Keyboard Nonsense

Once upon a time, I used to write these lists.  Sometimes they were confessions, mostly they were just inane nonsense.

1.  We put the comforter in our duvet.  So, clearly we are ready for fall.  Us + squishy duvet = like being in the womb again.

2.  I've decided I'm tired of pumpkiny things.  I know, that's practically blasphemous as I just said we are ready for fall.  Me + pumpkiny things = overrated, like the Twilight books.

3.  I'm almost done with the X Files.  Mulder is gone now, idk where he went except I miss his nose and those steamy bedroom eyes he's always making at Scully.  Mulder + Scully = should just get married already.

4.  Quite frankly, I'm tired of watching the X Files, but I'm sticking with it because I will be disappointed with myself for giving up on the last season.  Also, it's quite possible my life is utterly boring and meaningless when I'm not gainfully employed.  Me + no job = Netflix watching blob snuggled under the duvet.

5.  I've learned that my children are complete opposites whilst homeschooling.  For instance, we wrote a letter to a pen pal recently and it went something like this:

Emma:  How little can I write and it still be a letter?  What if I just draw a really big picture of a key at the bottom? 

Addie:  Do you think these five pages are enough?  Gosh, I should add another page, there's nineteen more questions I want to ask.  Do you think this girl will be my best friend?  

End scene.  Emma + school work = meh.  Addie + school work = asks for extra assignments.

6.  Also, one day I had them write haikus.  They thought it was the most pointless exercise in the world.  Clearly they are not my children.  Haikus + my kids = alien language.  Kearsie + haikus = daily talk.

7.  Today in school, we will watch the old cartoony version of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.  Because I just read it aloud to them.  And we're about to finish The Secret Garden, so we'll watch that, too.  School + movies = awesomeness with a side of amazing.

8.  I found all my Edward dolls yesterday.  And inspiration struck, yet I just couldn't bring myself to bust out the camera and blog the inspiration.  Inspiration + laziness = blog death.

9.  I tried to help my nephew with Algebra II a week ago.  Which pretty much meant I looked at his homework, let my eyes glaze over and then I pointed him toward youtube, where you can find anything.  Kearsie + maths = it's not like riding a bike.  

10.  Man.  This duvet is so comfy.  It's really hard to bring myself to get out of bed.   Duvet + comforter = bed glue.

10-11-12

That is today's date.  You're welcome for pointing out the obvious.  I aim to be helpful.

For fun, here are 12 random things, for your eyeballs' enjoyment.  Eyeball's?  Eyeballs's?  Whatever.

1.  If I'm really lucky, my daughter will break ALL my dishes.

2.  Today I discovered that a butternut squash smells just like a watermelon on the inside.

3.  Just down the road from Chez Murphy is a gourmet cupcake shop.  Not good, people.  Not good.

4.  It is not lost on me that the words "milkshake" and "mistake" are similar.  Yes they are.  And thus, I had a mistake.  This is recycled from my fb.  I am a responsible recycler.

5.  I look more and more Hobbity as the days pass.  Soon, I shall make my trek to Mordor, in search of reliable hair care products.

6.  For Christmas, I made some really awesome things for certain folks for gifts.  But guess what?  I can't tell you because some people reading this will be like, Ooh!  That's for me!  And then when Christmas rolls around they will get something like a knitted scarf and be like, this is lame.

7.  So I'll tell you alllll about it in January.

8.  For reason undetected, I began watching the X Files on Netflix.  All nine hundred bajillion seasons.  I'm on season 7 now and all I can think is, will you two just kiss already?  Geez.

9.  Also, I'm fairly certain that watching the X Files is really just a documentary on the evolution of the cell phone.

10.  Also, I'm fairly certain you could make watching the X Files a drinking game.  Take a drink whenever Scully asks "You ok, Mulder?" Take another drink every time Mulder uses the words "X File" or "paranormal".  I could go on.  But I shall not.

11.  I sure am glad I chose to homeschool my two children.  That way, I get to listen to them fight all day long, as opposed to just the evening.  This was also a recycled fb status.

12.  I do like being a responsible recycler.

Ch-ch-ch-chia!

