Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I could be all professionalish and just ignore it. I could plow right through. I could pull something witty and interesting from the bowels of the youtubes.
But I shan't today.
Today I shall just post something I've posted before. No, it's not the video of "Party in the USA". You can quit rolling your eyeballs. Besides, I've already posted that like, idk, 47 times already. Don't even act like you don't get excited when it's on the radios.
So. For you, my friends. Especially those who suffer from The Block.
I need a Cure.
“OK, Kearsie, what seems to be the problem?”
“Well, Doctor, it’s my writing. Every time I sit down to write, I freeze.”
“Hmm. Have you tried wearing gloves? I hear Isotoners work wonders.”
“Erm, no. Not that kind of freeze. I mean, I can’t write anything.”
“Sounds like a clear case of illiteracy. There are programs at the local school that can cure that in a few months, if you’ll dedicate yourself to hard work and--”
“No, that’s not what I mean either! Sigh. What I mean is, I don’t know what to write or how to write-er, no, scratch that last part. I know how to write just fine.”
“So, you mean you don’t know what to write. Do you write…words?”
“Are you kidding me? Of course I write words. I write lots of words. Some big words, some small words, silly words like discombobulate or vaginal or--”
“Kearsie, I don’t understand. You say you can’t write but it seems that indeed, you can.”
“Well, what I mean is, I can’t write anything…funny.”
“I see. Hold out your arm, please.”
“Yes. Now, bend it to a 38 degree angle. No no, that’s 57 degrees. Bend it just a little more.”
“Ok, like this?”
“Yes, let me just take a look. Mm hmm, mm hmm. I see the problem. It’s a sprain on your funny bone. It happens all the time. I suggest you read two of these and call me in the morning if you’re not better.”
“Ok, that sounds easy enough. Thanks, Doc…Well, can I take off this paper dress?”
“Erm, that’s not an examination gown. It’s a wad of paper towels I used to wipe up my spilled coffee.”
Monday, March 29, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
1. Remember my rock star nails? Still flaky. I feel 15 again.
2. Guess what? It's Friday. And you know what Friday is all about? Other than paychecks (woot woot! Give it up for paychecks!)? It's all about this:
"Motorin, what's your price for flight in finding Mr. Right? You'll be allright tonight..."
5. I'm pretty sure Night Ranger was just finding a bunch of rhyming words for flight. It makes for a nice respite. I shan't pick on them in spite. But that hair is like Superman's Kryptonite.
6. Also, I think the hole in the ozone layer is from fumes of all those perms. But, it could've been worse. I could've chosen an REO Speedwagon song. The poor 80's. A decade of bad hair choices.
7. Also, I have no room to talk. See Exhibit A:
11. Also, anyone else just waiting to get the flu from this crazy weather?
12. Also, I still don't own a Snuggie.
13. Guess what? After years of farm life, we finally have INNERNETS AT HOME!!
14. Most of you are like, big whoop. It is indeed a big whoop! It's like the invention of water! It's like the first time a light switch was used! It's like that time I knitted my Edward doll a scarf! It took forever for us to get the innernets!!
15. Also, now I'll never get anything done.
16. Ok, LOST fans, shall we prepare our letters of disgust now? Because not many of my questions are being answered.
17. It's crack. It's TV crack.
18. I've decided my Weird Black Glove Incident is reminiscent of that movie Serendipity. Please, somebody find me my John Cusack Matching Glove. Or a five dollar bill. Or the book Love in the Time of Cholera. This could be kind of exciting. Have you seen a lone glove anywhere? Send me pictures! Or some black cashmere gloves. I'm not picky.
19. Oh, how about one more for the road?
Thursday, March 25, 2010
My dear friend, Kelliegirl!!
You know, Kellie and I were cheerleaders together. And we had crushes on boys together. And she taught me to eat shelled shrimp. I can't thank her enough for all the amazeballs memories we have.
Congratulations! And thanks so much to DapperPaper being a part of this giveaway!!
*cue the DUH DUH DUUUUMM*
I saw something in my purse.
I haven't a clue how it got there.
I'm sure I didn't place it in there.
I'm sure we don't even own this. Or the other thing that goes with it.
