I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...dee del dee dee

Ok.  Mildly inappropriate.  Seeing as how I'm referring to my boosies.

So.  Shall I give you a glimpse into Chez Murphy and all it's glorious goings on?  Well, if you insist...

I shall type it in a list format.  For I miss my lists.

1.  I've had two "fills" in my expanders and it feels like I'm wearing a coconut bra.  Seriously.  These things are hard as rocks.  Well, rocks covered in flesh.  And I still have a billion more fills to go.

2.  A few days ago I discovered how to lay on my side in bed at night.  This was a joyous occasion seeing as how I was using borderline profanity at night, trying to find a comfortable position.  It only takes me five, maybe six pillows.  It's like I made a nest.  But I can sleep, so, I shall nest away.

3.  I amend that previous statement- I can sleep...if I take sleeping pills.  I am beginning to feel like a junkie.

4.  I have to start chemotherapy.  Whoa!  I just dropped that bomb in there!  That's the way I roll here at Chez Murphy.  Dropping bombs.  And participles.

I was unprepared for that little snippet of news.  But, given my age (35) and what they now think is the size of my tumor (2.7 cm), chemo is a no-brainer.  It makes the chance of reoccurrence from being 37% to 13%.  And I'm here to tell you, I will do practically anything to avoid going through this again.

Because my good attitude?  Has practically dried up.  I admit it.  I am borderline surly now.  Thank goodness you only have to read my drivels, let alone sit in the same room as me whilst I stew on my immediate future.

Also, bonus!  I will lose my hair!

Yes, that was said with smidgens of surliness.  I admit it.  I've not come to grips with being bald.  Or being eyebrowless.  Or eyelashless.   Also, my spell checker thingy is hating me.

There is something very strange in knowing you're allowing literal poison into your body, which will kill all fast growing cells, all for the hope that if any remaining cancer lingers in some tiny corner or closet in my liver, it will be killed.  It's a very bizarre reality.

5. We had family here.  There were 12 peoples in my apartment.  I'm happy to say the floor remained intact and didn't cave in on the folks living downstairs.  We had a great time, driving through the national parks of The Coloradoes, eating at just about every restaurant here, watching the five Tim Hawkins videos my besties on FB sent me, to keep me from slitting a wrist whilst recovering from my copious surgeries.  They were excellent therapy.

6.  A squirrel ate my strawberry plant.  We'd only harvested 6 berries from it.  Which means I paid approximately $10 for 6 strawberries.  I pretty much hate any and all squirrels and wish for their immediate death.

7.  We saw Harry Potter.  My brain was mostly drug free and I didn't trip out, as opposed to seeing the new Transformers right after taking a narcotic.  THAT was a Woodstock experience, I'm pretty sure.  I kept staring at the screen and thinking, is this real?  Trippy.  But back to HP.  There was only one scene that bothered me, which I smugly turned to my Hubs and said haughtily, "THAT'S not in the book."  And he called me out on my book purist pride.  I don't care, I was busy eating my smuggled in Twizzlers.

8.  Someone turned up the thermostat outside.  Hence why I shall not be buying a wig.  It is dadgummed hot outside.

9.  IKEA opens in two days.  We are so there.  If nothing else but for the meatballs.  Because this sister is craving meat.

10.  I did my own laundry the other day.  It felt so normal.  To think I used to complain about doing laundry.  And tonight?  I shall cook my first meal in practically a month.  Normalcy feels very good.

Eat a popsicle for me, so I can feel cool.  Also, that is a double meaning.  Also, I'm pretty sure it's worthless as I had to explain it.  Alas.

A surgery-less Friday is a great Friday, especially when Harry Potter is on the agenda

I've done what I can to prepare myself for the awesome eye-filling wonderous event called Harry Potter.

I plodded through Book 7 this week, despite the copious amounts of narcotics filling my brain.  I watched the DVD, including missing scenes, even tho the DVD makes tiny departures from the actual book.  I've got my movie outfit all lined up.  I might even buy some Twizzlers and smuggle them in.  Because I must have Twizzlers.

Today is also the day when, God willing, I'll get my final set of drains removed and therefore allowed to sleep in a horizontal position for the first time in (carries the one, divides by Ibuprofen, multiplies by bandaids) over two weeks.  Sleeping sitting up is the pits.  I'm fairly certain there's bad grammar in there somewhere.

Speaking of pits, I showered by myself for the first time in two weeks.  My pits?  Might never recover.  I tried to shave them.  But alas, a dull razor and lots of armpit hair are not friendly.  This is more than you want to know, isn't it.  Alas.

I miss my sheets.  I miss my comfy bed.  I even miss the hole in the egg crate pad by my left foot where I tugged on it too hard and ripped a chunk off.

I also aim to fold and put away some laundry and then...wait for it...CLEAN THE BATHROOM.