Normally I eschew the front side of the camera, but today I asked my awesome Hubs to snap a quick pic of me so you fine readers can see the difference a year makes.  Also, I was a wee bit proud that I could finally fit into this shirt again.  So clearly I had to document it.

Today my Hubs called me sexy, so, I must've stopped looking like Screech from Saved By the Bell.

Rock on.

Once upon a time...

...there lived a girl with responsibilities.  Laundry to wash.  Floors to mop.  Fresh veggies to chop for that night's supper. 

And then she was introduced to Doctor Who.  

And she could've cared less about laundry, mopping or fresh veggies.  

Excuse me whilst I head back to Netflix.  

Reporting live from Durham, NC

WHAAAAAAT?

You heard me, folks!  Assuming there are plural amounts of people reading this!

We are now living in the Carolinas.  Specifically of the Northern variety.  Also, I haven't had to use a switchblade yet living here in Durham.  So.

Let me back up a bit.  *insert loud beeping sound reminiscent of large trucks in reverse*

See, the Hubs and I were discussing life and such in late March.  And we decided that our time in the Colorados was at an end and that my Hubs' brain needed more info to cram into it and such.  And that we should move back to the area with which his scholastic career began- er, continued, which is here in NC.  He will pursue his PhD and such.  So we began the process of sifting through the earthly possessions we, erm, possessed, and gave away/got rid of/burned in a bonfire of magnificent proportions most of those aforesaid earthly possessions.  Also, the aforementioned bonfire did not, in fact, exist.  Except in my mind.  For I think that arson would've made this whole packing thing way easier.

We purged.  Not that kind of purging.  The Hoarders kind.  It was tough.  It was cleansing.  I even gave away the first blanket I ever made my daughter.  We also donated an entire trunkful of books to the Human Society thrift store.  I think they shed a tear or two.

It was tough.  Yet we pressed on, and packed many a box of books and clothing and myriads of stuffed animals that my daughters could not part with.  And we shoved all those aforesaid boxes into a small Uhaul and we began the trek across country to our future home in NC.

Perhaps I should mention that we had not exactly found a place to live yet.  Because we are Chez Murphy and that's how we roll.  But my sister in law kindly opened her home to us and after three var var longish days of sitting behind the wheel of my car, staring at the back of Lance's Uhaul, singing each and every song listed in my iPrecious, we found our way here.

Might I also just mention that I have clown hair here in the NC?  Yes.  I am considering dying it so that I have a polka dot afro.  I feel it is culturally relevant to our times.   I had forgotten about the humidity here.

And so, after a brief beach interlude with our entire family, we trekked back to Durham and hobbled and minced our way to many apartment homes (hobbling and mincing because of a dreadful sunburn), and finally, we found our home.  It is a town home.  And while some areas smell suspiciously of cat pee, we have deposited our meager possessions and spread them around.

Then we went to IKEA.

That is a post all by itself.

My entryway is littered with piles of cardboard.

I think I shall stop there.  For now.

*Shakes dust off my blog*

Let us see.  What all has happened since we last chatted?  Let me make a list.

1.  I finished my breast reconstruction.  Yay!  No more visits to the plastic surgeon!  I'm all done!  Also, they told me I'd be all best buddies with them by the end of this process and you know what?  They were right.

2.  What was the final step, you ask?  Tattoos.  Strategically placed tattoos.  Also, I trolled the googles for an image of nipples on a Barbie.  I had to bleach my eyes.  I might never recover.  You'll just have to imagine it, kind reader.  Also, I begged her for stars.  Nay.  Just regular circles.

3.  In preparations for these certain tattoos, I decided on a huge life changing decision.  And that was...to get a real tattoo first.

4.  Therefore, it was on Sunday I went to my local tattoo parlor (that was highly recommended) and was inked by a young artist.  And it is thus:

5.  It's little pieces of dandelion fluff, in case you're looking at saying "Huh?"

6.  No, it did not hurt.

7.  So, that was on Sunday.  Then Monday I got my other two tattoos.  I feel pretty bada$$.  But not bada$$ enough to type bada$$ without the $$.