Forgive me, I'm speaking cryptically. It's because my mind is broken. Let me show you.
See, I have this big purse, right? And, it accumulates a lot of stuff. Just normal rock star lady blogger stuff. Normal. Harmless. I'll show you.
See? Normalish stuff.
*A couple of pens
*a pack of Kleenex
*a thumbdrive containing one lone chapter of a book
*some allergy pills
*my blood pressure meds (waaahhhhh)
*my check book
*a deposit slip
*two bottles of hand sanitizer
*two bottles of lotion
*two Dum Dums to
*the case to my Sarah Palin glasses
*a gum wrapper
*two packs of gum
*my camera cord
*a power cord for the car for my iPhone (not pictured)
*a stand for my iPhone
*a black glove
*a tennis ball
I know what you're thinking. Because I'm 78% psychic. You're thinking, "Whoa. Back up. TWO packs of gum??" Look, I appreciate the power of good breath, ok? Also, that tennis ball is for me to sit on. For the pain in my butt. Sciatica. From having babies. It works. Yes, it's weird.
Also, you're missing the most important part.
WHERE THE CRAP DID THAT COME FROM?
I DIDN'T PUT IT THERE!!
I DON'T EVEN OWN A BLACK GLOVE! MY GLOVES ARE BROWN! AND WAY CUTER THAN THIS ONE!
I must find the culprit. I must find the culprit and pinch his underarm. Because now I am suspicious. And might need to bury this glove. Also, this is just what OJ felt like.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I'm 34. And I have high blood pressure.
When I was 24, and I thought forward to where I would be in 10 years, I didn't think I'd be:
b) dealing with high blood pressure
c) still clueless about how to have good hair
d) an awesome blogger
So, clearly my silver lining is still there. I'm coping.
But now that I'm on the meds (waaaahhhh) for the BP, we're buckling down and taking names. Of foods. And their caloric contents.
And you know what? It's not that hard. I know, I'm surprised too. Because if I counted up the number of times I tossed my hands in the air like a wilted salad and exclaimed "this is too hard!", well, I'd just have a mess of giving-up statements littered around me like brown lettuce.
It's kind of neat, this whole paying-attention-to-what-we-eat thing. I suppose it's a novelty. Like, the other day, we dined at Chick-Fil-A. Despite my Floridian friend, Vanessa, who recently guest blogged here and wrote her take of Chick-Fil-A, we eat there a lot. A Lot. For one, because it's so darn tasty. Another, because the kids can play in the Petri Dish Known As The Playground. And finally, because they have a pretty thorough nutritional guide, which is ever so helpful on this thing known as Weight Loss. Also, we don't get the poops.
And you know what I found? I discovered that previously, I was racking up like, 200-300 extra calories alone just by using this:
You know, you can throw a rock and hit a blog that is also talking about weight loss today. And that's good. Because it means that one more person in the world is paying attention to their health and fitness and might be hoping to live one more day longer, walk their kids down the aisle, hold their grandbabies, see them walk down the aisle. And we're all on this wagon together. And the ride is bumpy. And the road is long. But it's nice to have the company.
So my question today, sweet and precious reader, are you too on this journey? What is working for you?
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
1. Today I go to the doctor. This is about as much fun as getting my taxes done. Which, guess what? I get to do that on Saturday. All I need now is for all my teeth to fall out or my cars to explode and my weekend shall be complete.
2. Also, when I made my doctor's appointment, I didn't realize it would be at the end of a go-on-vacation-eat-fried-and-tasty-foods-galore vacation. Can we say "Hello, Fatty McFattington, you're blood pressure sucks?"
3. But that's ok. You know why? Because today is also Transient Pod's Get Your Freak On Friday!!! Woot woot!!
4. So what song has my toes tapping? Ooh! I got it. I'm choosing this song because this is the song that came up the most on my iPod whilst driving to and fro on the highways of North Carolina and Tennessee. You ready? Of course you are, what am I even saying? Prepare to get up and dance! Or...tap your toes!
5. Summertime by Will Smith.
6. I think this came on three? four times? Idk, but guess what? I sang along each.and.every.time. Because, word, if I have to drive, we gonna do it wif my iPod on.
