus + my kids = alien language.  Kearsie + haikus = daily talk.

7.  Today in school, we will watch the old cartoony version of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.  Because I just read it aloud to them.  And we're about to finish The Secret Garden, so we'll watch that, too.  School + movies = awesomeness with a side of amazing.

8.  I found all my Edward dolls yesterday.  And inspiration struck, yet I just couldn't bring myself to bust out the camera and blog the inspiration.  Inspiration + laziness = blog death.

9.  I tried to help my nephew with Algebra II a week ago.  Which pretty much meant I looked at his homework, let my eyes glaze over and then I pointed him toward youtube, where you can find anything.  Kearsie + maths = it's not like riding a bike.  

10.  Man.  This duvet is so comfy.  It's really hard to bring myself to get out of bed.   Duvet + comforter = bed glue.

Keyboard Confessions: the homeschool edition

So, it's Friday, which is the day I normally earmark for random nonsense in a list format.  Sometimes I actually confess things, sometimes I just don't have the energy.  Today might be one of those days where I just blather on about Diet Coke.  We'll see how it goes.

Since I'm homeschooling my two (insert noun indicating person, place or thing) now, I'm going to shake up my KC's a bit and do an alphabetical list (alphabetical list would be a common noun, common as it is not capitalized).  This is what we studied today.  You're welcome for the review.

A - A stands for ABUSE, as in, my children are not allowed to use my Febreze anymore, because they ABUSE IT when they do.  As in, they sprayed my blinds.  I found them dripping wet.  Febreze.  It's not cheap, people.

B - B stands for BOOKS.  As in, my escape from reality.  Which is why I have four on my nightstand right now.  Four.  And am heading to the library for one more which is waiting on me and they will so charge me a dollar if I don't go pick it up before tomorrow.  I know, steep fines, people.  Also, this is the secret life of a rock star.

C - C stands for CONE.  As in, a CONE from Baskin Robbins, which is right next door to us.  Right next door, I say, people.  I'm sure if you cut me, I will bleed Chocolate and Peanut Butter ice cream.  And I'll probably lick wherever you cut me.

D - D stands for DIET COKE.  Which I never buy anymore for the house which means I daily crave that wicked concoction.  Like right now.

E - E stands for ELEVENTY HUNDRED.  As in, I've asked my kids to wash their hands after pottying ELEVENTY HUNDRED times.  They always forget.  It's just gross, people.

F - F stands for FOR DANG REAL.  As in, when I told my mom my kids never remember to wash their hands after pottying she said "that's gross".  And I was like, FOR DANG REAL.

G - G stands for GOOD THINGS THE QUEEN WOULD NEVER SAY, which I think about eleventy hundred times a day and never remember to write down.  I should be making millions with what's in my mind, people.  Some of you are like, huh?  Come back on a Monday, confusified reader.  Or, read my archives.

H - H stands for HIGH ALTITUDE, which is what keeps me from baking crazy awesome bread in my bread machine.  Because we're precisely 9 million miles above sea level which means you have to perform crazy hard Pythagorean Theorem changes to your basic bread machine recipes.  Thus far, I can only make pizza dough in mine.

I - I stands for I NEED A PEDICURE.  Which I'm never going to get.

J - J stands for JELLY BEANS, which we totally got a ginormous bag of one day and ate them all.  Oh yes we did.  Also, I let my Hubs pick out the flavors and that was a mistake.

K - K stands for KNEE IS KILLING ME TODAY.  From sleeping.  I'm officially old.  I get injuries from sleeping.

L - L stands for LUNCH, WHICH I HAVE TO MAKE IN A MINUTE.  These kids, I'm telling you, they do nothing but eat.  It's like they're growing all the time or something.  *eye roll*  Also, this was said tongue in cheek, people.  Don't call DHR on me.  

M - M stands for MY POOR EDWARD DOLL IS SO NEGLECTED.  Seriously, I have no mojo for writing Edward Adventures anymore.  He just lays on my dresser all dressed up in his scarf and no where to go but the library or Walmarts.

N - N stands for NO I'M NOT A HERMIT.  Also, this might be false.

O - O stands for OLD NAVY.  Because we just shopped there and it seemed better to write that than OLIVES, WHAT I NEVER REMEMBER TO BUY AT THE STORE.

P - P stands for PILLOW PET, which is the only thing my daughter asked for her birthday.  The only thing.  Also, I just don't get the whole PILLOW PET draw, people.

Q - Q stands for QUIET, which I never ever get.  Ever, people.  Because I'm never alone now.  Ever, people.  Even on the potty, there's always some dire emergency involving child to child violence or calling poo-poo head.  A closed door means nothing in my house.

R - R stands for READING IS APPARENTLY PUNISHMENT FOR MY KIDS.  Seriously, it's like a game of Let's Make A Deal with my kids getting them to read.

S - S stands for SPACIOUS, which is the opposite of what my kitchen is.

T - T stands for TURRIBLE, JUST TURRIBLE, which is one of my favorite expressions ever and makes me laugh.  Thank you, Mr. Barkley.

U - U stands for UNDERWEAR, which I bought a bunch of recently and am enjoying the "new underwear" phase I've been living in.  If you don't get it...well, I can't help you.

V - V stands for VERY DRY, which is the state of my skin these days.  Probably because I spend most days feeling VERY THIRSTY.

W - W stands for WHEN AM I GOING TO GET A COPY OF MOCKINGJAY?  Some of you, again, are all, huh?  Seriously, people, we clearly don't spend enough time together.

X - X stands for XEROX, because, I can't think what else it should be for.

Y - Y stands for THE YOUTUBES, which I've spent countless hours researching music and videos and tutorials and learning to make high altitude bread machine pizza dough.  I love you, youtubes.  *kissy kissy*

Z - Z stands for um....ZA BLOG, ON WHICH I WRITE SPORADICALLY.  Yes.  Yes it does.

So there you have it, peoples.  Now, I must slap some lunch together, fold some laundry and then make pluck my brows.  Because I live the exciting life.

Happy happy weekendy enjoyment, people.