8.  My hair?  Today I look like Richard Simmons.  Like this:

9.  Not even kidding.  I might have to start looking for some Afrosheen.  And a pick.

10.  I am now home with my kiddos for the summer.   Guess what?  I don't do much here except read and wash the occasional underwears.  I accept my laziness and embrace it.  *yawn*

11.  Also, it's good to make children work, no?  Also, please tell me I didn't complain as much as they do when I was their age.

12.  I am purging my home.  And when I am done, I shall burn give away or sell the pile.  Also, I think arson is a perfectly acceptable choice.

13.  Also, I am going to place some of my large furniture items on Craigslist.  Here's hoping no pervy or weird people respond.  I already get enough Viagra spam in my inbox as it is.

14.  I gave up on my Pinterest challenge.  Perhaps I should shake the dust off my boards and find more things to accomplish over this long and lazy summer.

15.  My children have taken ink pens to their body and drawn themselves tattoos.  Also, they are planning on what to get the second they turn 18.  What have I done?

16.  I am reaaaaally considering sewing like mad this summer and selling my wares.  I mean. there's already nine hundred million people selling felty foods on Etsy, so why not join the party?  Also, I do custom orders, should browsing turn to buying.

17.  I think I need to watch Notting Hill again.

18.  I wonder how many episodes of Disney channel series will my children force me to watch/listen to this summer.

19.  Is it too late to learn how to drink?

20.  Just kidding.  Sort of.

Happy...what day is today?

Update on cancer and such

Ok.  So it's been quite awhile since I shared what's the haps with my cancer and surgeries and junk.  Well, let me make amends.  Also, I must warn you that I will say quasi naughty words.  Like nipples.  Be prepared.  Also, don't look at me, it's embarrassing.

Well my chemo ended in October.  They tell me that it takes several months for chemo to work its way out of your system so therefore, it's only been since this month that I'm probably done with having affects of chemo.  I'm not going to lie, they were no fun.  When your body is poisoned from the inside out, lots of things go to pot.  But cool things are happening.  Like, my hair is growing and my nails don't look all weird and ridgy and junk.

I had implants put in at the end of November.  They were SO MUCH STINKING BETTER THAN EXPANDERS.  Seriously.  It's like my boosies are breathing sighs of relief.  I'm all nice and healed up and feeling quite perky.  The Hubs is a fan.

So the next step:  to get *whispers* nipples.  I know.  So risqué.  Now.  Let me tell you, this part is optional.  I mean, really, having boosies period was optional.  But this is super optional.  So I'll go in next month for a little outpatient thingy where my awesome plastic surgeon will work his magic and create wee nipples for me.  I've no idea how he'll do it and quite frankly, I hope I don't have to watch.  He says he'll do something to do with cutting a bird shape and origami and...whatever.  I've no idea what he means.  I just know I'll wind up with nipples.

Also, I'll keep being poked and prodded and tested and such for any markers that indicate cancers anywhere else in my body.  It's weird, people.  It's like, my body has so many hiding places, you know?  Like, there could be something evil lurking in my liver, or hiding behind my ovaries.  It's like, a really really lame game of hide and seek.

At least, this is what I think about in my dark moments.

But mostly, I am full of the positivity.  Who knew that deep down I was an optimist?  Also, that will probably change.  (hahahaah did you get that?  What I just did there?  hahaahahaha well if I have to explain it to you then it loses it's meaning.  So.)

Another awesome thing happened.  I got a new job.  I was at my cancer center for an appointment in January and boom.  The next thing I know, I am working there!  I'm a Document Control Tech, Sr. which is a super fancy name for scanner.  That's right.  I get paid to stand at a copier and scan in gobs of papers.  I like it.  It's fun.  I mean, aside from all the cancer surrounding me and such.

I should probably explain a little tho.  I get weird looks and some outright straight forward questions when I talk about working at the facility where I go for treatment of cancer.  And you know?  I really can't explain it all that well.  It's a great environment.  I work for a company that works very very hard at making their patients feel at home and safe and comfortable.  It's filled with compassion and empathy and kindness.  Why would I not want to work there?