7. Also, guess what? My Hubs doesn't really care for that song. I know, his loss, right?
8. Guess what else? I found out that these super nice and godly ladies from my old domain in North Carolina read my bloggage. So, a special SHOUT OUT to Cynthia and Marie!! Also, I hope all my talk of boogers doesn't gross you out.
9. I talk a whole lot about spinners with Mrs. TP. If only my skin tone was a bit darker so it would be acceptable to have some spinners on my Oldsmobile. Also, I suspect they would cost more than my whole car is worth.
10. Except for all my Dope Mixes of Beats. Because they are invaluable.
11. I just slammed some scrabbled eggs. Guess what? You should never slam eggs. Because then you get the burps.
12. Also, in real life it's been like, idk, 13 minutes since I slammed my eggs and I just realized my napkin is still on my lap. I bet ya'll didn't know I was so ladylike and conscientious. *burp*
13. So, it was suggested to me that I should bundle up all my KC's (Keyboard Confessions, you know) and make them into a book. Will that be a seller? 87 pages talking of boogers, burping and that one time I ate like 117 grams of fiber? I'm just not sure.
14. Also, here is a True Confession. You ready? It has nothing to do with boogers. Here goes. Just once in my life, I want someone to tell me that I'm Dave Barry meets Erma Bombeck. There. There it is. My big secret. It's out. Just sitting there. Getting breathed on by the winds of the innernets. Now it's getting hard and crusty. Like other things that start with B and end in OOGERS. DANG!
15. Maybe it's Turret's. Also I'll bet Erma never even said the word BOOGERS. Alas.
16. I dusted off my elliptical last night. And by golly, I burned off the calories from that stupid no-bake cookie I ate mindlessly that I later discovered was, get this: 121 calories!! WHAT WAS I THINKING??
17. But that's ok, because I only stroked out after like, 12 minutes of ellipticaling.
18. Remember last week? And my rock star fingernails? Well guess what? Now they're flaking off.
19. I must remember to use a magnifying glass on KISS's album cover to see if their nails are flaking.
20. Because, obviously, KISS is the style I'm going for.
Happy Friday, my friends.
Also! Don't forget my giveaway for DapperPaper Thank You cards!! And Wendiwinn's giveaway for a shiny knife and cutting board!!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I am a horrendous Thank You card giver outer. Always have been. In fact, I skipped like, 40 people from our wedding. And one of them even gave us one of those ginourmous toilet paper roll packages. I still feel the shame.
But you know what? I'll bet if you had some amazing Thank You cards from my wonderful friends at DapperPaper, you'd be whipping out some Thank You cards right and left. And maybe even to me, for hooking you up with the cool cats at DapperPaper.
Check out some of their amazing cards! These are my personal faves:
1. Head over to DapperPaper and peruse the different cards they offer. Come back here and leave in the comments which card you like best. THIS IS GOOD FOR 1 ENTRY.
2. If you place an order or purchase anything, come back here and leave as a separate comment which item you purchased. THIS IS GOOD FOR 2 ENTRIES.
3. Please make sure in the comments you leave me a contact email or someway to get in touch with you should you be the winnah.
4. Should you decide to place an order or purchase anything, DapperPaper will give you 15% off, just start a convo with them and enter in the code KEARSIERULZ as a message to the seller, so my sweet friends can give you the discount. Do this as a convo BEFORE you place your custom order.
I shall pick the winner on Thursday, March 25th at noon, CST using the handy dandy random numbers generator.
I will email the winner directly thereafterparts and you'll have two days to email me back so I can get your mailing address. Should you ignore me, I shall pick a new winner, after I mop up my tears.
No no, not shower time.
And no! It's not eyebrow plucking time either, I'll get to that! Sheesh.
It's Top Three Things Thursday, brought to you by Confessions From a Working Mom and The (Un)Experienced Mom!