It's like hiking Mt. Fuji.  Is that a real mountain?  My drugs are meddling with my brain synapses.  That bathroom is so dirty I'm sure one of those TLC programs could come in and film it.  It's sicknasty.

Also, my kitchen counter looks like a pharmacy, so I really must consolidate and put away all those thingies...what are they called?  The things pills come in?

*shakes head to clear the fuzzies*

I also really must apply lotion.  I put the lotion on my skin or else I gets the hose again.

No seriously.  I really need lotion.  I am like, flaking away.  Remember that sunburn I had a few weeks ago.  Well.  No more.

My in-laws drove up to help us and then last week my poor mother in law fell and broke her foot.  Have I mentioned our last name is Murphy and there's a law written about us?  Yes.  So this week I've been on my own.  With my seven year old to take care of me.  She makes a mean pb&j.

I think I shall stop here.  Before The Drugs cause me to say something embarrassing.

Peace out.

Dude. So far behind on everything. AKA Days 12-16.

Well.  It seems that I'm not Superwoman.  And that's not because I don't have a red cape with matching tights.  I can't do it all.  And thus, am very far behind on many things, the least of which my poor daughter had to wear dirty jeans to her field trip.

NaNoWriMo:  So far behind on my writing that I'm contemplating bagging the whole thing.  Or, maybe I'll just aim for 40K words and be happy that I didn't lose my mind.

South Beach Diet:  We ended our two weeks of Phase One.  Both my Hubs and I made it through, unscathed, with a combined weight loss of 25 pounds.  12 of those were mine.  Not too shabby for just 2 weeks of paying attention to what I stuck in my mouth and avoiding carbs like they were covered in rat poison.

Now we're on to Phase Two.  Which is the really long portion of this whole shebang.   It's where we begin to reintroduce starches and carbs and fruit and yummy stuff back into our diet.  And I'm trying to not panic as I roam the aisles at the grocery store, planning each meal so we don't puff up like puffer fish because I fed us the wrong kind of rice.

I shall not be talking much about SBD anymore (much to my and your relief, I'm sure) because I'm kind of sick to death of talking about it.

Harry Potter:  Heading to my local theater this Friday morn to watch this epic movie that I'm quite sure is the best thing ever.  And then I'm eating a piece of cake.  Shut up.  Yes I am.

The End.

Keyblahboard Confessyadayadasions

Snazap.  It's that time again.  Time for me to sit down and entertain your eyeballs with my Keyboard Confessions.  Get ready.  Also, drink some caffeine.

1.  One thing I love about Halloweenish times are the scary movies.

2.  Like, I'm trying to decide sitting here all by my lonesome should I watch The Sixth Sense or Paranormal Activity?  Both are on Netflix Instant Queue.

3.  I'm totally not going to be scared.  Because I'm all adultlike and maturish.  Also, I've got pillows to hide behind.

4.  Except, I just heard a noise outside my window.  Dude.

5.  Ok, if I sit here and pretend I'm dead, maybe it'll go away.

6.  Also, dead people can type on their computers, it's the stuff shows like Ghost Hunters are made of.

7.  Man.  I'm super hungry.  Go away, ghosty person!  I need to make some Top Ramen!  So what if it's only 10:00 in the morning!

8.  Ack!  I just heard a sound!  Oh wait.  It's just my dryer turning off.

9.  Now I must do laundry.  That's truly scary, people.

10.  Equally as scary is the skillet on my stove from two nights ago with scrambled egg remains.

11.  Having lunch with my Hubs today.  I'm thinking Mexican.

12.  I'm wondering how I can include cake into today's lunch.

13.  I love cake.

14.  Speaking of love and cake, because I love you precious readers, I'm going to share with you the best thing I've read all month.  Prepare yourself.  It's all about cake.  Thank you, Marisa, for sharing this with me!!

15.  Are you dead with laughter?

16.  I Skyped today with Marisa.  I'm so glad I didn't pick my nose online.

17.  I'm reading Harry Potter, The Deathly Hallows, to prepare myself for the awesomeness of Part One of the movie coming out next month.  I cast myself at the genius feet of J.K. Rowling.  Ms. Rowling, should your genius eyeballs ever lay themselves on my humble blog, you're awesome.  Seriously.

18.  I've already planned a date for next month with my Hubs.  Care to know what I've planned?  Of course you do.  First, a rib dinner.  Because it's my one splurge of the month.  Second, pumpkin cheesecake.  Because it's amazeballs.  And then, The Deathly Hallows.  You're all welcome to join me on my date, should you want to partake of the awesomeness I've planned.  Also, I just need to let my Hubs know.  Also, it's Dutch treat.  Because um, just because.

19.  Looking for a haircut.  I'm tempted to see what I can accomplish in my bathroom with my knitting scissors.

20.  Caaaake.

Happy Friday.