I did have a wee moment of ohmyGodgetmeoutofhere the other day when I happened into the infusion room where I used to get my chemo treatments.  See, that's where the really good ice machine is.  And so, I was filling my Tervis Tumbler full of crunchy ice when I heard some beeps coming from an infusion machine and it was like I couldn't get out of there fast enough.  And, I'm not gonna lie.  It'll be so bizarre when I come across my own medical record whilst I'm filing paperwork.  But, I'm a big girl and I can handle it.  So there.

So that's what's up.  I'm well.  I'm healing.  I'm growing hair like a Chia Head.  I'm scanning for money.

Happy Wednesday.

Another Pinterest Project! This time, a bleach pen designed t-shirt.

So.  It's time to splash about photos again here on The Blog.

One day, I was spending quality hours searching Pinterest for DIY ideas and came across this awesome one:  Bleach Pen T-shirts!

So I thunk, I can do this!  And so I did.

First, gather your materials.

As you can see, I have a shirt that is 100% cotton (very very important!!) that I found at a thrift store for $1.50, a piece of wax paper, something solid to use as a drawing surface and a Clorox Bleach Pen for Whites (also important!!).

First, some good tips:

1.  In order to do this project, you'll definitely need a shirt or fabric that is natural such as cotton.  It cannot be a 50/50 blend of cotton/whatever.  I'm told it just won't accept the bleach.

2.  Use a fresh Clorox Bleach Pen, and make sure it's for whites.  Importanty.  Also, shake that pen up.  Shake it.  Shake it.  Are you shaking it?

3.  This is bleach, people.  Use ventilation and don't get into your eyeballs and other logicky stuff.

4.  This project takes time.  From start to finish, it was a good 2.5 hours.  So, clearly you can't just rush this thing.  Or, if you do, you'll be shaking your fist at the universe.

Moving on.

So, you've got your stuff all laid out, right?  Like so:

What your eyes don't see, unless you've got X-ray vision, is that I've inserted the mat in betwixt the front of the shirt and the back of the shirt (basically I just slipped it inside on the side I wanted my design) and then laid the sheet of wax paper on top of the mat.  You could probably use a book or whatever.  I just grabbed the first thing I saw.  Also, I'm told you can use Freezer Paper and iron it to the inside of the shirt.  Whatev.  I just used my wax paper because it was handy.  The point is, you don't want the bleach to bleed through to the back of your shirt.

Let us begin.

Actually, wait.  I forgot a key ingredient to this!  You need a design.  So, I trolled the Googles and found a dandelion image that looked quasi-easy to recreate using a messy bleach pen.

And thus, I began.

And there is my design.  This is in the early stages, very wet and very smelly.  I'll tell you that drawing with a bleach pen isn't all that easy.  I noticed that some people used chalk first to make their design and then used the bleach pen over it.  I like to live on the edge like a rock star, so I just went with it.  Some of it looks uber goopy and lumpy, but I figured it would only enhance my design.  I let it sit like this for at least 20 minutes, just to make sure that the bleach would do its job.  I watched an episode of Monk whilst waiting.  You may choose to do something else.

After a chunk of time floated by, I was ready to rinse off the bleach.  I just carefully carried my shirt with the wax paper still inside to my kitchen sink and ran cold water over the design.  Now, here is where I'll tell you that I experienced that the bleach was hard to rinse off so I used a paper towel to help the process.  I tried to work fast so that no residual bleach would land anywhere else.  It wasn't too difficult.

Here is the shirt with the bleach rinsed off.

As you can see, it worked!  I immediately chucked the shirt into a cold wash cycle and then dried it like normal.  I even was bold and daring and just added this shirt to a load that was needing laundering.  Needing laundering.  Those words sound weird together.  Needing laundering.  Needing laundering.  Weird.

Anyways.  Here is the finished product.

BOOM.  Also, I know you're thinking the shirt color looks all weird compared to the other pictures- it only looks that way because I took the first set of pictures at night and the last picture was taken during the day.  Natural lighting.  Way different than light from a lamp.

And there you have it.  My bleach pen shirt with dandelions!

Meow. I'm totally copycatting my frenn.