And today's question is... *cue drumroll*
Let me see...*taps chin thoughtfully*
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
So my name is Vanessa and other than writing the occasional PG-13 post over at Much More Than Mommy, I'm a wannabe health nut. Hmmm, maybe that's pushing it. Basically, I want to eat less crap and take care of my body more. So I'm working on it. I have tried to cut back on fast food mostly, because that is a huge weakness of mine. I love food that's fast, cheap and easy -- and FYI, "you are what you eat" does not apply. I'm also exercising. I've been trying to walk, sometimes run, and me and my trainer on the Wii Fit Plus are getting to know each other very well. I even noticed that he got a haircut. He did not notice that I was wearing a new top. Rudeness.
Before I began this quest for improvement, I did not consider the risks. That is because I did not know them. All you hear about are the perks -- lower number on the scale, feeling better in general, living longer. Blah, blah, blah.
But nobody told me that Chick-fil-A Chicken Sandwiches were going to turn on me.
One of the things I cut back on was fried foods. But I'm not the type to just go cold turkey and deprive myself of all things yummy, so when I wanted some Chick-fil-A, I had me some Chick-fil-A.
And then I had me a tummy ache.
I thought it was a one-time deal.
I was wrong.
A few weeks later, I had another Chick-fil-A Sandwich. And then a little while after that, I had another tummy ache.
And then I was sad. Really, really sad.
Because have you ever had a Chick-fil-A Chicken Sandwich? It is really, really good. But now it makes my tummy feel really, really awful after I eat it.
And that kind of makes me want to abandon all this health and wellness garbage.
But not really. Because I've actually liked losing weight, having more energy, and increasing my life expectancy. And I'm pretty sure that my family will benefit from these things as well.
So maybe just half of a sandwich once in a while. Just half. I can do just half, right? Maybe just once a month?
I think I need a cookie.
Monday, March 15, 2010
kearsie: *no response*
me: where are you!
kearsie: *no response*
me: where are you!
kearsie: *no response*
me: you're not here.
kearsie: *no response*
me: where are you!
Friday, March 12, 2010
1. So. Guess what I'm about to do today? No, not getting my brows waxed. Good try. Guess again. No, not going to the girly doctor. You guys suck at this. Ok ok, I'll just tell you. I'm headed out on vacation! Woot woot!
2. I'm leaaaavin, in a rental car, because our Oldsmobile won't make it very far...I totally should start writing song lyrics because clearly I'm gifted.
3. I always experience what I call Rental Car Covet in the weeks after vacations. Because our cars are crap.
4. I've got guest posts lined up for next week. Aren't you happy? Remember last time? Skin tags and hotel sex? I know, you've got to come back. You never know what my guest bloggers will say.
5. New folks to this blog are scratching their heads. "Skin tags...?" Trust me, confused friend, it's better if you don't know.
6. I'm wearing a slip today. Does anyone else have to reach up all unladylikey under their skirt to adjust the slip that has inched up to resemble a cumberbun?
7. This is item #47 of my How I'm Cosmetically Challenged.
8. So. Nose rings. I think I want one. But. I don't know if I'm cool enough to pull it off.
9. Or a tattoo? Will I look hardcore awesome with a tattoo? Or just like a 34 year old trying to look cool?
10. Alas. There's #48.
11. Someone just remarked on the fact that my skirt is very Easter. Is that ok? Am I a walking faux pas? DANG. #49.
12. Guess what song I've had in my head for the last 3 days?
We don't have to take our CLOTHES OFF, to have a good time...
13. *Weep* help...me...
14. Wait! This is is! This is my submission to Transient Pod's Get Your Freak On Friday!!
Woot!! So, sweet and unsuspecting readers, here is my chance to get this blasted song out of MY head and into YOURS! MUAHAHAHAHA!!
15. Also, I wonder if I could sing this to my husband? "Boy, I'm not a piece of meat" Also, I wonder if he's reading this. I keep forgetting I'm about to be on a 12-hour car ride with this blessed man.
16. I painted my nails last night. This is such a rare occassion I had to share. This color:
18. I also feel dorky for saying the words "I feel so punk rock". Because I bet punk rock people don't go around saying "Hey man, we're so punk rock". That's like a bunch of preppy people sitting around Starbucks going "Hey man, we're so preppy". In fact, I'm pretty sure you're not punk rock if you have to say you're punk rock. Hmm.
