Keybored Confessions - The Intentional Typo Edition

Every week I sit down and confess some things.  Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list. 

1.  I have exactly one week before I have my very last day of work.  I confess that I'm relieved/sad/scared we'll starve.

2.  I'm thinking of giving up Diet Coke.  I confess each time I cradle and make out with a can of Diet Coke, I croon "I'll never quit you".  Except I might be lying.  Because it's not good for me.

3.  This is just like the Reese's Cup Obsession of 2009.  It was tough and I went through withdrawls, but I did, in fact, quit them.  I confess that sometimes I dream of the silky smooth peanut buttery goodness.

4.  For the very first time, I was asked to guest post on my buddy Vanessa's blog.  It happened this past Monday.  Guess what I did?  If you guessed Keyboard Confessions, you deserve a Klondike Bar.  I confess I never eat Klondike Bars, although I cast them about in everyday conversations.  Also, if you read my guest post, beware.  I use the word "vaginal".  Aaaaand now the pornbots have found me.  Yay.

5.  Recently, a family member made this comment about my post on Monday about The Queen and boogers:

that's gross, but somehow appropriate for your blog.

6.  I laughed and laughed. And then felt kind of sad.  I confess I'm beginning to question the legacy I'm leaving my children. 

7.  Also, if I died today, what would be said in my eulogy?  "Well, she made some good booger jokes."  I confess, this makes me want to take stock of my life.  Maybe I need to throw in some that's what she said jokes, just to mix it up.  Also, my coworker was very surprised I was capable of making a TWSS joke.  Dude, it's not that hard.  That's what she said.  See? 

8.  I wonder if I'll ever be asked to guest post again?  Or interview.  I'm not picky.  Ask me a question, I'll lay it on you. 

9.  Words, that's what I'll lay on you, guttermind.  Or some lotion, because you're ashy.  It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again. 

10.  I confess that I read the book for Silence of the Lambs.  Because the movie just wasn't near scary enough. 

11.  Man I want some Diet Coke.  I ain't quittin you!  maybe.

12.  Ooh!  Guess what? In one month, I'll be sniffing the blue skies of Superior, Colorado!  I'm assuming the blue skies there smell of jasmine with undertones of sugar cookies.  Or really clean air.  One of those two.  Also, you wanna see my new digs?  Of course you do!

13.  You know what else is cool?  I think I get to meet in real life Tristan from The Transient Pod!  I know, she might have a shank or a switchblade or something skeery.  But I have some hand sanitizer so I'm ok.  Also, if she's really scary, I'll just sic my kids on her and they'll kill her with whining and fighting.  Or at least make her ears bleed.  I confess I feel protected by the magical power of bratty kids. 

14.  According to my youngest daughter, she loves me one bar more than my Hubs.  Whatever that means.  I'm betting it's good.  I confess I feel smug typing this. 

15.  I'm going to have to do it, folks.  Pack, that is.  Mostly this is because all our broken down boxes are stacked up next to my dresser keeping me from reaching my underwear drawer.  I confess I'm thinking of just buying new underwear.  I really hate packing.

16.  You know what else I hate?  Radio talk shows.  I confess I feel intellectually boring.  Also, I feel intellectually dumb as I had to look up on the googles how to spell intellectually.  Just kidding.  mostly.

17.  It'll take us a couple of days to drive our moving truck to Colorado.  This is our family vacation.  Guess which route we'll take?  KANSAS.  I know.  I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself.  Also, any of you awesome readers from Kansas?  Anything fun and adventuresome in Kansas?  *crickets chirping*

18.  Apple iPhone 4g.  Yes please.  I confess this makes me feel covety.

19.  iPrecious will be sad.  I shall sit here and cradle and stroke my iPrecious and coo "I'll never quit you".  until i get an iPhone 4g.

20.  I'm feeling ashy.  I rub the lotion on my skin, and sign off until we meet again.

Happy Friday.

Keyboard Confessions - the training edition

Every week I sit down and confess some things.  Mostly it's just an excuse to write a list.

1.  Man, it's been a loooooong week.

2.  I'm training my replacement.  Guess what?  I think she already knows more than me.  So, it's pretty easy. 

3.  I'm also packing.  Guess what?  I hates it.  So, it's pretty miserable.  This is what our house looked like for one horrible day:

4.  I came home from work to find my Hubs and kids hard at work sorting through toys to pack and/or throw away.  I walked in the door and had a mini panic attack.  Hubs promptly shooed me out of the room because he could see the breakdown henceforth on it's way.  Thankfully, the house did not have to burn down to take care of the mess.  Nor did I die from hyperventilating.

5.  I haven't been able to waste time on the computer like normal, you know, because my replacement needs to be impressed by my knowledge and prowess of the Legal World and such, and not my ability to multitask on facebook.  I wonder if I'm missed in my online life.  *cue the we miss you, Kearsies*

6.  Also, I've been busy doing fun stuff like this:

Kindergarten graduation

7.  Also, I was the weepy mom in the second row.  Also, my lunar cycle did not help matters.  IfyouknowwhatImean.

8.  Also, about 2 hours before graduation I realized that my poor daughter had no shoes to wear.  So I was the frantic woman in Walmart shoving my daughter's feet into shoes. 

9.  Also, see those sandals she's wearing in the photo?  She's not stopped wearing them since Tuesday. 

10.  Also, those shoes were from Kmart.  So I was the frantic woman driving at breakneck speeds.

11.  Also, I suspect I use the word also too much.  Alas.

12.  For one day, I want to talk like Emma Pillsbury, the guidance counselor on Glee. 

13.  Most of you have no idea what I'm talking about.  The few who do are pursing their mouth attempting to talk like her too.

14.  Also, I agree with Sue and Will Shuester does use too much mousse.

15.  Speaking of all this Glee, I love this song for this week's offering to Get Your Freak On Friday, hosted by Transient Pod.

16.  It's not a terribly nice song, but I sure love it anyways.  

17.  LOST shows it's last episode on Sunday, right?  I dunno if my questions shall be answered, but I'll bet you 50 bucks that Jack Shephard cries.  Because he cries in every.single.episode. 

18.  Dale's sauce on your burger.  That's all I'm saying.

19.  Ok, that's a lie, because I still have a couple more things to say.  So it's just one of the many things I'll say.

20.  I tried wine again.  It was still sicknasty. 

Happy Friday.