Have I told you about my friend, Sasha from Lemonade Makin Mama?  Welp, she's pretty awesome.  I'm convinced we'd make excellent neighbors.  Anyways, I lovingly borrowed this idea from her today.  Here goes!

Currently loving... sewing.  Some days we're BFFs and some days I hate it with the passion of a thousand suns.  Lately, we're still friendly.  Ask me how I feel about it in a week.
Currently reading... Crossed by Ally Condie.  And The Fey on my iPrecious.  And soon, Lord of the Rings.  Have I mentioned that I lurve reading?
Currently waiting for... the dryer to stop.  Because, yet again, the dirty underwears need attention.   
Currently excited about... my trip to Florida next week!!  Harry Potter, here I come!!  Woooot!!  Have I mentioned that Butterbeer is the best drink ever??
Currently missing... my sister and her family.  She just had a baby.  A wee squishy little baby that I'm pretty sure needs to be mine.  "I shall call him 'Squishy,' and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squishy."
Currently trying... to sew a corn on the cob.  It is not my BFF. 
Currently working at... making smoothies every morning.  My blender and I are in the acquaintances phase of our relationship.  My goal, to be luhvahs.   
Currently enjoying... that my hair is growing!!  Have I mentioned I look like a boy?
Currently snacking on... granola mix.  There is not much to say about that. 
Currently using... "Day at the Spa" goat's milk lotion from my friend, Dawn.  She makes it herself!  It's awesome!!!! 
Currently wearing... a shirt with missing buttons.  Have I mentioned I'm not altogether that domesticky?  
Currently planning...on sewing a Quiet Book.  That someone will pay me for!  Have I mentioned I love sewing?  Also, ask me in a week how I feel about that.
Currently singing... "Colours" by Grouplove.  Yes I am.
Currently needing... a new pair of jeans.  Tres hard to find.
Currently learning... how to make smoothies?  Ooh, and how to sew puffy corn on the cobs.  Have I mentioned I hate the corn on the cobs?
Currently listening to...an airplane flying overhead.  It makes me hanker for some canned air and Sky Mall magazines.
Currently wishing... I could squish my squishy nephew.  Also, that I would lose 10 pounds, because isn't that what we all wish for?  
Currently doing... a look around my messy room.  Now I'm back to looking at the computer screen.  The screen is much better to look at.
Currently praying for...some new changes about to take place.  I shan't tell you now, no I shan't.  But soon, I shall.  Also, that my corn on the cobs don't suck.  And to lose 10 pounds.  And for my squishy nephew to be big enough to leave the NICU.  And...many things.  
Currently dreaming of... a vacation to Disney World.  Have I mentioned I'm just a big kid?  Nay?  Well, I am a colossal big kid.  Also, I'm sure that's redundant.  Yet, I am not going to change it.  Nay.  


Happy Thursday.    

DIY Onesies, or, the first time I used an iron in like, three years.

So.  I said that I would splash about pictures of crafts that I've done that I found on Pinterest.  Well, HERE I GO...SPLASHING ABOUT!!

My sister is about to have a baby.  Like, literally, she's about to have him any minute now.  A boy.  A wee babe with testosterone.  Thus, I decided to make customized onesies with wittyish sayings.  Because that's how I roll here at Chez Murphy.  With the wit and the saying of the wit.

Prepare for photo splashing.

What you'll need for this project:

1.  Ideas.  Or, you can just steal ideas from other people.  Dude.  It's not like we own the sayings.  Steal!  Steal away!  Also, don't tell anyone I told you to steal.

2.  Fabric Transfer Paper.  Idk why I capitalized all that.  I found my FTP at the Walmarts.

3.  Onesies.  Also found at the Walmarts.  With a coupon.  Word.

4.  Scissors.  For you shall cut and trim and cut some more.  And trim.

5.  An iron.  Which I had to hunt for because I don't do any ironing around these here parts.  That's what the dryer is for.  Also, I just revealed how great of a housewife I am.

Ok, now to get started on Fabulous Onesies With Wittyish Sayings.