19. I feel so sexy and skinny.
20. Dang. There's #50.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
So, today I'm wearing a skirt. And if the looks on my family's faces are any indication, I apparently am looking pretty hot. Or like I'm going to a funeral. Whichever.
So it's Top Three Thursday, put on the by the amazing Confessions From a Working Mom and The (Un)Experienced Mom and today's question is:
Where to begin?
3. I have to mention times like this. I know, I know, I'm putting a link to a whole nuther post in, but it's worth it. I promise. It's a conversation about a bra started by this little girl:
2. Watching them in the world. They already have such magnetic personalities. Even horses love them.
1. I love watching them play. They, like most sisters, are the best of friends and worst of enemies. But when they feel like having fun...
So, fair reader, if you have children, what are your favorite things about being a parent?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
If you ever see a dragon, you might want to run. Here's why. Every dragon has it's own taritorry. And if your in the way you will be forst out. But that is no longer true. You see, an evil cat has tacken over as dragon for a long time. Along time ago, a cat named Odone was picked up from a orphinige. He has done something called killing. We don't do that. We're vegiterieins. Odone can make meet look like a vegitable. That is how we have became slaves.Dragon's Taritorry
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
1. Today is a big fat day here on Sounds Like Tomatoes. First, I'm the Top Bloggah over at Speaking From the Crib!! Woot Woot!! I shared the Cow Story. Head over and read that bad boy and follow that bad girl Kelly, because she's super fun and I adore her.
2. Today is also Get Your Freak On Friday over at my newest addiction, Transient Pod. And the question is: What song gets your foot tapping?
3. Here's my answer.
4. Whip It. Can there be better song lyrics? I think not.
"When a problem comes along, you must whip it.
Before the cream sits out too long, you must whip it."Genuis, I say!!
5. However, thanks to Transient Pod, I'll be singing Eddie Money lyrics at the lop of my mental lungs all.day.long.
6. Oh, but phew, my fancy friend Winn is helping me out by replacing Eddie Money with Miley Cyrus. *stabs self in eyeball*
7. But I gotta say, I can't have Miley without some Captain Valor.
9. Shameless plug: Edward had a new adventure. "Who's Edward?" you ask? *cries a bit* You sooo need to check this out. Yes I sew and knit and junk for tiny dolls. Shameless. And maybe touched in the head. "I say whip it, whip it good".
10. *crosses eyeballs* Has this week been a bit long?
11. I am waaay hoping to score some tickets to see Alice in Wonderland. I wonder if our local theater has scalpers. "Step on a crack, break your momma's back"
12. This is my brain without drugs or alcohol, people. I know. Please, you can come out from under the desk, I won't hurt you. *pats your hair*
13. I'm creeping myself out. "Yeaaaaaaahhh, it's a party in the USA"
14. Right now, I'm wearing these sexy headphones because I'm about to rock some dictation. You are so jealous of me, admit it. Also, I kind of miss these soft squishy foamy kind of headphones. These don't collect ear wax.
15. You know what else I miss? Quoting some Miley. "It's so hard with my girls not around me, it's def-in-it-ly not a Nashville party."
16. You're running away, aren't you. I don't blame you, friend. Run away. RUN AWAY BEFORE EDDIE, MILEY OR DEVO MAKE YOU CRAZY TOO. *whimpers*
17. I wonder what I should eat for lunch. I got a fever. And the only cure is more Arby's.
18. If you see a bunch of hot ladies running a 5K this weekend wearing pink tutus, hand those ladies a cup of water. In Orlando. If you're in like, Boise, Idaho and see a group of ladies in pink tutus, I'd call the cops.
19. Is Miley wearing hair extensions? Maybe I should get some...
20. Time for dictation!! It's ok, it's over, you can leave. Or stay. Or read my archives and sink down into the craziness of my brain pudding. It's crack, I tell you. MUAHAHAHAAH.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Can I get a woot woot? This is Top 3 Thursday, brought to you by the fine ladies at Confessions from a Working Mom and The (Un)Experienced Mom.
And today's question is...
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Here goes, in no particular order:
2. My Hubs. This is us 10 years ago, drunk on lurve.