First, go on your compy and create the designs you want to use.  Or, get your husband to do it like mine did, because My Hubs is the bestest.  Once you've gotten your designs/sayings/pictures/whathaveyou all ready, print them out on your Fabric Transfer Paper.  HOWEVER, DON'T FORGET TO DO IT AS A REVERSE IMAGE.  OR MIRROR IMAGE.  OR WHATEVER OPTION MAKES IT LOOK ALL BACKWARDSY.  I forgot to do this the first time around and thus cussed in my mind and sat frantically at the computer until My Hubs took over and figured out what to do.  So.  Lesson learned - read the instructions in the FTP which clearly state to make your images reversed.  Moving on.

So once you have your images printed out and they are backwardsy, cut them out leaving a very small margin.  Also, I should mention that I chose the LIGHT Fabric Transfer Paper.  Because I was using white onesies.  And thus, you shall have a pile of cut out images, like so:

The backwardsy look is confusing, I know.  Now you need to get your iron ready.  Make sure there is no water in your iron and the steam option is turned off.  Now heat up your iron for five minutes on the highest cotton setting.  Prepare your surface.  For me, that meant sponging off all the crumbs and whatnot stuck to my table.  Then I laid a towel on the table as my ironing surface.  The instructions say not to use an ironing board.  Idk why.  It's a mystery.

Now is a good time to get a helper.  This is mine.

She got bored pretty quick, though.  Not helpful at.all.

Now that your iron is all hotty hot hot, iron your towel.  To rid the towel of creases.  Now, iron your onesie or tshirt or whathaveyou.  Now your surface is ready for Witty Saying Or Image Placement.  Like so:

You place your image where it is on the fabric and where it's not showing all backwardsy anymore.  Get it?  Once all centered and such, iron that bad boy.

Have I told you how difficult it is to iron and take a photo all at the same time?  Nay?  Well.  Take my word for it.  Word.

Iron iron iron.  The instructions tell you how long.  I did it for around 45 seconds.  In smooth movements, emphasizing the corners.  OOH- I forgot to mention, when you cut out your images, make the edges rounded.  This prevents the edges not adhering and whathaveyouandthings.  So.  Now that your image is all ironed on your fabric, let that cool off for a couple of minutes.  While one was cooling, I was repeating all these steps with the next onesie.  I am practically as organized as Martha Stewart, I tell you.

Once your fabric is all cooly cooled, you are ready to begin peeling.  I just began slowly peeling away one corner of the ironed on image.  It's not rocket science.

Slow slow slooooowwww.  It's not a race.  Also, that scratch on my hand?  From a tree at work.  Christmas is dangerous, I tell you.

Now, your transfer paper backing is peeled off.  Voila.

Boom.  You're done.

Here are all my finished onesies.

And there you have it.  DIY Customized Baby Onesies With Awesome Wittyish Sayings.  Also, can you tell my family is heavily influenced by Apple?

Happy Year!

I left out the NEW on purpose. I'm not sure what the purpose is yet.  Give me a few minutes and I'll come up with something smarty pantsy.

So.  It's 2012.  The year the world will end, according to that movie with John Cusack.  I am just full of the hope today.

Also, aren't I supposed to list a whole bunch of things I want to accomplish this year?  Well, I love my lists, so I shall play along.

1.  Get out of debt completely.  We are so close, people.  *holds up finger and thumb really close*

2.  Figure out what exercise really means and then do it.  This is not because the December Fatty Me is writing this.  This is the It Keeps Cancer At Bay Me saying this.  It's like vitamins.  That make you sweat.

3.  Finish my little paranormal fiction.  I'm like...this close.  *spreads finger and thumb a little ways apart*

4.  And this is it, people.  The big one.  The real resolution I have made and plan to keep.  Are you ready?  I shall, each month, pick and do a DIY craft project that I find on Pinterest and splash it all over this little bloggywog.

SO.  PREPARE YOURSELF FOR AWESOMENESSOSITY, PEOPLE.  CLEARLY.

And may the rest of the 363 days go smoothly, with no cancer or life threatening diseases, gorgeous hair growing in and smaller dress sizes.

Also, I bought two Christmas presents yesterday for this year.  So, clearly I am seizing control of my year already.

Peace out.